IABU - wedding abroad - update on1st pg

I don't think you are being unreasonable. If your SIL2B wants to share her day with family and friends then she should make it a little closer to home. Frankly, the other side of the world is bloody ridiculous IF (I emphasise that) she is expecting everyone to attend.

You are not being unreasonable.

Australia for 5 days, 2 young children, not to mention the cost..

As the B&G have decided to have their wedding on the other side of the world, surely they're to expect a few 'sorry can't make it'.

See, I think it's ridiculous to expect you to attend. My wedding was an hour's drive for most of my guests, and I wouldn't have thought the less of any of them if they'd said it was too far. Yes, of course it's their day, and they should do what will please them - but there shouldn't be any pressure on anyone to fork out that sort of time and money. So YANBU.

In answer to your other question, I've done Hong Kong for 7 days and that was fine, but that's the furthest/shortest I've done.

There is no way on God's green earth I would fly halfway across the world with 2 babies for 5 days. Let the family sulk.

Would talking to your SIL about it be an option? Is it just the parents that would object to you going? If so, I'd let them suck it up.

Could they not get married closer to home and then go on honeymoon to Australia instead?? If they've got no obvious connection to the country then I don't entirely understand why they want to drag the family all the way out there for a wedding?

I can't see how she can expect you to go. Personally I think that people often choose such far off / difficult to get to destinations because they don't want lots of people to go.

I frequently do long haul fo 1/2 days (thinking Jo'burg, Tokyo etc) but there is no way I would consider Australia - with 2 children - for that amount of time.

5 days?? The flight is at least 24 hours, isn't it, plus travelling to/from airports - you're looking at at least 2.5 - 3 of your days away travelling.

(I've never been to Australia so please correct me if I'm wrong)

So that gives you 2 of your 5 days there - surely it would take at least a day to get over the time difference? There is no way I would do it, even just me and my H, let alone with 2 children under two! Completely not worth the cost, which would be horrendous, I'm sure.

(Again, I've not been, and I'm pg with #1 so no idea about travelling with 2 children, so I could be completely wrong about all this!)

Not unreasonable in the slightest - and I'm married to a farmer so know all about the pains of people arranging stuff and us/him not being able to go - and that's just in this country!

<shaking head>Why are people so obsessesed with making their wedding 'different'...<shaking head>

I know I'm not a mother but WHHS with bells on. The jet lag would be an absolutely killer and I think the babies would suffer more than anyone. It's just not fair on them or you.

BiL decided to get married in NYC (like your sil, he hadn't even been there) last year and we're still paying for it now, it's quite scary really.

I would most certainly not be going. No way would i go that far for 5 day! It's crazy that she would expect guests to do that, especialy if there's no reason for her to pick this place.

I'm sure you're not going to be the only ones in the same situation

WSS!

Sorry but you're not being at all U to say no to that invitation. The cost alone would be sickening for such a short time and you'd almost spend more time in the air than you would in Oz. And I'd go as far as to say it would be cruel to your children to make them do such long flights so close together.

Let them eat cake sulk!

We are expected to attend - H has been put on the invitation as best man (even though they haven't actually asked him yet).

The most annoying thing is she is French so we were kinda of pleased that it was likely to be in France so no real travelling for us.

H's parents aren't too happy about the whole thing either, especially as H's dad can only take two weeks leave at a time due to his job and while not old, they aren't spring chickens either, so travelling is going to be pretty full on for them as well.

Ahh, I knew this wedding was going to be a nightmare - she is getting her dress designed on the basis of a picture she drew of it was she was 11. The invitation also has a "princess" theme....oh and they have asked for money - which is a bit rich given the amount we will have to fork out to go to the wedding.

It is wrong but I'm hoping that they get so many people saying they can't go that they will be forced to change the venue - problem is that we can't be the first ones to say we can't go IYSWIM. They have sent around 150 invitations but even so I expect that most will say no, won't they?

Having been to Oz 3 times, there is no way I'd even consider travelling there for 5 days.

I wouldn't choose to go to Australia for 2 weeks, never mind 5 days. It's far too far to travel in that time, and for the costs involved. Never mind the journey time for you all, especially with children.

My (soon to be ex) SIL took 42 hours to get back to Melbourne when she left last September. There was a delay in London, then en-route. She was knackered by the time she got there.

