I survived!!

Glad you got through it!

If you read what the Bible says about marriage (Ecclesiastes) it actually puts far more obligation on the man. He's the one that has to behave perfectly and put his wife above all other things - including his own family!

My old Rector (a wise woman) used to say that although the man in nominally the head of the woman, he is only allowed to ask her to do things that would be her choice anyway!!

Not so scary if you look at it like that!

He gave a very odd talk about being a submissive woman and something about leaky roofs and women stopping the leaking and dripping onto the man. Bizarre!

I'm not quite sure I understand what that means AC? If it was her choice, why does he need to ask?

I got given a Jehovah's Witness guide to marriage by a work colleague before I got married. It was interesting.

It made me wonder what makes some people believe in god and others not.

Well he doesn't really.

You have to take it in the context of the time it was written when the man was very much the head of the household and what he said went. Every time,. no arguments. But Christianity says that his decision should be totally what his wife wants. No arguments! (So in effect, she gets what she wants every time)

It's a sneaky (or thoughtful) way of reversing the overt sexism of the time.

Interesting Panjita. Why scary? Were there many non-JWs there?

What did you wear in the end? Do you have any flashes ?

I reckon a high percentage is just upbringing/nurture. I imagne if you were brought up with the concept of god/faith, it must feel such an intrinsic part of you. I have no statistical evidence in support of this, just a feeling.

What do you think?

This is my question too!

Did you get a head piece/facinator?

I think the JW's take the bible far more literally than some Christians though and the wedding talk that was given did not come across in that way at all. It was more that the woman's role was simply to support her husband and make sure everything is perfect for him and should anything start to go wrong that she needs to sort it out and help her husband. Basically it sounded like anything that might not be perfect in the marriage would be down to the woman.

SD's MIL was chatting to H & I and said these exact words "I don't think she realises that he will need 5 shirts ironed every week, 5 lunches made for work, dinner 7 nights a week" so I said "I don't iron H's shirts, nor do I make his lunches". She looked really shocked and asked me who did his ironing.

I understand you are Christian AC and that you will stand by Christian beliefs and I respect that but I honestly don't think that the JW's are on the same page as you. I'm not saying they or you are wrong but I'm just saying their way is not right for me and I found it quite shocking and made me a bit scared for my SD, wondering what she has let herself in for (knowing what a strong willed madam she is).

I wasn't going to comment on this because your first line in the OP really peed me off, and I get sick of trying to explain things only for it to be twisted. But that last post is absolute crap. I don't know whether you don't listen or you exaggerate because you think it sounds better but you have no right to spout lies like that. Would you feel it's acceptable to do the same if you step daughter was a different ('bigger') religion? Somehow I don't think so.

I'm sorry if you think I'm being an arse, but I'm sick to death of your Jehovah's Witness bashing. You are incorrect, inflammatory, and stirring shite for no good reason.

I don't think you are being an arse at all, you know the religion far better than I do and I'm not necessarily bashing them. I said that I am not saying they are wrong, just that it's not for me.

If how I interpreted the wedding talk is wrong then how should I have interpreted it?

And as for my first line, it was meant to be a joke about god not striking me down. Did you misinterpret that as something else?

You continually type things that are the total opposite of the actual teachings, and because it's over a screen I can't possibly refute what you are saying other than my word against yours, I can't show you anything, or explain anything properly, and everyone who looks in on this thread will take what you are saying as fact and think they are a bunch of weirdos. It's not fair.

I wasn't there for the wedding talk, so I can't say can I. All I can say is I don't know a single Jehovah's Witness who feels or acts the way you have described. You are completely wrong.

Why do I get the feeling you're glad I've commented and now want a big lengthy discussion about it. I'm sorry, but I'm not interested. I'm far too hormonal to cope with trying to defend my familys way of life, when you clearly think it's some weird cult and won't ever change your mind, so it's pointless.

Please just stop with these passive aggressive threads though. There's no need. Surely you step daughter has now moved in with her husband and you don't have to worry about it any more?

