I think I'm going to have problems with my mum...

I really feel for you, cant imagine my mum being like that. She should totally support whatever you choose, even if you wanted oompa loompas serving your canapes! I think you def need to be strong and stick to your guns. When it comes to your dress, go with your heart, you would only regret it otherwise. Xxx

Ooo does sound a bit OTT of your mother...... i'm sorry you;re dealing with it, I had a mother of the opposite so cant advise!

However, your mum might be right about table cloths?? Lemons a softer alternative but yellow in an eating environment isnt very relaxing,... i had heard once it was a great colour in cafes as it made you want to eat and leave as soon as.

Might be total codswallop of course but white with a yellow runner might seem 'easier to digest' ??

goodluck with her!

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Aww, I do feel for you!

I defo think you need to be strong with her and be adamant about what you want for your wedding, maybe try and sit her down and talk to her, saying you apreciate all the help, support etc but its your day and you want it done your way and the dress you want.

Good luck! x

Hi

I totally appreciate where you are coming from with your mum being a little strong with her opinions. However in her defense although it is your special day, she may also have been dreaming of your wedding since your were little.

Over the past 18 years I have worked with a number of brides in exactly the same position as yourself, I suggest a number of methods to help each client manage the OTT Mother Syndrome.

1. Create a mood board - clearly identify the style, theme and colour/shade you would like to go with. For example show your mum how you wish to blend more subtle shades into the yellow table setting and room theme, demonstrate how the white flowers will tone down the cloth etc.

2. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, maybe suggest a day wedding dress shopping with your mum, go and try dresses on in Debenhams first show willing, let her see you in the various dresses, you never know what you may find. Then arrange to move straight onto a Maggie stockist and try on the dress you feel you really want. I have witnessed mothers of the bride reduced to tears when their princess walk out of the changing room in "THE DRESS". At this point you can have a quiet word and say that you and your partner are grateful of the offer to pay for the dress, but as the one you want is a little more than budgeted - you would like to contribute.

3. Listen to what your mum has to say, sometimes it is all to easy to become defensive instead of taking her comments on board. You are asking her to listen to your ideas, try to return the request. If you do not agree or she starts to become over powering - sit her down when you are relaxed and explain this is your day, you would like to plan the day with her input not told what to do.

I hope this helps.

Donna

Have you told her it's YOUR wedding and you've always wanted whatever? Sometimes mums transfer onto you, and want all the things they never had for their own wedding for yours. I think you need to be firm with her, tell her what you want. (might be a bit extreme but tears go a long way with mums!)

If your parents are paying for your dress though and they have set their budget you will probably need to add your own cash for a designer dress or get a chinese copy.

BTW I agree with the yellow tablecloths thing - runners or pale lemon would be better.

She's probably just so excited that she's getting carried away! You've been engaged for less than 6 weeks so some might think that it's a little too early to be deciding firm on cakes etc. It's great to get ideas but I'm sure plenty of the ladies on here will tell you that their ideas have developed and changed a lot, particularly during the first 6 months of being engaged.

In terms of the cake, for instance, tell her there's no need to formalise the colours yet and tell her you'll discuss it again in a few months time. It'll give her a chance to calm down and for you to be sure about what you want. Similarly, with your dress, it's difficult to know which dress you'll get until you start trying them on - it really is surprising what suits you and what doesn't! When you feel it's the right time to go, take her along to several bridal stores and try on lots of different styles. She'll soon realise there is a world of difference in terms of style, craftsmanship and detail between dresses from a bridal store and a department store.

I think you need to tell her to relax - the sooner you set the boundaries the better! Good luck!

OOOh a Mumzilla... I read some funny articles about Mumzillas in a bridal magazine. My favourite being one where the mum totally took over and, on the day, wore a white dress and a little veil. Talk about thunder-stealing.

I think that you need to be firm, my mum keeps on trying to get me to agree to stuff I don't want to agree to (having the desert vegan just because she has suddently developed a "lactose intolerance"- funny, she never used to have this problem).

