I can't get over what MIL did at wedding

Get it all written down. Then you can decide whether to post it or not.

Or equally, hire someone to slap her!???

Feel for ya, really doooo xxx

I agree with Teehee - write her a letter - don't hold back. Say exactly what you wish you could say, say exactly how you feel - doesn't matter how bad the language is, whether it even makes sense - just let it flow out of you. Then a day or so later burn it, rip it into little pieces, bury it ... thats the usual process although SOME people do send what they write but you have to be very very ready for the consequences of that. And if you really let every ounce of hate and disgust out when you're writing, it probably won't make sense!

Just don't keep hold of it.

I've tried this and it really does work ... I ripped mine into tiny tiny tiny pieces a few days after writing it and I was then able to move on..... I typed mine as you can really just go crazy on the keyboard, its really theraputic.

and like Teehee, really do feel for you and your hubby.....

Does it really work? I'll have to give it a go.

I think she really needs to know how much she has hurt you both, I would definately write her a letter explaining what she has done, but acutally send it (maybe without the swearing though). She should be gutted to know how she has affected you both but especially her son, because you know what mother's are like with their sons. I think its awful the way she has behaved, I really admire you for not saying something to her I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue I don't think. x

Docshell - it did for me. I can't tell you how good it felt just to rage and rage and rage - even tho' it was only onto my laptop .... I didn't stop to think about what to write after a while, its just came naturally. I didn't think I was capable of saying such things but I did and I felt so much better afterwards. And after I tore it up, that was the closure and I moved on ....

And its something that even counsellors suggest doing so I think its widely regarded as a good way to get something out of your system.

But I wouldn't recommend sending it... thats not closure, thats just opening up a whole new issue. Destroying your letter is a good way to think 'this is over' ' - to see it burn or to rip it up (but REALLY rip it up!) is an important part of the process. Bury it means you can literally walk away from it .... (but take is somewhere random where you hardly ever go!)

Adjust your relationship with your MIL accordingly, but this isn't about her - this is about helping you deal with and closing down on these feelings which are really hurting you right now, and getting on with enjoying your married life...

Good luck ...

ETA - if you do want her to know what an impact her behaviour has had (which is natural) then speak to her, with your husband, after you've done the letter writing thing but before you destroy it ... this way your initial anger is on paper, you will be able to speak with her without just totally freaking out , and if you feel you need to you can do another letter afterwards and add it to the first one and destroy them both.... I personally think speaking with her in a controlled, civilised way would be the best thing to do if you feel you need to face her out about it... and you would come out of it feeling you've got the upper hand as you've not just gone in raging at her. Say what you want and leave. Don't get into an argument, don't let her speak over you - this would be your turn to have your say... but that is going to take some courage, and would have to be done with your husbands support .... x

I've told her that she made her own son cry on the eve of his wedding and what mother would do that to their own son- but she didn't seem to realise/care.

We live in Coventry and they live in NOrthern Ireland so can't just pop around and sit down and tell her. That is my big dilemma as i really want her to know but knowing her she will just turn it all around to her and how i've been horrible to her and her, her , her.

I just feel that we are going to have to dust it under the carpet and forget about it and she'll just get away with that behaviour like her daughter has done all her life and we'll just accept it and i don't/can't

I would do what Mrs Sp suggested write it down and destroy it. Personnally I would move on, drop her, cut her out of your life it's not like she can pop round. If you really have to I would write a more restrained totally factual letter stating how she made you both feel and what she actually did to cause this, short and factual. Get someone neutral to read it before you send it. She is obviously not worth the upset you are feeling. I was wondering reading your previous post and this one if she was actually an alcoholic?

no- i just think she is really cruel.

I like your advice- a bit of everyone's advice.

I just feel like crying- seeing anyone mention weddings just makes me so upset

Dont Cry its not worth it.

If you want my advise write the letter it is great to get it out of your system. However its ok for some people on her to say send it but they are not the ones who then have to live with that. Sending it wont give you closure it will just cause another set of problems. Think about your H is this as well. What does he want to do, remember no matter what its still his mother. You need to finish this not start it all over again.

My advise write it, burn it but dont send it, it will just make everything worse not better.

Let us know how you get on.....and if you enjoyed the photos we cant wait to see them....get them posted soon. x

If the letter doesn't help I will resort to Nona's 2nd suggestion for you if you like!...could do with releasing some frustration! ?

Hope you feel better about all this soon.