I officially give up on my BM's

Big internet weirdie hugs for you flower ?

I organised my own hen do after all 3 BMs showed no interest at all. They are busy. I thought they may organise a surprise for me - nope!! Although my cousin did buy me a veil/boa etc. They haven't lifted a finger with any of the wedding planning.

The joke is we have bought their dresses, accessories and a bag full of goodies. And the Mother made me buy a card to thank them all for being BMs!! It is so very disappointing when people who you regard so highly couldn't give a toss about such an important day. I would have a wee word with them just to explain how important this is to you and how you would value their input and help - it's not like you're asking for the moon on a stick!

Shall I be one of your honorary BMs? I can help organise and will make you look vay, vay thin in the photos if you stand next to me! x x

Sorry to hear your BMs have been so pants Your mum sounds like an absolute legend though!

I think my bridesmaids should be ok. I haven't had to call on them much so far though. One I know will be awesome because she's been a bridesmaid before and is married herself, so she knows what goes into it and she's already given me loads of advice. The other two, including my MOH, haven't planned a wedding before so although they're really excited, I don't know if they know what they've let themselves in for! I need to get us all together really, which is no mean feat when I'm in MK, one BM is in London, another in Stoke and another in Manchester!!

Ah sorry to hear that....Just out of interest how old are they? I only ask I was married before when I was 24 and all my friends are same age as me as we're all school friends and I was oldest of the group so when we had my hen weekend some were still 23 and my BM's at the time didn't really do much to help plan the weekend away. I remember organising all that myself although they did get some games involved while we were there but it kinda felt more like a weekend away. I just think none of us really knew what we should be doing at that age. Now we're 5/6 years older and my 2 BM's are already married so they are organising hen weekend without any input from me and I think it's more organised as we're older and wiser! x

Ah thanks Spangles. Honestly i ready to scream. I too have bought their dresses and all their accessories and am paying for their hair and make up infact all i asked of them apart from turning up on the day gettign pampered adn walking in a straight line was to organise this weekend. I did tell them it was imprtant to me that everyone had a decent amount of time to save, my hen weekend is at the end of Jan so everyone will be just getting over Christmas and new year and money will be tight. My sil i thought would be great she married my bro a couple fo year ago ahs been a BM before is super organised and i was hers and pulled out all the stops for her, yet she now wont even be at the weekend as has organised a holiday that weekend, she booked it after i had confirmed what weekend my hen would be! What makes me more mad is that i have one mate who has been amazing since we announced our enagement and i relaly wish i had asked her instead. arggghhhh ! And of course you can be my honary BM. Thanks for the offer.

SammyJay i thought i had picked the best two for the job... how wrong was i? But you are right my mum has really come through for me. To be honest she is quite like me in that she loves a good party so i think she was more worried that a party opportunity was being missed!! he he

Nicnol if tehy were young and hadnt done it before i would understand. My sil is 33 and teh other BM is 26. And both of them have been Bm's before i thought i was getting a BM SWAT team!!

He he sorry I have vision's of a BM SWAT team now!!!

It's such a pain as you obviously thought they were right for the job and are totally disappointed now! At least your Mum has come through and she may make them feel like they're useless so makes them feel guilty?! Can only hope!

Can't believe that SIL has booked another weekend away.....I'd demote her from BM duties!!! xx

Awww that is just not on!

Hope you tell them how disappointed you are! Busy or not, that's what bridesmaids are for!!! If they thought they'd be too busy they should have just said at the beginning.

I am only having 2 adult bridesmaids and (possibly) one junior (12 years old).

One of my adult BMs is my OH's sister, and the other is my best friend who got married herself in March last year. As the latter is heavily pregnant (5 days overdue now!!!), I can understand that she can hardly help me with anything at the moment. But what I don't get is my OH's sister! We get on well, she has no other obligations (lives with her boyfriend, no children) but hasn't shown much interest. Whilst heavily pregnant, my best friend came over with a car full of stuff I am borrowing from her for the wedding (such as the candelabra for the centrepieces etc) and magazines and we had a lovely day planning and looking at stuff. My OH's sister was suppossed to show up but at the last minute she texted me she could no longer come as her bf was poorly. I am diabetic myself and so is he so i understood. But she didn't show the 2nd time either. This time we were supposed to go to Country Baskets to have a look around at candles and decorations, and my best friend was going to drive us.As it happens, my pregnant best friend eventually said she couldn't make it as she was feeling especially uncomfortable that day but said she would have still come if my OH's sisterwas coming, just to not let us down.

I even bought her a small book from Confetti - "The Bridesmaid's book" as a hint but she just thanked me for my "thoughtful gift" assuring me she'd been a bridesmaid before, albeit a good few years ago, as a child. She hadn't understood the hint - the first few pages actually underline what are the main duties before the wedding for a BM.