WEES! If her H was Australian and half the potential guests lived there, fine - but I'm guessing this isn't the case? I'd be telling her to take a running jump.

YANBU. I wouldn't go either for that length of time. Mental.

Let them sulk. I wouldn't be at all happy about spunking out THAT much cash for a 5 day "holiday".

If she offers to pay, then possibly ?

Does she have a connection to there? if not i d tell her i wasnt going, family or no. its ridiculous to expect family and friends to pay such an amount, and to commit such time to a wedding.

I totally sympathise. H's brother got married in Thailand in October, family from UK and US were 'expected' to attend and H was asked to be best man. We could only go for 5 days because we're teachers so they had to move the wedding day as it was to fit in with half-term. To be honest the jet-lag was fine, but you are going twice as far so I can only imagine how horrible it could be!

Poor you - and feel fee to vent on here - it really helped me.

Actually, VS, I think you'd be doing everyone a favour if you were the first to decline. She'd wake up pretty quickly if she realised that the would-be best man wasn't able to make it, and hopefully change her mind before others had RSVPed yes out of guilt.

Bl00dy hell, it would be an environmental disaster if they all agreed to go!

What a cheek to ask that many people to travel that far. I'd have no qualms in telling them that your family won't be attending or that only your H will come because you can't afford three (four?) airfairs.

150 invitations - I bet less that 10 people will be able to go.

She sounds like a right Bridezilla. Totally thoughtless and selfish too.

? to you

VS, I honestly think you need to not worry about saying you can't go. Your children will be all over the place doing that amount of travelling and time zone swapping in so few days, they won't have a clue what's going on and will probably be letting you know about it all through the day and night. I think you need to spell that out to the bride and groom.

If it were me, at a push, and it really would have to be the most enormous push, I might suggest my H goes. But even then I would be monumentally peed off about it. In fact, forget I said that, it's still a ridiculous idea.

Ridiculous. I wouldnt be going. I would say no, now and then i am sure others will follow suit

Normally I have no problem with people getting married where they want to, as long as they don't expect people to attend.

I have to echo everyone else though. There is no way I would go to Australia for five days. You would have to travel for 24 hours each way as well and I think it would be a bit much for you, let alone two little children. Also, it would cost a ridiculous amount to fly there just for that small amount of time.

I would contact the bride and groom and just explain that you would only be able to go for the five days and think it might be a bit much for both you and the children. I would then expect her to either reconsider the venue if she really wants you both there, or to suggest that maybe you don't go after all.

Eeeeek, no way in the world would I cart my one year old over to Oz for five days, let alone two babies! I've done the Oz journey twice and quite frankly I feel murderous at the end of it, and that was when I only had myself to consider!

That is absolutely, totally absurd. I am amazed you would even consider going. What sort of self absorbed people expect you to pay that much to go their wedding? I think you should make a stand

L
xx

What they both said, I wouldn't be going. We went to SIL wedding in NY when Sophia was 10 months but decided that was too far to drag her and left her with my parents.

I would apologise now and list the reasons you can't go with the children at the top of it. No one can argue that it would be good for them at their age.

Insanity! That would be our holiday for the next couple of years (at least) and not neccessarily somewhere I'd want to go!

She wants you to fly to Australia - a place that has no connection or meaning to her - for 5 days AND she wants cash as a wedding present?

I'd tell her to *** off and I mean that - I would use those exact words.

That does makes sense but honestly I think we would get some much aggro and be forever regarded as the ones who forced her to cancel her perfect wedding even if it did help others....mind you the more I think about having to go and the nightmare it would be I'm thinking she does need a bit of a reality check that the world doesn't revolve around her.....god we are going to have to say no or rather I'm going to get H to say no to her.

Good god, we're are scrimping and scraping to afford a week in a tent in France this year, if this was my family I actually couldn't go.

Absolutely outrageous, don't pander to it.

Can your H not just have a mano a mano chat to his brother, and let him then deal with her? Seriously, there is NO WAY you or anyone else should be railroaded into this, it's ridiculous.

When I got married, it made me really sad that lots of my friends and family from SA couldn't be there, but I just had to suck it up; the alternative was having the wedding there and lots of cuntface's F&F not being able to be there. But when neither person has a connection to a place...!! Words fail me.