I really really need help and advice

Have you asked him outright if anything has happened? It doesn't look good to me I'm afraid.

At the risk of sounding rather Mumsnet-ish, LTB. Even if he's not shagging her (which I strongly suspect) he's being completely disrespectful and rude to you.

I would have the same suspicions as Helenia. I've never known a man to put that much time into a platonic relationship.

Sorry you are going through this. ?

Its probably not what you want to hear but it really doesn't sound good particularly as you have told him how you feel and yet this all still continues.

Personally I would not stand for it and would be kicking his sorry ass out the door.

Its better to sort this all now before you get married.

You're not being a jealous psycho, you are upset because of a series of events.

Even if he wasn't having a sexual relationship with her (which I'm sorry but I strongly suspect he is) the fact that you are upset and rumours are going around at work should be enough to make him stop any kind of contact with her. If he is a supervisor and she is on his team he should request that she be moved. It is inappropriate and unprofessional to be sending your boss work related private messages on Facebook.

The fact that he is still messaging and meeting up with her, despite knowing how upset you are, means he us a jerk. I'm sorry but I think he is cheating and you deserve better.

This. Even if it was all innocent (which it doesn't sound like to me) then isn't he bothered that the whole this is upsetting you and how it is making him look at work? Sorry to hear he is making you feel like this, you need to have it out with him.

What Helenia said.

I suspect they are having an affair or are about to. Whether its physical or emotional it doesn't matter, he is investing way too much time in her, it's gone beyond friendship. He is disrespecting you,he doesn't care how you feel about it. Leave. Actually don't leave, get rid of the ***.

Sorry to say, but this. Kick him to the curb.

So sorry you're going through this but it's not on, tell him to get his bags and go.

I ignored the (much less substantial) warning signs that ExH was cheating on me before we got married. They continued after the wedding. On our first wedding anniversary he told me he was leaving.

It would have been much better if i have listened to my gut and dumped him before we got married. not hid my head in the sand and gone ahead with the wedding.

Listen to your gut. Always.

This is another Mumsnetty thing to say but he will minimise his behaviour to you. It was just a day out, it was just a lift home, it was just a text, it didn't mean anything, it was nothing. He will play down his behaviour to make it seem like nothing so you will question yourself and your feelings. Don't let him do this.

I'm really sorry this is happening. I agree with the others. I suspect he is up to no good and by turning it on you by calling you a jealous psycho, takes the spotlight off of him.

Of course she will be nicey nicey to you. Keep your friend close and enemies closer.

Having been in a relationship where he was cheating on me, I will tell you now to go with your gut. If you suspect, it's probably happening. If you feel the need to check his phone/emails/fb/snapchat, then it's time to get out. You will end up driving yourself crazy.

You deserve more than this. It's totally disrespectful.

This. And don't forget the "She threw himself at me, it was all her, she means nothing to me blahblahblah" as well. He is involved. He knows how upset you are, and it doesn't matter who started it, it takes two to continue.

I don't have anything else to add. Just didn't to read and run. So sorry for fiancé is being like that, I would have kicked him out long ago if that was mine. Regardless of working together he would be straight out that door. I know it's easier said than done though.

Oh this isn't good I'm sending you hugs I hope you have a good friend round to help you with this.

when he goes for his fun day out I would either, follow them and see what's going on or throw all his stuff and and change the locks.

I'm sorry you're going through this it's awful. I honestly believe that if their relationship was innocent and if he valued your relationship he would be horrified if he knew that you and other people thought they were having a fling and would've/should've changed his behaviour to show this. If you were overreacting (which I don't think you are) he should've made an effort to include you or be more open with you rather than the secrecy that you mentioned and calling you a jealous pyscho. If it were me I would be out of there.

I agree with the majority vote. It sounds to me like he is having a more than platonic relationship with this woman (or is about to). Even if it is 'all her' coming onto him, that doesn't make him innocent, especially when he is going out of his way to see her so often outside of work.

He is being disrespectful to you by ignoring your fears. At the very least he should have stopped seeing her outside of work, or made an effort to include you in their plans so that the other woman could see that you were a couple in a committed relationship. By failing to do either of those things he has actively encouraged her behaviour, which, in my eyes, means he wants it to continue or develop further.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. if it were me unless something changed very quickly and very drastically I would leave him. I don't think that it would be good for you to go ahead and marry this man with this betrayal hanging over you.

I hope you find some answers or closure.

I absolutely agree. Even if there is nothing going on (and I'd be suspicious too) as soon as he knew you were upset he should have stopped it all. He didn't, Therefore in my book he is thinking of her more than you. BIG RED FLAG for me.

