I dare you to confess.....

??

First time I met my ex's friends at a party, I got so drunk I had to be sick. Off I went, was sick but then fell asleep with my head on a sick covered toilet seat. My BF sent one of his friends to find me, as i'd been in there an hour. She helped sort me out, then I went back to the party. There was a girl on stage singing, who TBH was rubbish, so I said so to my ex. Sadly, I said it a lot louder than intended, and everyone turned round to glare at me, then the kid ran off the stage crying.

My ex chose this moment to leave (weird, that). As soon as the cold air hit me, I was sick again, right next to someones car. Thought I was OK, but as soon as the car started moving, I needed to be sick again. Told my BF to stop the car, but he didn't stop in time, so rather than spray vomit all over his car, i pulled my top forward, and was sick down it. It wasn't an easy top to move either, it was a very tight corset, so i had vomit sqishing between my boobs ?.

He pulled over incase I needed to be sick again, but instead I took my corset off. My BF very quickly whipped his shirt off to cover me up. I was sick another 3 times before we got home. His friend phoned the next day and said "Thank ER for the big pile of puke I stood in right by my car" Whoops!!

Thankfully, none of them mentioned it again.

When I was 16, on a night out my friend dared me to flash the next person who walked past us. Cool, i was (drunkenly) up for that, so flashed the next person who walked by. Sadly, my top was right up by the time I realised that not only had I flashed a police man, that police man was my friends Dad.

I was mortified, my friend was mortified, but her Dad just laughed it off, promised not to tell my Mum, and asked me to keep my top firmly on in the future. He became our "local bobby", and as my Mum worked in the local newsagents, they spoke a lot. I'd forgot about the flashing incident, until 8 years later, I went to see my Mum, he was there and said "blimey, didn't recognise you with your clothes on". He then went on to explain to my Mum, who thought it was hilarious, and told everyone who went in the shop.

I love that you've made it look like Sal said that! Ha!

Loving these! Don't have any to add, but enjoying reading everyones.

Brilliant!

haha i didnt even realise!!!!!!!! haha

God sal san you are gross ?

I had split up with my now fiancée and was very upset my house mate at the time decided to take me out for the evening to a party I got very drunk she ended up taking me home and having to get me undressed, I then puked on her feet, and my carpet!

One day I my stomach was really feeling dodgy, no alcohol or anything like that, so I was waiting to go in the bathroom, but mum was taking aaaaaaaaaaaaages, and then I did a little trump, well that did not end well! I ended up sat on my bin with horid shits!! I was 21 at the time and then had to get my mum to help me clean up discreetly as my mum and my then BF were down stairs!!

Now that the conversation has moved towards bodily functions:

Not long after I'd met Mr Knees, we were staying over at his parents' house and I woke myself up being sick. I threw up all over the bed, then he marched me downstairs to the shower, through the living room where his brother was up late watching a film. Only then I realised that the dressing gown he'd tried to cover me in wasn't done up properly, so I flashed his brother. He piled the sheets outside the bedroom door and in the morning they'd gone. His mum must have picked them up and washed them.

When I was in uni, I was getting it on with a guy I'd fancied for ages and I had to leave mid snog to throw up...not before I'd thrown up a tiny bit in his mouth.

Can you tell I am a sicky drunk?!

When I was 17 I went on holiday with my parents and my best mate. We went to Sidari in Corfu which is pretty rancid.

We barely saw my parents (they spent their time doing nice things and finding quiet bars) - we just went out every night and got drunk.

I met a 23 year old DJ who I proceeded to have a fling with (I had a boyfriend back home). One night we were getting a bit jiggy on a set of rocks on the beach - I had to explain to my parents the next morning why my back was full of nasty scratches.

I said I slipped off a wall.

ER, your story is bloody brilliant!!

I have remembered an incident involving my own bodily functions ha ha !

I was on holiday in Florida with my parents, sister and auntie, uncle and cousin and my sister and I had come in from the pool for a bit of a cool down and a drink in our apartment.

I very suddenly needed a number 2 and remembered that it was also about the time I needed to change my tampax.

I went in to the bathroom that was shared with mine and my sisters room and proceeded to do both of these things and finished and flushed the toilet. Unfortunately the water didnt flush away but actually rose to the top of the toilet bowl with my poo and tampax in it. I (very stupidly) thought that if I flushed again it would be fine so I did so and the entire toilet contents rose up again and over the top and subsequently flooded the bathroom !

I went running in to my sister not knowing what to do and as we sat there laughing there was a knock at the door and the lady from the apartment underneath ours was stood there to tell us that she thought something might be leaking in our apartment as there was brown water running down one of her walls !!

We said we would look in to it without obviosuly telling her what had happened and then went and got my auntie for help and advice. In the end we had to ring maintenance to come and clean it up and unblock the toilet and I was so mortified I made my auntie stay in the apartment with him whilst he did it and I went back to the pool so he did not know it was me !!!!

When I was 18 I met H, I had just qualified as a beauty therapist and all the girls on the course went out to celebrate. H brought me choccies which I ate all of then we had loads of champagne.

***TMI*** Late whilst getting jiggy I started feeling a bit ill. Determined to keep going (I was on top) I slammed down a bit hard not realising he had come out. I bent his penis . He was screaming in pain and at that moment the feeling ill go the better of me and I threw up chocolate brown sick all over him (still screaming) and his brand new white bed linen and white fluffy rug.

Couldnt take him to hospital as we were in the middle east, not married and drunk - he had to sit in pain till Sunday morning when the British Dr's surgery opened. No sex for 8 weeks after that...

That's pretty much made my day

Oh my days that is hilarious!