So yes, I hear you! I have a feeling I'll be organising my own hen do, too! Why are people like this nowadays? Expecting everything and giving nothing! I hope your ladies come to their senses LOL!

hugs xxx

Nicnol i wish i could demote her. as she is my brothers wife if i did it would make every family get together just impossible so cant - although trust me i have told her exactly what i think of her holiday timing.

V Princess if they had said they were too busy then i would have understoor and could have asked one of my other mates who would have loved to have ben involved and would have organised a blinder. Big well done to your mate for being such a star even when pregnant. Wouldnt mind as much but our budget is really tight but am paying for everything for them feel as though i am being cheated a bit.

Goodluck to you too xx

Aww hon - that's no fun at all, but i'm impressed by your mum! Good on her. I have left mine with my closest bridesmaid but have no idea if anythings been done. Hope your night goes swimmingly. Try not to let it get to you and enjoy it when it arrives. x

I planned my own hen do. My mum did all the silly things like t-shirts and games. I've bought everything for my bridesmaids. All I want them to do is be with me on the day, let me stress and moan to them and look pretty!

Maybe they were wanting to leave it a wee while to organise it, and maybe they had a massive surprise planned! Hope not now tho! I left it in the capable hand of my 2 BMs and they have contacted the people. My sis said earlier that there are some who havent replied so shes chasing them up! Jus be careful how you go about saying to the BMs, cos you dont want to offend them!! It was tuff knowing that its 1 thing out of my control, but im happy to let them plod on!!

I love the way you think teh best ofthem. I have spoken to one BM last wekk and she admitted nothign except the stuff that i had organised had been done. I asked her if anyone had been contacted ( I knew the answer to this already as i had asked 2 of my mates who i saw and said i didnt want to know what they were told just if they had been contacted) and she said no. TBH I now cant have a weekend away as i know that some of my mates will have difficulty raising the money in the run up to Christams (myself included) and wouldnt feel happy putting them in that position. I have no problem it being ut of my control i love surprises adn was so relieved when I sent them the email as it wa one thing i didnt have to organise just look forward to. As i have said before my mum has been great and when i spoke toher last night she said that she had had a word with my dad and they had agreed that they would fund a big chunk of what i now have planned, bless them i do love them so much. She then went on to say that we would talk about it this weekend, its my dads birthday so we are goign up to London for a meal and my brother and his wife (one of my BMs) will be there. MY mum said it would do her good to hear that i have gone and sorted everything and let her know that i am very disappointed etc - when i told my OH that he looked at me smile and said he now knew where i got my bitchy spreak from!! he he

Oh tinks I feel for you. Big hugs chick ?

Thank god for our bloody amazing mums!!

I think you should give them a big 'What for!!!'

My two sisters are MOH/BM but have not had a lot to do with organising anything and I have already suggested that the whole idea of being BM isnt just about turning up on the day and looking the part. They have since then started to get more involved. (And I have to say though they have been just wonderful after my recent upsets)

My best friend is organising the hen weekend and is doing a sterling job, bless her.

Hope you can get some action form your SIL after a chat at the weekend.

Got everything crossed for you xxxxx

Oh ladies - sorry to hear that the girls are letting you down.

My BMs have been ok, but the hen do was tasked to my gay friend Dan as he is so organised and I wanted to involve him. The BMs also said they preferred this as they wouldn't have too much responsibility but could still have input. Though I saw them at a party recently and they mentioned they may have to take over planning as Dan was going over the top with a never-ending budget. I do think budgets need to be considered - hopefully they can sort it out without me ?

I had issues with the Best men (we have 3 and no ushers) they had not done any planning since H2B asked them to be BM 7 months ago! I wrote them a private message on facebook asking them to either start planning or I would take over. This soon got things happening. Yay! Maybe your OHs could do similar for your Bridesmaids? Just tell them he has noticed your feeling a bit fatigued and could really do with a hand as all that matters is spending the hen-do with the ladies you love. I love a bit of emotional blackmail!

iwent to london for my hen party with 8 others and we all paid 80 quid to moh and we arrived and nothing had been planned it was horrible just wanted to go home stiil dont know where money went as we all paid for rooms 99 quid ,, now moh has nt bothered to get her dress arrange one thing still feeling very upset about it all , with 31 days to go beging to feel like she can please herself only thing is she is to be my sister in law great start and my h2b says not to worry she will get it sorted ,,, NOT TO WORRY NOT TO FLIPPING WORRY !!!!!!!!!! ? he wont say a thing to her !!!!

I'm a little scared that I have actually delegated any of this stuff out! I don't have any adult bridesmaids or a maid of honour (just one 2 year old flower girl) and had planned do organise it all myself. It's getting more and more stressful already and I still have over 10 months to go! Doesn't help that I am a full time mum doing an open university degree and I have a big paper due 3 weeks before the wedding