I think I've upset my MIL2B

I don't think your being bridezilla about it at all.

Nobody apart from my family are getting to see my dress. It's the way I've always wanted it. Is there another part that she could be involved in that would help make her feel more involved? My MIL2B is writing the invites for us x

Well she's making our wedding cake which IMO is a big thing. We are also having one of our wedding cars picking her up with my H2B, Bestman, Best 'Little' Man, and FIL2B.I personally can't see why she'd be upset about it. I don't dislike the woman. My OH has assured me not to get upset but I don't want people to think we aren't involving them!

I just kind of think that the only thing really that my mum can do is help me plan, pick my dress, and help me get ready on my wedding day. My mum is my best friend, and I feel a bit like she doesn't have a major part either.

When my son got married a couple of years ago my DiL went shopping with her Mum and Sister, I didnt know until afterwards, I didnt see it until the day and if I'm honest I felt hurt and a bit snubbed. Weddings are funny things, they bring out all sorts of emotions in people. She will get over it, I did xx

I suppose people all have different expectations, but when it comes down to it it's your decision to make. Having said that, if you have a good relationship with her it's worth preserving it. Tough choice!

I'm really close to my mum too and I wanted her involved as much as possible as my brother got married in secret last year and it totally devastated her. She cried for weeks about it (she still can't look at the photos 8 months later) but I can also see the point about not wanting to offend anyone either. It's tricky but I would stick your guns if that's what you want ? x

I kind of know how you feel as my MIL2B was abit funny with me regarding my dress but i stuck with what i wanted and that was only my mum and sister's were seeing it, she has now went very funny with me and takes very little to do with the wedding, which does at time's get to me but the way i look at it ,is its her loss as she'll never do it again.

hope you feel better chick x

Thanks ladies ?

My H2B has told me if I don't want to show anyone then to stick to my guns about it, and not show anyone. Obviously my CBM will see it too as she will be having her dress sessions at the same time as me.

This wedding malarky is beginning to stress me out and it's still a year away yet! ?

I am doing exactly the same i dont think your being bridezilla either she is just being silly xx

I'm the same aswell!! I dont think your a bridezilla, me and mum are so close and i feel like its her part in the wedding. only mum has seen my dress, noone else and they wont see me untill i walk down the isle (well except for my dad!) I think MIL2b should respect you for your choice. my mil2b hasnt even mentioned it, kinda tradition in my family though, only the mum gets to see the dress!!

Its you day, your way!!

P xx

Thanks for your kind words x

I know it sounds silly and a bit petty but I feel as though she doesn't like talking about the wedding in general anyway. We have pretty much booked everything now mainly by ourselves, but my mum and dad have had a lot of input/contribution towards it. I feel a bit sorry for my H2B that I feel this way but I just kind of feel as though they think I don't want them to be part of our day, and that I'm somehow taking their baby boy away from them.

Many it's just me being stupid. x

Babe, as I've already said, try not to worry about it!!! She hasnt shown much interest up until now so why should she have the right to see u in ur dress. Thats ur mums honour! Love u xxx

I know hun but it's just so frustrating I don't want to upset anyone...you know me. Love ya too x

I've shown my MIL2B a picture of the dress on a website as I wanted her to feel included and her daughter (my H2B's adult sister) is my only bridesmaid so she was dying to see what it was like. No one but my mum, dad, (my brother who wasn't remotely interested, although he is an usher) have seen the picture of me in the dress. I would stick to your guns though, it is your day, not hers and if your H2B supports you in that then she'll get over it. Maybe tell her that you want her to see the final effect on the day and it to be a surprise, there is something to be said for that!

You're not being a bridezilla at all. I'm keeping most things between me and my OH because I want to surprise everyone on the day. Explain that you want her to see you all made up with hair and make up or the full effect

I have shown my MIL everything, the same as my mum. I would hate for her to feel left out. IMO it's a bit selfish not to show her. What's the difference between your mum and your partners mum? They both have their children getting married. Therefore equal.

No I don't think your being unfair and certainly not a bridezilla.

Only me and mum will see my dress until the first dress fitting for me and the bridesmaids, where my sister and SIL will see it.

Thanks for all of your comments x

I wanted to go dress shopping with my mum, but unfortunately that didn't work out because we live in different places and couldn't organise it. So then I thought if I couldn't go with my mum I'd prefer to go alone and didn't say anything to MIL2b about it. But I knew she was a bit upset that she wasn't coming (even though she was trying not to show it) so I invited her along. Now she's seen the dress but I've kept shoes and jewellery quiet.

Even though I would have liked to keep it secret, I have come round to the idea of showing mil2b now She was pleased to be involved, and at the end of the day it's only one extra person who has seen the dress.

Nope your not being a bridezillia, onlly my BMs will see my dress before the wedding and only because they will need to know how to put me in it. But what about a comprimise?

