I need to vent or else I'll cry!!

Hi hunni,

I am sorry you had a horrible email and have been upset. I too feel with my Sis that i have to tread on egg shells with her as she hates the fact that she rushed hers and had a tiny tiny wedding last year and we are having one a bit bigger and inviting more of the family (all paid for by us thou) so i have just had to plan most of mine on my own to save any hassel and they haven't really offered any help to be honest anyway!

I would say you and your OH talk it through and do what is best for you. If they didn't really have anyone else to ask to be usher then maybe that was why they asked you OH but your OH does have others to ask. Have you asked your mum what she thinks you should do? Maybe she will see both sides but help you make a decision based on that. The final decision should lay with you and OH though.

HTH and i hope you get it sorted soon hun x

I can totally sympathise as I have been having problems with one of my sisters to which came to blows on my hen weekend.... but that's a different story!

Tbh I wouldn't just make her husband an usher because she has thrown a strop over it. At the end of the day it's yours and yours oh's wedding, no one else's. Your day, your way!

My mum has suggested that OH speaks to BIL for the reasons I outlined before about me and sister dealing with it. OH just wants to keep the peace and tbh will probably do whatever I want at this point. I really feel bad for mum, she was really upset about how my sister went about it.

I have cried non-stop since OH got in from work. He as just headed out to get some dinner. Sod the diet onight!

Thank you for your suggestions, but thank you more for stopping and reading. Nice to know people care :-) x

Enjoy your take out and I justthink your sister is being stupid - you've not 'snubbed' her husband, you're OH just has good friends he couldn't not ask - simples!!!!

Your welcome hun just enjoy your evening with your Oh talk it through and maybe get him to give your BIL a call tomorro and see what happens. I would do what you want though. Families eh. I posted a few days ago about my OH and his mum asked His cousin to be a BM without asking me first and now i have had to try co ordinate everything (colours, dresses,shoes, etc) and now order another bm bouquet and thank you gift. I don't mind her being our bm it was just the principle of it and that my OH hadn't considered how much extra work he had created for me now having to re organise and match everything up that had already been bought or ordered for 1.

Try enjoy your evening. hugs x

Oh honey... that's awful! Why do weddings bring out the worst in people?! I agree with others that you shouldn't make your BIL an usher just because your sister is upset - it will only encourage her to continue to act this way in future. Take some time to calm down, enjoy your take away and talk it through with your OH.

Whatever you decide to do, be honest about how hurt you are - not just that she has sent this email but that she has waited this long to talk to you about it and that she would think you guys 'snubbed' her husband. Maybe reminded her how stressful planning a wedding is and how many hard decision have to made. If you're trying to keep your bridal party small and your OH has 3 really close friends, it only makes sense.

You might also have your OH call your BIL to say the same thing and maybe your BIL will talk to your sister. He probably isn't bothered about it and may be upset with her for causing such an issue!

It's tricky isn't it? At the end of the day, the bride decides on her BMs and the grrom decides on his BM and ushers.

It shouldn't be down to you and your sister; I think the boys should have a chat

From my experience I think you could be right here, if you ask now they may say you don't really want him as you never asked before and make an issue of that, or if you don't ask then they will think you are still 'snubbing' (which I dont think you are at all) them.

My SIL2B made an issue of not being a bridesmaid, so much so that MIL phoned us when she was abroad saying how upset SIL was that she wasnt a bm. Still didnt ask her though, I had chosen my good friends and had younger family members to be my younger bridesmaid (SIL daughter a flowergirl and her son a page boy but still wasnt good enough). I have 2 male cousins who are more like brothers to me and I would love to have them at ushers, but its got to stop somewhere would be great if everyone could have a role but its just not possible.

Hope you feel better you definately do not need this stress. Have a nice chill out tonight, no wedding talk!!

It's a shame that it's come to this and she couldn't have addressed the situation sooner and in a more informal manner. If I were you, I think I'd respond by email, explain your reasons briefly to highlight the fact that it's her problem, not yours and put it back to her. Ask her what she/they want. Chances are, he now wont want to be an usher out of principle, but if you don't offer it then you will be in the wrong for that too. As you say, whatever you do will probably be wrong. Act (where possible) but it sounds as though this is now about proving a point and all you can do is explain in brief the reasons for your decisions and don't entertain it too much. That's how I would deal with it anyway...

Oops sorry, was trying to say "accomodate where possible". I really believe that she just wanted to say her piece, on what's been nagging away at her/them, so I reckon, if you don't entertain it too much it will soon blow over.

Anyway, try not to stress about it and enjoy your take out x

Absolutely this. It really isn't down to you, if your OH isn't close to your sister's husband then the whole thing is a bit daft really, why would she expect her husband to be involved? As far as I knew the groom picked his friends/family, the bride picked hers. I agree with Nurse, the men need to have a chat and your sis needs to calm down on this, why is she letting something so petty get in the way of enjoying the wedding preparations - is there anything else at play here?

Didn't want to read and run but can only echo what previous posters have said - it's our day so have it how you both want. Personally I find it so irritating when people can't just say what's bothering them and act up until you tease it out of them! ?

Perhaps she felt some kind of (perhaps misplaced) sisterly loyalty to include your OH in her wedding and by implication the family, and wrongly assumed that it would be the same for you. You're not a mind reader though and as you said, she doesn't like to talk things out so small things like this get blown out of proportion.

I hope things calm down for you soon.

Thank you everyone for your lovely messages. OH is meeting BIL on Friday after work. I don't think my sister is aware, I'm defo not going to tell her. Hopefully they can chat and sort something out.

Thank you again ladies!!

Ps - diet back on, 1 hr in the gym today to burn off last nights bad dinner