I am quite firm and just tell her "no"!

With the dress, if she wants to buy the dress but doesn't want to spend a fortune, why not tell her firmly that you would like a certain dress, and, as it is expensive you wouldn't expect her to pay, but if she wants, she can make a contribution. That's what I have done with my mum!

It must be really really annoying but if it was me I would try and compromise just a bit and show that you're willing to listen to her ideas. She may calm down over the next few months, she probably just excited with a million ideas! However, you do need to be clear that it is YOUR day YOUR way. As for the dress, I like the idea of going to Debenhams first and then taking her to shops of your choice and once she sees you in that maggies she'll forget all about Debenhams!! I would have loved my mum to have gotten involved, but she hasn't been interested at all, full stop. She has cancelled everything weddingy that we arranged and hasn't even seen my dress so I am a little bit envious!!

Ok i agree with what everyone says but how does H2b feel about the wedding and maybe if he agrees with your choices you can say to your mum that H2b and I spent time choosing this specifically and that you really want your H2b choices included in the day as it is his day as well! She might be less likely to bulldozer over your H2b ideas than yours - won't help you with the dress but may help with everything else......

Mum's are the absolute best and there's hardly a bride that comes to us without mum in tow, providing support and giving advice and ideas. More often than not, they give their opinions on everything and I do think its their prerogative to do so but I agree that they need to be reminded that the bride should be allowed to make her own choices.

Please remember that she loves you and whatever she is doing is not to hurt you so you just need to gently tell her that you will like to decide on certain things yourself. Don't tell her this everytime she criticises but let her know quite firmly and as gently as possible that you value her opinions but will also like her to value and honor yours.

Good luck with it all.

Hey,

I do sympathise because when we first got engaged both my mum and H2B mum were a bit like this! Offering to make things/suggesting ideas left right and centre...not a day went by when we didn't have a phone call from one of them asking or suggesting things...I nearly had a mental breakdown!!

However things do calm down! MIL2B has really laid off (partly because H2B doesn't tell her every little detail, which I think helps!) and my Mum has got a lot better. I think it's better to just try and be tactful - listen to their ideas but explain your ideas as well. I found it helpful to give my Mum little 'jobs' then she can busy herself reasarching that and still feels important.

I also found the 'mood board' idea really useful like Donna suggested. At first my Mum didn't understand my colour theme and it was really frustrating, so I showed her my little scrap book and I think she gets it more now!

I still have to rein her in about loads of ideas, we have quite different tastes, but remember for Mum's its a really important day for them too - they are going to shine in their own way and sometimes I think Mum's think they are almost as important as the bride! Just let them think that way we know who is really...hehe xx

I'm in the same kind of situation. I always considered my mum to be really laid back and never thought she would have too many opinions. I think in her own way she's trying to help me and keep me grounded when it comes to cost. She wasn't happy with my venue as she felt it would be far too expensive, I'm not sure what is considered expense in the eye's of other brides but I have estimated that with 80 day quests and 150 in total at the evining my venue would be about £6500ish, is this expensive? this includes use of the venue for the ceremony so no additional registrar costs etc.

Then my mum was insistant that her cousins who I have only met twice at funerals (and perfectly honest can't remember they're names) be invited. When it came to my dress again my mum wanted to buy my dress and was hoping I would get one in the sales for about £300 (I was hoping for this too) but I fell in love with a dress which is going to cost £1200 including alterations. I put a deposit on the dress, the same day I tried it on, and my mum went very quiet on me. It's the only dress that made me smile from ear to ear.

I'm trying to include my mum in things as much as possible but at the sametime it's my wedding which I only plan to do once.

She's coming around a bit so I'm trying to avoid the guest list conversation because I plan to invite her cousins to the evening do only. I don't want to upset her but it's really difficult to keep numbers under 80 as it is.

All I can suggest is continue to plan things as you want them, listen to her suggestions, but it's your choice at the end of the day