I dare you to confess.....

That's not shameful - that's just growing up surely?!

Shameful would be being arrested at age 14 for being drunk and incapable...

More shameful that my mum still has no idea I nicked a bottle of vodka from her and didn't even suspect!

Thought of another...

I had a run in with a wall whilst parking my car (not unusual for me but this was the first bump to our old car). I knew H would go mad so I just parked it facing away from the house (we park on the street) and waited for him to notice. To this day he thinks that. Someone hit it whilst it was parked outside our house and is always going on about it ?

Hahahaha! I friggin love you HT.

Love it when hitched cheers up my evenings like this!! ?

Don't know if I've got any stories nearly as good..

Nearly got myself arrested for beating my boyfriend with an umbrella on the street once like a deranged mad woman, that was pretty shameful (although I had just found him kissing my best mate so I gave her a go with the umbrella too!!)

Hahahaha that made me laugh Nuts.

I'm also guilty of dropping chips on the floor straight from the oven and just picking them up and putting them on H's plate. ?

And I ALWAYS drink pop/milk out of the bottle when H is not looking. I would be disgusted if he did it and would refuse to drink it but I'm so lazy I can't be bothered to get a glass out the cupboard which will then need washing up afterwards.

Ok but shhh. I only passed my driving test in April. On one of my first proper trips out with my friends i scraped some cones. Fine, i thought, theyre only soft plastic. But oh no, they crumpled all the side of the wheel arch ? Denied all knowledge when H discovered them a few weeks later...?

I ALWAYS do this.

Waste not, want not. Or whatever the saying is.

If my H were a Hitcher he would be confessing to breaking my hand carved elephant that I got from my trip to Kenya. He would be telling you all about how he stuck the trunk back on with blutack and then when I discovered it whilst cleaning he tried to blame me and then when that didn't work he blamed the poor cats.

Me too!!! 5 second rule!

I also drink my tea at work from the same cup all week, it only goes down to be washed on a Friday!

I always do the dropped food thing, I also always give myself the "nicer" looking bit. like the better chicken breast or whatever.

Once, we were really hung over and I felt like utter crap. We had just and I was in bed. H was in the shower, his Mum and Dad and 4 year old niece turned up and knocked at the door. I totally ignored it and ignored mine and H's mobiles and pretended to be asleep and they drove away after about 5 minutes. When H got out the shower I seduced him again so he wouldn't look at his phone and ring them and tell them to come back. Once he realised it was too late and they were already home. ?

Ha VP I have a similar tale only minus the bonk.

We can see the road out front from our living room and one lazy Sunday the house was a tip and we were just lounging on the sofa. I saw MIL's car pull up out the front so I jumped up, turned the TV off and shouted at Mr HT to leg it up the stairs. He did as he was told, got up on the landing and asked what the hell was wrong with me ? then we had to suppress our giggles whilst the MIL was knocking on the door and ringing us to see where we are.

It makes me laugh whenever I think of that because I wonder what the hell he thought I was in such a rush to get him up the stairs for!?

?

See my H wouldn't do that! Regardless of mess or hungoverness. As soon as he realised she had been there he got the train straight over to theirs as he felt bad! Thats why I had to think quickly and do the rudies twice with a hangover even though I was very nearly motion sick, otherwise she would have been straight back!

? I ❤️ this thread!

Wahahaha these are all hilarious.

I thought of another one. I used to work in a swanky bar/restaurant and one night a really obnoxious guy was winding me up something awful. He was trying way too hard to impress the lady he was dining with and all the staff knew her from being in every weekend with a different guy, we were 99% sure she was an escort of some sort. When I took their order he made a big show of telling her to order the most expensive thing on the menu blah blah blah, he then made the mistake of ordering a chilli martini to go with his oysters. ? I chopped up every chilli we had behind the bar and put it in his drink. I could not stop smiling the whole night after watching him try to drink it with a straight face.