Cookiekat i salute you!

theres so many tales from my uni days coming to mind now, id obvioulsy 'forgotten' (read as put to back of mind never to return) involving similar antics!!

On my first holiday with OH, we were sat at a restaurant completely sober and he made me laugh so hard I projectile vomited all over the table. Fortunately it was an outdoor table, no one else was around and we hadn't been given our food yet so all I vomited was water. We pretended to the waiter we'd just spilled a jug.

Hehe.... whilst on the subject of sexual antics don't forget the good old front pump!! I've done it a few times and always been mortified but I've never done it with H which is weird, he's obviously not thrusting quick enough ?

I can't believe I forgot my worst drinking story...on the 4th night of fresher's week at uni I got so drunk I had to be taken to hospital and put on a drip. I don't have much memory of the night, but apparently at one point I was sitting at a table with a guy from my halls who was trying to chat me up and then I vomited all over the table. I also have vague memories of being on the floor of the SU in the recovery position and then being in an ambulance. I woke up in my bed in a striped shirt that I thought was hospital pyjamas but turned out it was my friend's who had taken me to hospital, and surrounded by kidney shaped bowls. I had to be at uni at 9 for induction that day, which involved registering at the health centre. I was told that my blood pressure was actually very good(!)

Oh my god that is absolutely f*cking hilarious.

I'm not really ashamed of this one, more proud actually.

A couple of years ago, my sister was dating a rugby lad - and rugby lads are known for their ability to drink lots. Well, we were out drinking for her birthday, and I bet him that I could drink at the same speed as him and he would be the first to go home.

We were drinking, a lot, and it got to about midnight. I was haaaaammered, but determination got the better of me, so I continued to drink. Eventually, he gave up and went home. As soon as he walked out the door, I threw my guts up all over the pubs' beautiful new decking & garden furniture. I'd been needing to throw up for AAAAGES, but somehow kept it in until he'd gone.

But, I'll always remember the time I drunk a rugby player under the table. It was pints of Rattler too, which makes it even more impressive!

Good on you Ali but what on earth is Rattler?

My H likes to remind me of the time I threw up on his pillow, but in my drunken state I refused to accept I was being sick and kept denying it.

Sadly my drunken sick thing was pretty recent. I think it's fair to say that since haing kids that I cant seem to hold my drink anymore and I met up with a friend to have dinner and then go onto a pub we used to frequently go to after work. The restaurant does a set meal with dessert but we didnt fancy it so instead the barman made us up some disgusting shots before we left. I already felt awful but we carried on drinking shots in the pub and dancing away like loons. I felt pretty out of it when we were leaving and my friend called her taxi friend to pick us up. All the way home I felt pretty bad and pulled the window right down. As we were two roads away from mine I suddenly thought I was going to be sick but was scared to get it anywhere so like ER I basically was sick down myself and in my top purely because I was trying to stop it going in the car. I heard the driver and my friend whispering in the front that they thought I'd been sick so I called out that I had but hadnt got it anywhere like I was so proud! ?. I continued being sick and crying for hours whilst my poor H sat next to me and got the kids up early the next day and took them out for me to recover. I was so ashamed to speak to my friend the next day and also saw all my clothes in the washing absolutely smothered.

I thought of loads of vomit based ones after reading these but none compare to these. You girls are hilarious im sitting here crying.

But this is probs my most embarrassing

I used to go to a cricket club with my friend when we were about 14. All the pervy old men loved it, but we loved it because there were a few fitties and we got served alcohol. I got very very drunk one night, and ended up outside with one of said fitties. We didn't go the whole hog, just a bit of teenage 'initmacy' shall we say. I didn't realise but he managed to make me bleed a LOT and it had gone all over my cream top, including lots of hand prints. I had no idea so went back into the club completely oblivious.

Cookie- that is dedication!

Niche- too funny for words!

Hollies- way to join O.T!

One of my worst drunk/bodily function moments was on hols in spain, too much booze and rich food, I thought I only needed a little trump- turned out to be a bit of a sloppy number two (? makes me sad thinking about it)

I went straight to the toilet to wash out my knicks, then the dryer wouldn't work so I just binned then and carried on comando!

My Dad once walked in on me and my bf at the time getting it on. We all froze and my Dad just asked if we wanted to go to the pub for dinner. My legs were round my bf's neck.

I was once standing on Canal St after an all day bender at Pride, chatting with friends and being introduced to new people. I threw up a bit in my hand, disguised it as a cough, continued to chat and then finally went into a toilet to wash my hand and throw up a bit more.

Forgive me hitched, for I have sinned. I need to confess that it was I who broke my neice's rocking horse, not my nephew who got told off and had to sit on the naughty step.

God these stories have reminded me of so many stupid things I've done when drunk.

Think one of the worst nights was when I was absolutely wasted at the student union and couldn't find any of my friends so decided to go back to the guy I was seeing's flat in student halls so I could sleep it off. He wasn't answering his phone so I just went straight up and started banging on his door. No answer. I kept banging until someone else shouted through the door asking who it was and said they didn't know me. In my drunken confusion I thought it was his flat mate being a dick so I kept banging and shouting to let me in until I almost broke the door. Turns out I was at the wrong flat, they called campus security, I passed out in the security office and they called my parents to come pick me up. Worst part was the guy whose flat is was worked in TK Max and recognised me the next time I was in. I have never gone back to that TK Max even though this was about 7 years ago.

It's a Cornish Cider.. 6% ABV!

Oh. My. F***ing. Bajeezus. ??

I have just had to remove myself from the office. Whilst trying to hold my laughter in, snot has shot out of my nose onto my keyboard. ?

p.s. I ❤️ hollies already!