If I have read your post correctly then you havn't made a final selection yet have you? WHat about arranging a day of dress shopping that your mil2b and your mum could both come on with you (that way they can get to know each other a bit before the wedding too), you can trry o dresses mil2b ca have some input (you don't have to take any of it on board if you don't want to) and then she should feel more included, and you've met her half way without her needing to know your final choice, and your get an extra dress shopping session!

Don't feel a bit bad! Give it a wee bit to sink in and she will understand. Shes had the "Mother of the bride" thing, which she's mixing up with the lesser involved "mother of the groom" one! I have a mother of the groom which seems a wee bit too interested in some things as well. I had a slight hissy fit one evening with her about her flower, which she asked me to cancel and organise her own! But i think she realises now that she needs a back seat and some things she aint got any control over!

I showed my MIL everything. She was my Hubands Mum after all and had no intention of telling him. She was excited about it all too.

I think that this is really sad - I wish with all my heart that R's mum was still alive, if she was I would show her everything and wouldnt waste a moments thought on keeping my dress "secret" from her. I think it is a bit ridiculous!

I'm not showing anyone not just her, and it's nothing personal it's just a thing I would like me and my mum to share. x

I would imagine she feels very left out - don't foget the age old saying " a boy is a boy until he finds a wife" she probably feels like she is loosing her son and is making the effort to try and be invloved in the day by wanting to be involved with you and your dress- what differnce would it make if you showed her a pic of your dress? SHe doesnt have to come to any fittings or anyhitng - just involve her and make her feel part of it.

I get married in about 11 weeks and I used to be secretive about my dress, now I will show anyone who asks!

That's the thing she hasn't mentioned it before. She is involved in the day, she's making our cake which we said we would like her to do, she's going in a wedding car on the day with H2B, and going to my H2B's first suit fitting.

I said I would show her a picture, but would like to keep seeing me in the dress 'under wraps' until the big day when I'm all made up with my hair, make up.

I would never take her son away from her and she knows that.

I know everyone is open to an opinion but I honestly don't think I'm being selfish at all. It's a mother daughter thing to do in my honest opinion. MOTB doesn't really have a big part in the day itself so I want to spend as much time doing personal thisng with my mum as possible. Obviously I don't expect everyone to agree as it would be a pretty boring world if we all thought the same thing.

You are showing someone, you're showing your mum. Even if it's just a pic out of a magazine, not of you, I think she deserves a look.

Neither does the mother of the groom.

Mrs_T2B - show her the picture, then tell her, honestly that you would like her to be surprised on the day when she sees you in it so that you will not be showing her any more pics - emphasise the importance of the fact that you would like her to share the excitement - as long as she sees a pic I think she will feel included.

Of course I know you are not "taking her son away" but all mothers feel the same when their son's get wed ! They cannot help it

I didn't say or imply you were selfish, I personally do think that it would be sad to exclude her from the dress, it is so hard to find the "middle ground" when it comes to weddings- how do you know when you have included her enough IYSWIM?

Anyway - I'll go back to my dark corner now!

Mrs Spink - My mother is my best friend so it's quite obvious I would want to spend time doing wedding mother/daughter things with her, and have things that are personal between us.

Sara - Thanks for your advice I really do appreciate it as I do everybody else ? I know you didn't imply I was selfish I just mean't as a whole I don't want people to think that I am being so, or that I'm pushing her out. I do wish for her to be involved as much as other people in our families, but like you say when is someone involved enough? It's a tough cookie.

Sincere apologies if I have come across a tad 'Bridezilla' ish or arrogant, it was not intended that way at all, and I hope I haven't offended anyone x

naaar - you are alright my dear, no offence taken here, take my brick wall and bang your head against it for a while, it works a treat ?

( I am a total hypocrite as I wont allow my future SIL to see anything, I am being a complete *** over it and I am well aware of it - and I don't care!!!! fnnnnar fnnar! She went to my bridal shop as she is also getting wed and she ACTUALLY ASKED to see my Dress and try it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont think so MOFO!

I have banged my head against plenty of brickwalls (not literally) over the weekend, I think if I do so anymore I will have no brain cells left!

That actually made me LOL 'I don't think so MOFO!' Classic! Thanks for brightening my afternoon ?

Sweetie, you are not being bridezillaish or arrogant at all! Theres a lot more history to the situation as we both know and she hasnt shown any interest up until now. You and ur mum are incredibly close as anyone who knows you can see so I completely agree with ur decision for it to just be u and ur mum. Its ur wedding, its ur decision! Do what makes YOU happy. As I have been tellin u all along haha. People are entitled to their opinions and if you didnt want them then obviously you wouldnt have asked it on here but they don't know the full story. You ARENT being selfish and I am behind you 1 million %! and so is ur husband2b so surely that tells u something!!! xxx