I don't know enough to have any opinion on the religious beliefs of JW - but regarding the MIL's comment about her "not knowing what she's getting herself in for" and is now expected to make meals, lunches and iron shirts. My friend does not belong to that religion but her husband expects those things from her - along with a spotless house etc. etc. when in fact she works longer hours than him at work and has to bring a lot of work home with her. It's little to do with religion and more to do with being a sexist man I'd say.....

In fairness I actually said how lovely they all were and they are definitely a lot more "normal" (for want of a better word!) than many people would think. Also, I have to say just how amazing their community spirit is and how they all mucked in to help out with the wedding. Not one single person was nasty or dismissive towards our side of the family and as people I have nothing bad to say about them. I stand by my feeiings about the wedding talk, not just myself but all of the non-JW's in the ceremony were a little taken aback but if you say we have interpreted it wrongly then that is fine, we are not used to hearing those talks so maybe we did hear it wrong.

I didn't want to get into an argument/discussion at all. Just to say what a fantastic wedding it was and that basically, I was pleasantly surprised.

Seriously OB, I am a nice person who just wants the best for my SD and her happiness is my main concern in all of this and I think if you feel that now she is married then I should stop caring/worrying, then I find that a bit odd. She is happy so I don't have anything to worry about until she's not, so let's just hope that time never comes.

Also, as I said before, she knows what her faith teaches about marriage and if she is happy with that (and her own interpretation of that - she knows it better than me) then I have absolutely nothing to say about that, it's her choice.

Can I just add that the elder that took the service is her stepfather and I have to admit that he seems to be far more strict than anyone I have ever met in my life, I tarred all JW's with his brush and I know now that that was unfair of me. I thought that his standards and his ways were the ways of the JW's and I have learned since meeting many others that he is one on his own and the others I have met are far more relaxed.

I can show you this from the Watchtower website. Now I know there may be other ways to interpret this passage but it just doesn't sit right with me.

This theme seemed to be the main thread running through the wedding talk. i.e. submission to your husband is not easy for all women but look over your husbands shoulder and see god and remember that it is what he wants and if you want to please him, then that's what you need to do.

But Panj, the bible says that gay people are evil, that working on Sunday is a sin and that tattoos are an abomination - that doesn't mean every Roman Catholic believes those things?

Surely JW is like any other religion that you have fundamentalists as well as more progressive members?

But if you don't believe those things, how are you true to your faith? If that's what is written by god and you have faith in god, then why would you not believe the bible? It's all very confusing.

I think it's true that you have the more hardcore JW's as you do in any religion. It seems to me though (correct me if I'm wrong, those in the know), that most of them do actually seem to follow the bible more closely than other branches of Christianity in that they don't cherry pick those bits that suit and those that don't. I was told that you can be a gay JW, you just are not allowed to be a practising gay.

MOVING ON....

Here is my flash. can't flash the bride as she would not be happy with me!! Not the best photo, but the best I have.

That dress looks fab!!

Thank you. I think the original comments were correct and it wasn't very 'weddingy' but i loved it and I will definitely wear it again.

You look fab Panj - amazing figure!

This is the FIRST PART of the quote I mentioned upthread! If you continue reading it goes on to outline the man's responsibilities, which are huge. He has to treat his wife as part of his own body, ie put her first in everything. It's easy to take things out of context, or only partially.

What AC said. I give up.

Sorry AC, I didn't take that quote direct from the bible, but from this link:

http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2007041

It does say that men should practice their headship in a LOVING way, not a SELFISH one but it's the idea that there should be "headship" in a marriage at all that would be an issue for me, however loving it may be. Please don't take offence in what I am saying though, I think it's quite tolerable a thought that it's not for everyone. Even people brought up within "the truth" can find it hard to remain a part of. I imagine you have to be very, very committed to follow all of the teachings so closely. None of the (3) JW friends I had at school are still practicing.