I need some advice please - family issue

Is there anywhere he could stay whilst he saves a bit of his money and proves to you that he wants to do it?

I really feel for you, my mum's brother has a drug addiction and the amount of times he has let us all down is sickening. Don't feel guilty...you can't put yourself and family at risk when he's so unpredicatable.

Has he sought help..AA?

?

I don't really have much useful advice, but what a tough decision to make and I don't think anyone would blame you for not wanting to do this. Is he getting any counselling/AA help? If he his, then I would think that part of that would be about accepting responsibilty for yourself and not blaming others? If he isn't, can you suggest something like this?

Thats strange, as I work for a housing company- we have a number of peopel on housing benefit and we recieve it directly fromer, whoever pays it (sorry can't remember who it is) That way it hits their rent accounts without fail every week- without that automatic system our collection rates would be actrious, I'm sure.

There must be a way this can be arranged? Actually i'd go as far as to say its bloody irresponsible of <forgotten agency name> if they can't do this.

Massive hugs to you and your brother. Is he withdrawing under medical care? is he able to go to rehab? does he have an alcohol support counsellor?

Thats strange, as I work for a housing company- we have a number of peopel on housing benefit and we recieve it directly fromer, whoever pays it (sorry can't remember who it is) That way it hits their rent accounts without fail every week- without that automatic system our collection rates would be actrious, I'm sure.

There must be a way this can be arranged? Actually i'd go as far as to say its bloody irresponsible of <forgotten agency name> if they can't do this.

Massive hugs to you and your brother. Is he withdrawing under medical care? is he able to go to rehab? does he have an alcohol support counsellor?

eta

Thats strange, as I work for a housing company- we have a number of peopel on housing benefit and we recieve it directly fromer, whoever pays it (sorry can't remember who it is) That way it hits their rent accounts without fail every week- without that automatic system our collection rates would be actrious, I'm sure.

There must be a way this can be arranged? Actually i'd go as far as to say its bloody irresponsible of <forgotten agency name> if they can't do this.

Massive hugs to you and your brother. Is he withdrawing under medical care? is he able to go to rehab? does he have an alcohol support counsellor?

eta sorry for

Thats strange, as I work for a housing company- we have a number of peopel on housing benefit and we recieve it directly fromer, whoever pays it (sorry can't remember who it is) That way it hits their rent accounts without fail every week- without that automatic system our collection rates would be actrious, I'm sure.

There must be a way this can be arranged? Actually i'd go as far as to say its bloody irresponsible of <forgotten agency name> if they can't do this.

Massive hugs to you and your brother. Is he withdrawing under medical care? is he able to go to rehab? does he have an alcohol support counsellor?

eta sorry

Yikes. Based on similar experience with a family member I'd be inclined not to help. It's a harsh approach but perhaps if he's not being bailed out of trouble it might force him to really address the issue. That's not a one size fits all answer though so good luck whatever you decide.

I remember some of your previous posts. I can't imagine how difficult the situation must be but I think you are right not to put yourself forward as guarantor. I'm sure it'll hurt and he may use it as an excuse to drink but he's an adult and must take responsibility for his own actions. I'm sure you are willing to help in all sorts of other ways. I know this is all very easy for an outsider to say though.

Try not to beat yourself up - this is not your fault.

Sorry Puddled!

The housing benefit can be paid straight to the landlord OR your brother so if you went for option of paying it direct to the landlord your brother won't have access to the money.

I think maybe he has to prove himself before you go putting yourself and your family at risk for his sake. This must be so hard for you - ?

Hyacinth, its a private rental, not a housing association

He is getting support about his problem, but thats not to say he wont just decide to drink again, as he has done many times in the past. There is nowhere he can stay

x

I wouldn't do it in your situation and echo what others say about this not being your fault.

I don't know if this is possible but is there any way you can set up a SO from the account such that he is not able to cancel it, ie, asking the bank to require two signatures or something? That way you could ensure the money goes where it is meant to.

They wont pay the housing benefit to the landlord. I pleased with them before when I was dealing with his claim. As he has his own bank account it has to go to him. I had to take his bank card without him knowing on the days it was going in and then withdraw it for the landlord

x

HB should be able to be paid straight to the landlord, so he should do that if it is an option.

I agree that he should prove himself before you help him again in future. From what I remember of your previous posts, he's let you and others down many times before.

But this is easy for me to say, I'm not involved. I really feel for you, tough love must be very hard. ?

Maybe I'm a bit soft, I would do it. I would however make it clear to him that I reserve the right to revoke the guarantee in the event that he falls off the wagon again.

ETA that I don't think there is anything at all wrong with deciding not to do it- I just realised my post sounded a bit critical when I read it back. What an awful situation for you. ?

I don't think you are saying that you have no faith in him by not doing it. If it were me I would WANT to do it, but financially I couldn't take the risk and for my husband and sons sake I couldn't take the risk. I would hope that your brother understands what a horrible situation he is putting you in and is understanding of your reluctance to do this.

Could you guarantee for a short period eg six months or something? Or could he not stay with family whist he is still newly on the wagon?

Unfortunately not, we dont have the room and my mum already has his kids and my nan living with her so her house is too small anyway. Six months is still too risky - if he decided to drink instead I would be stuck owing £400 a month. We are barely paying our bills at the minute so would end up being homeless ourselves.

I am going to have to tell him no, but where does that leave him - he would be homeless. I hate this!

xxxx

Have you sat him down and talked to him- explained to him the fact that you cannot be financially exposed like that. Surely this accommodation is not the only option? Has he tried the council/ housing association/ other private letting agencies?

I can't imagine how horrible this must be.

Maybe the lack of a safety net so to speak will make him stick to being sober?

What about instead of renting his own place, he could rent a room somewhere in a shared house then it wouldn't cost so much and they don't ask for a guarantor (well they didn't for a couple of friends I have who are fresh out of uni)?