I know its different for everyone but...

Why wouldn't you want her there? Do you not get on?

Also is your own mum coming?

I would ask the same questions - I am doing 2 hens - one wild one with all the girls then one a bit more suitable for my mum and his mum to attend....just don't stress, remember she is just trying to be involved and is excited! x

Hi

My own isn't coming (due to back and neck problems, her own choice).

She is very judgemental, I don't feel I can relax around her, she makes me feel on edge. She nitpicks at a lot of things I say, and is very pushy.

Maybe I'm being silly, I do get on with her, but through gritting my teeth.

Trace

Echo the thoughts above, is your mum coming? If she is you really don't have a reason to say no that I can see. I had day with BMs and then all in evening, including OH's mum, aunties and cousins. I figured the more the merrrier, no-one will say anything horrid on your hen do I'm sure, she may just like the chance to spend time with you/your family

If it was me, I'd let her come. You're about to have this woman in your life for the rest of your/her life, so might as well start trying to get on now! Ask a very good friends to be on 'babysitting' duty - to sit and talk to her etc, so that you don't have to spend too much 1 on 1 time with her. If there's lots of you, you'll be so busy chatting to everyone else that you'll barely notice she's there, and it will mean a great deal to her.

If you don't want her on the evening bit can you just be honest? Say I'd love you to come to the daytime activities but I would like to keep the evening to just mates?

I had a weekend away that was family and close friends - both mothers came on that.

Then I had a night out that was mates - I didn't even invite them on that.

I think the best balance, is to have her there for the day, and say its mates only in the evening.

I don't want to seem mean, but I have tried really hard to include her so far (she came wedding dress shopping with my mum and I, she has come to our church, and seen our venue (noone else has so far), she gets regular updates, and I've asked her to get involved in things that she wanted to. I'm trying hard I just have this feeling that the evening do of a hen do should be with close friends and not with anyone that might make me feel that I'm being judged!!!

I know emotions run high with all this wedding planning, and I don't want to be unreasonable with her.

Thanks for all the advice so far x

I think it's unfair not to invite her to a hen, i' planning on having 2, one with the girls involving lots of drink and maybe a spa day/meal with the family/older ones and close friends x

I think that's fair.

I wouldn't have wanted my MIL on my night out with my mates (not that she would have wanted to come!). It's not that I don't love her, I do, it just wasn't appropriate for her to be there. That I can remember, anyway!

Did she seem excited at the thought of going? Or was she grudgingly saying 'oh well I suppose I should come' sort of thing? I think if shes excited at the prospect perhaps she thinks she may get the chance to get to know you better.

Alternatively, if you really really don't want her there I'd use Kharv's line and just ask her to come to the day

Im having 2 hen do's. One for friends and young family (Ibiza) then a mum's hen do (meal and a spa)

Perhaps you can suggest that your having a special one for mums and nans??

Yes as others have said, I had two. One with just mates which was a bit more raucous, I didn't invite any family on that one. Then I had a spa day/hotel stay over and a take that tribute night which for everyone, family and friends, my Mum and MIL came on that, as did Aunties, SIL, my 81 year old "nan" (she's been mums neighbour since I was born!). That kept everyone happy. I would think it is fairly standard, if you get on with her, to have her there though.

I had this problem with MY mum !!

Blunt as it sounds I simply don't want her there ! there is alot of water under the bridge between us and I want to keep it under there...but she assumed she would be there because she remembered getting into trouble from her own MIL for not having invited her along on her own hen do ( many moons ago ! ) so has thought this the norm ever since.

I'd never ever manage to relax and enjoy any of it if she was there. Thankfully I have managed to convince my mother not to attend but have told her we will arrange a spa day just for the 2 of us instead as it seems more appropriate.

Rather embarrassingly, I didn't even realise that mums/MiLs were supposed to come on hen dos - I'd only been to one before my own and there were no parents there. My mum is great but she lives 4 hours away and I don't think it crossed her mind to want to come! As for MiL - she's also great, but I'm not even sure if she knew the date of my hen do, and certainly wouldn't have imposed herself on me. If you were having your mum come along though, then I can see why it might be a bit more likely that your future MiL would want to come. I think that inviting her to the day but not the evening is a good compromise, if you and the rest of the party is happy with that.

Then just tell her she isn't invited. I will be very blunt with mine if I have to. Don't like her for starters, but even if I did she wouldn't be coming.