I dont want a hen night....

Could you do something with just you and your Bridesmaid? Either go away for a nice weekend somewhere or just go out for dinner and drinks or something? But if you really don't want to do anything, then don't! Sure she will understand.

You could suggest something joint with your H2B and his friends too so that people have a chance to meet each other before the wedding.

Or just do something with 5 of you, if there's an activity of some sort it will be fine.

Or have a "bridal shower" rather than a hen-night which is more sedate and can include mothers & children too.

Or just do something with your bridesmaid.

Or just refuse to have one, it's your choice after all.

But shes determined to organise something......ive told her i cant be arsed but she just raised her eyebrows at me...

I've been struggling to come up with something for mine too. I'm not the clubbing type so have looked into various ideas such as spa days, trip to London, trip to the country, etc etc and to be honesst I think I'll just end up opting for a nice meal out followed by some cocktails! I might even take myself off on my own for some pampering hehe.

I have to say, it is difficult trying to think of something that everyone will enjoy and also what their budgets will stretch to.

What about a nice relaxing spa weekend?...that's what I would love and I know the majority of my friends would rather have a good old boozy hen night so might decide to have 2 and treat myself to the spa weekend ?

I would love to just have an all -in with him and our mates all together....

Mothers are not invited. I'll see if mum wants to join her grandkids for pizza....

this towns crap and i hate the nightlife as its full of slappers limited in classy establishments.

Turning 35 means more to me than a hen night and i'd rather have a birthday party at home. I've said combining them would be good as they are only 20 days apart...... but then OH would have no where to go if I had a party at home. Ach Rubbish.

If you really don't think you can get out of it, then I'd suggest the meal, it relies less on 'numbers' IMO, you could always go out afterwards if you get into the party spirit too. If you insist on no tacky L plates etc. it may not even seem like a hen party anyway.

Just to add, that I really didn't think I'd get many (any!) for my hen, but I've managed to get 14 from somewhere (a lot of friend stealing was involved though, 3 of H2B's cousins are even coming!). I dread when they all get talking and realise no-one really knows me that well ?. So you never know, people will make more of an effort for a hen party than an ordinary night out or a birthday.

I dread having a hen do as well so I've just said to everyone I want to go for a chinese buffet and to the pub for a couple of drinks. If you don't give the list of names to your bm then she can't organise it can she ?. My bm knows how I feel so isn't pushing the subject and I'm just organising it myself via texts so it's just like a normal night out.

now why did I not think of that?????? Maybe I will just keep it to a meal for the main part, and a meal in the other city as that will be a totally different set of friends, most arent invited to the wedding but who I worked with so will be a bit of reunion....i'll put off sending her my list for a while yet....

cheers. For the record, OH is in the same boat, he cant be arsed and doesnt know what to do as hes only got 3 main mates......

I'd much rather do a combined thing with me and H2B and our friends just going for a meal, than the whole clubbing, getting drunk thing! If both of you don't have many friends that you would like to invite, combining your's and your H2B's mates would make the group much larger too!

I can't stand pubbing and clubbing etc so in the end 8 of us went camping, had a picnic and even went to a garden centre!! Went to the pub for a meal in the evening and that was about it. H just went and stayed at a friends house for the weekend - there were 4 of them there - and talked about cars and played on the PS3!

I have another friend who had a joint do with her H - they already had kids and wanted them involved too - they went to a hotel with a loads of mates for a weekend and played with remote control cars/kites, hired rowing boats etc.

My point is, you don't have to do the 'traditional' thing - do wotcha want!!

Ok. Have solved it. have just emailed my BM and said I'll have one hen here, instead of the two I originally thought, combining it with my birthday and given I know where I like to eat and drink I'll organise it. Then that leaves her to organise a reunion and night out with the girls in the city where she lives....... lets hope she agrees!

cheers for your replies, glad to know im not the only one whos not into the 'traditional' henny...