You poor thing. I agree with everyone else that he is minimising and being completely disrespectful. If it's just an innocent friendship and he cared about your feelings then there are changes he could have made to make the situation better (ie NOT staying out with her until midnight again and again). The fact that he is putting his "friendship" with her above your feelings is not good. Neither is him turning it around on you and calling you a jealous psycho. Those are not the words of someone who respects you and your relationship. I'm really sorry, but you need to have a very serious talk with him.

So sorry to read this......I hope you can resolve things but I would agree with some of the good advice you have had here. If you do not yet have concrete proof can you not call their bluff and decide last minute you are going to the theme park too? I hate big rides too but there is always something to do there and it may just confirm things one way or the other.

Good luck x

Sorry to hear this.

Regardless of what the details are, I'm reading it as - Your OH has done something you have told him you don't like and upsets you. Then he has carried on doing it. That's not fair.

Bring in to it the fact it's about another woman and it REALLY isn't on. He's disregarded your feelings and chosen to see her again.

If I were you I would tell him that he's seemingly chosen her over you... then chuck him out and change the locks!

Whatever happens, if you want to chat we are here. ?

I agree with what everyone else has said. My ex did this too and over two years he and the other woman absolutely convinced me that it was all in my head, I was the jealous psycho. In actual fact he'd been shagging her all along, including the weekend I found out I was pregnant with our son. Nice.

As for your fiancé, whether or not he's having an affair with this person, he is absolutely dismissing your feelings and making a fool of you. Don't stand for it. You are better than that. Nobody deserves to be treated with such contempt.

Thank you so much for replying! I'm overwhelmed that so many of you have listened to me.

In my heart I don't think he's physically cheated on me but I think it's more just sending messages to each other. I spoke to a couple of ppl at work and they think he's just having an ego boost and enjoying the attention. I've just mentioned again to him how much I hate the girl and that I've really made an effort to get on with her, but I don't like her at all.

Im going to keep an eye out and see where it goes.

I can't believe I've become this kind of woman to let people walk all over me! I've always been strong and vocal but I guess I've been worn down with stress and exhaustion.

i won't fly off the handle straight away, I want to gather loads of evidence before I say anything else again so I've got LOADS to say to them both.

He is being an absolute *** to you, whether he has physically cheated or not.

And from the information you have given us, its sounds extremely likely that he has or will be soon.

No one deserves to be treated like this.

She sound delightful - not. Its not like she is an old childhood friend of your OH etc, she is a relatively new work colleague and she is being a complete skank.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I suppose I can only say what I'd do in your situation and that would be to get out of this relationship now. As far as I'm concerned, you don't need any more 'evidence' - the evidence is clear as day, even if he hasn't actually boffed her yet.

I feel sick

i don't know what to do.

It sounds to me like he is blatantly flaunting his relationship with this woman in your face, how disrespectful.

Why do you think he hasn't slept with her? Can you really be sure? Even if he hasn't, do you want a life like this?

Whatever you do, you need to take control of the situation. You need to tell him how you want him to behave and if it means him leaving then so be it. I would be surprised if they aren't sleeping together or at least considering it. You need to call the shots here and stop letting him walk all over you, his behaviour is disgusting. He has feelings for this woman regardless of whether he's sleeping with her or not, and he's blatantly flaunting this in front of you, it's horrible and totally disrespectful.

That's natural.

I'd say you need a clear plan of action, but first you have to be clear in your head that his behaviour towards you is not something you will tolerate. All the advice from the good people here has warned you of alarm bells, but we are not in your shoes.

But please, if you allow him to get away with disrespectful behaviour now, it will not get better (speaking from experience!).

You can use us to formulate that plan of action if you need to. Trust me when I say that Otter support is just the best.

At the risk of being too cliche. Life is too short to let yourself be treated like this. You deserver better. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and as someone else said if he is treating you like this now as you are about to get married, why what will he be like when it is a 'done deal' so to speak. Yes it seems like a painful decision in the short term but you have to think of the long term here. If he had done something and was oblivious to how he might be making you feel and then immediately stopped it once he knew then ok but he knows and is essentially putting this girl before your feelings. You will be married along time, don't marry the wrong man. Don't settle for any less than you would expect. Sorry you are going through this but you can find the strength to do the right thing.

Good god, this sounds like my H. Who I am going to be divorcing. Best thing I ever did was chuck him out - seems like the only difference between your fiance and my H is that you're not married yet.

He may not have cheated physically, but he is mentally in some sort of relationship with this woman.

Be strong, if this is not how you want to be treated then don't allow it to happen.