This thread is fantastic!

OB why did your nan fish it out?! And what did she do with it when she did?!

Mine is really bad.

In may this year, I was watching some documentary on channel 4 about feeders and really obese women in US that get paid to sit on men and squash them.

There is a *coughs* dimensionally challenged woman at work, and I so I text my friend at work to basically say this other woman should be on the programme, but of course, accidentally sent text to said dimensonally challenged woman.

It is now october, and she has only just stated tentatively speaking to me.

Oh I have been chuckling away to this thread. Still bit shocked about the peeing ones, I'm the one who gets out the shower to use the toilet, wet bum and all. Toilet seat is proper slippery, but I couldnt bring myself to pee in the shower (or bath). That does bring me to remember one time when I was younger and still living at home, I held my bladder so long when I rushed to the toilet, I forgot to put the toilet seat up and peed on it closed! With a full bladder, its pretty hard to stop so I had to keep peeing on it. I just mopped up the floor and seat with toilet roll, not actual cleaner (at the age, I had no idea what it was). No idea when mum actually cleaned it, but I never told her.

Apart from that, I'm pretty boring compared to you lot!

Oh my god you must have felt physically sick when you realised it had gone to her!

I genuinely had the worst night of my life. Probably slept about an hour and was shaking all night about what I had done. It took everything I had just to show my face at wokr the next day, and got up at 5am and went into work as couldn't sleep and wanted to hide in my office all day. Never felt so ashamed in all my life

Was so awful and knew it was all my fault as I had let me inner *** take over, for no particular reason!

I just thought of another one.

When I was in a flat share this new woman moved in who was a complete cu*t and just took over the whole house and was a nightmare to live with so after being woken up by her hoovering at 7am on a Saturday morning for a good few weeks (baring in mind I was a student at the time so early nights or early mornings were not my thing)and after having a polite word with her failed to resolve things I got my revenge by cleaning the toilet with her toothbrush before I moved out. ?

oooh I just shudderd. I havembad OCD with germs!

Mine is a bit gross... Some bugger at work kept nicking my milk - I would go in on a night or morning thinking I had enough for a few cups of tea and find just a tiny dribble in the bottom of the carton.

The milk was well marked up with my initials and I tried marking the level before I left work and putting several pointed notes on the fridge - should say it wasn't just me it happened to, just I was the latest victim....

So one night with about a third of a carton left I weed in it - quite a lot of wee. Washed the outside of the carton very well and left it in the fridge. Next morning there was a tiny bit left in the bottom!

I never found out who drank it but it still makes me giggle ?

Would never, ever do this to someone elses milk or any other drink but my very own milk? I might like it with added wee!

OMG Daisy that is vile!!

Daisy!!!

Ha!

Daisy and funky I have made a mental note never to get on your bad sides!

I thought of some more.....

I used to spray lynx in my younger brothers crisps, he got away with murder when he was a little sh1t so this was my revenge.

I also threw a stone at him for not giving me a sweet, but I threw it a bit hard, it hit his head and he had to have stitches, he never ever lets me live that down! But that was payback affter he shot a golf ball at my sisters head. We were such loving siblings ha!

Oh this thread has made me laugh a lot. Pooing in the sea? nan fishing it out? hahaha!

I thought of another, it's actually really rank so I should really keep it to myself.

I used to work in a restaurant when I was at college. I was on a really long shift and hadn't eaten all day. Someone ordered a cheesecake (my favorite thing on the menu) and only ate a tiny bit. I ate the rest of a random strangers cheesecake.

HA HA HA! Fab! I also loved your golden shower comment. I am going to take that with pride. Makes me sound filthy and cool! ?

What's wrong with weeing in the shower? It gets washed away and all ends up in the same place anyway.

Read Daisy's post on the page before, you won't borrow milk anymore!

This thread has cheered me up while I'm off work sick!

I bet after reading this thread you'll examine it a bit more carefully!