I'm feeling a bit unenthusiastic (is that a word?) about my hen night too. OHs brother (BM) is currently organising his stag and has put a lot of effort into contacting people, made up a very detailed email with maps, pics etc. I just know that my friends want to go down the tacky route for mine - lots of pink, limos or some other kind of vehicle with entertainment provided - but I've told them that I don't want that, they can have it for theirs! Like some of you have said, I think I'd be happy with a meal and some drinks but I wonder if I'd regret that later?

Hmmm. This all strikes a chord with me too. The idea of sitting on a big long table with loads of balloons and willy straws and shreiking fills me with dread. I'm wondering whether the trend for hen and stag do's will become less of a 'big thing' i.e. going abroad, spending £500 in the current economic climate. I think it's (in common with other wedding things) become a case of one-upmanship, with everyone wanting to out-do each other, or to feel you need to provide a memorable night (esp if people are travelling a long way). I like the idea of doing different things to fit with different groups, I particularly love the idea of camping.

I think these days there's so much more to do than just going out and getting trashed (though if you like that then you can do that!)

there are adventure days, spa afternoons which are more intimate and you get to share some really special times with your close friends. I think a meal and a few drinks probably sounds like ywhat you're after and sometimes you just need to give yourself a bit of a push to get into the swing of things.

I'm considering a nice afternoon at the races, as I'm really not into the whole hen do scene, and I don't have that many "friends" who aren't work peeps! x

And of course you are forgetting that you can also have a hitched hen night like we did for willownat last year!

just about to mention willownats hen night,

i didn't have a hen night really, just couldn't face it!!!

I feel the same way, not into all the accessories of a hen night, and getting drunk anymore. My sister, who is my bridesmaid I don't think will know she should helping me with it or arranging it. My fsil does not know any of my friends so thats one out the window as well.

I was thinking about a joint one, with h2b but he does not fancy one either. I have also been thinking this last week about a nice meal at the local chinese (no good for the old diet but quiter night) Also may be a make - up party or even down the road of an ann summers not really sure. But a least I will be at home then!

I don't want one either! My friends (well a couple of them) are desperate for me to have and are threatening to organise it themselves.

My dp is away at the weekend for his brothers stag do, and to be perfectly honest it's costing a fortune! £125 for the adventure type day and hotel, then in the evening they're going to a casino and nightclub. The following weekend is the hen night. It's in Bournemouth and has an 80's theme. So far I've spent £25 for the coach fare and £30ish on clothes, plus we're having a meal and clubbing. I think it's a lot of money, and I don't want our wedding to cost people a lot of money. Particularly when you think my dp and his brothers are all roofers/builders and have had next to no work for the last few weeks.

Luckily dp doesn't want a stag do either, so we're thinking of a meal out with friends/family followed by a few drinks in the pub. Can live without the hangover too!!

I can't bear the idea of a hen night. Basically - I don't really like girls. Well not in groups anyway. I'm not a proper girl, so find the idea of spending a night with screaming silly girls with L plates on completely horrific. I'd rather stay in and watch tv! I'm not into sex and the city, romantic comedies, shoes or makeup. I'd rather discuss cars, so that's probably why most of my friends are men.

So I'm not having one. Bah Humbug! I think to be honest, it's a tradition which needs to die a death. It's totally pointless and a waste of money.

Also in the current climate, I think it would be a bit much to ask friends who probably will already have to fork out for transport and accomodation to our wedding to also pay out for a hen night.

I'm really grumpy today - can you tell?!

Hey, and no one should have to feel forced into something which they won't enjoy!

Ali x

PS - sounds as though you've reached a compromise, Nona!

I'm having issues with my hen night too!

My CBM is my sister, who has a young daughter and may not be able to come so I'm organising it myself. I'm so focused on wedding organistation I pretty much can't be bothered organising a night/weekend out too! I hate the whole tacky hen night thing, my idea of a nice night out is good food, good wine and good chat.

So I think I'm just going to go for a reasonably quiet meal & drinks out in the town I live in, nice and simple, and even if it turns out to be just me, Mum and a couple of others, that'll be great ?