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Beginner January 2009

If you don't want children there, how should you word it?

sarahv75, 2 January, 2010 at 20:31 Posted on Planning 0 25

I have a lot of friends with children, and they all add up to 29 kids and 70 adults. How can I word the invitations to say no children are invited, just family? There are a couple of friend's children that we won't mind being there if they can't get babysitters, but i'll just tell them that in person.

Don't get me wrong, I love children, in fact I have 2 of my own... I just don't want loads of them at my wedding!

25 replies

Latest activity by Hugo Brambles, 4 January, 2010 at 14:03
  • Shleby
    Beginner September 2010
    Shleby ·
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    You could say something like due to numbers unfortunatly we cant have children xx

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  • Gillsy
    Beginner April 2010
    Gillsy ·
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    Yeah, I agree - something like "due to restrictions, unfortunately we are unable to invite children...."

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    However, telling some that children ARE welcome if need be is a tricky one....

    I told a cousin of mine that her children couldnt come as it wouldnt be fair on the others and her inlaws had to come up from the lake district to babysit them. But a cousin had her kids at the ceremony as my mum had given then the job of removing our flowers from the church....I was told they would NOT be at the evening reception, for an hour or so max...and they were. All night. And they were a bit of a handful and no one bothered telling them off..... my cousin's never spoken to me since!

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  • aliaisp
    Beginner July 2010
    aliaisp ·
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    I think it's fine to say no children are allowed due to numbers, put it it at the bottom of the rsvp card or invite... but definitely have to make sure this applies to everyone because i would be quite offended if other kids were there when i had to arrange babysitters for my own! x

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  • Juicymelons
    Beginner May 2010
    Juicymelons ·
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    Hi

    I was going to have the same problem, with 25 children coming. It was meaning that due to numbers and budget some adults were going to have to be missed off the day list. I spoke personally all my friends and explained the issue, I also explained that some children will be there. I explained that my son (obviously !), the flower girls and also children whose parents were coming from abroad or having to travel considerable distance to attend the wedding will be coming. I made sure they knew it wasn't a snub to their children. Everyone was absolutely fine about it, there was no misunderstanding, they were all understanding about it.

    If you are inviting these people to your wedding then you must have a good/close relationship with them, then picking up the phone and explaining first hand rather than a line at the bottom of the invitation, would be a much more personal way of going about it and will avoid any resentment. I know I would appreciate it if I was in that situation.

    Good Luck !x

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  • Spring
    Beginner February 2008
    Spring ·
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    Just don't put the names on the invites?

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  • GeordieBarbie
    Beginner May 2010
    GeordieBarbie ·
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    That's what I did. And so far so good.

    Like has been said already, if you've invited them to your wedding then you're probably really good friends and if you can't chat to your mates and explain the situation, then who can you talk to?

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  • sidsidney
    Beginner
    sidsidney ·
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    We are not going to give a reason as such, just something like "Stuart and Susan have decided to restrict the attendance of children to those in the bridal party" as we have neices and nephews that have to come and will be flower girls/page boys. Now that Ive written it down it sounds a bit mean!! Oh well!

    I THINK that most of our friends with kids will want to leave them at home anyway and get babysitters!

    Sid xx

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  • Juicymelons
    Beginner May 2010
    Juicymelons ·
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    Hasn't someone on here just had a last minute panic as she didn't put the childrens names on the invites and some parents presumed that the children were invited anyway ?

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  • Spring
    Beginner February 2008
    Spring ·
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    Don't know but is that just one horror story you have heard? What my friend did was not mention not having children there on the invites, only wrote the names of the people invited on them and then on the RSVP wrote ' x 2 ' on there (if there was 2 names on the invite, if that makes sense). If they don't get it from that then you shouldn't be invited because they would be a bit simple ?

    If you don't mind saying 'No Children' then just say it but i would find it a bit weird if i turned up and there were other Children there (not including yours of course).

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  • Juicymelons
    Beginner May 2010
    Juicymelons ·
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    LOL !! That would be a fab way of deciding the guest list, base it on brain cells !!

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  • Spring
    Beginner February 2008
    Spring ·
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    ?

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  • S
    Beginner November 2010
    Sergzy ·
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    We have lots of friends with children, and don't want children in the ceremony. We are planning to have a creche set up (with some work colleagues looking after them who work in a school, so all CRB checked etc.) so the children can be in there. It's kind of a half-way house!

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  • missdeedee
    Beginner April 2010
    missdeedee ·
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    Hi Sarah,

    We're not having kids at the ceremony either but are happy for them to join us at night and have put on our invites -

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    Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

    Unfortunately due to number restrictions, we are unable to invite children to the ceremony, however if (kids names) would like to join us for the evening reception from 7:30pm they'd be very welcome.

    If you are just having kids from the wedding party you could put -

    Unfortunately due to number restrictions, we are only able to invite children of the wedding party to the ceremony.

    And if you don't mind them being there at night then you can add that on if you want.

    I know people who haven't put the kids names on the invites (and especially if the kids are really little) the parents have still brought them. It happened to HugoBramble a couple of weeks ago too, that someone assumed their little one was invited when their name wasn't on the invite.

    I've also mentioned to all the parents that are coming during the day that we're not having kids during the day and they were all fine about it, I just want to put in on the invites (only to the guests with kids) just incase some one's forgotten and turns up with their kids!

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  • debs1701
    Beginner
    debs1701 ·
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    When is your big day?...tell everyone from day one that there won't be any kids, that's what I done and everyone seemed happy enough, they were actually glad that they cpuld get a night out to enjoy themselves ?

    The problem I have now, after telling everyone exactly that, is that I have to invite some children now ☹️, h2b's 2 grand-daughters and a friends daughter because her son won't go but at least there won't be loads of kids running around ?

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  • Mel B
    Beginner
    Mel B ·
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    I have rung my cousins and friends to explain that we didn't want children there due to budget. HOw ever we do have oh's neices and nephew coming as well as my neices and nephew as they are immediate family but I didn't tell cousins and friends that. It turns out my best friend has just had a baby and he will be 8 months old by the time the wedding comes and she is bringing him to the ceremony but her sister is going to take him home and look after him during the evening do.

    If you explain to people instead of just adding it to an invite they have time to arrange childcare and I also think it's good manners to warn them berforehand. I wouldn't leave it to just invites to tlet them know.

    x

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  • Steelgoddess
    Beginner June 2010
    Steelgoddess ·
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    I think what iss dee dee put is worded really nicely...

    xxx

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  • missdeedee
    Beginner April 2010
    missdeedee ·
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    ? Thanks Steelgoddess

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  • S
    Beginner January 2009
    sarahv75 ·
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    Thanks for all the advice. I've already mentioned to a few friends and they seemed fine with it. Think i'll speak to them all personally and say that due to numbers, only children in the family will be invited. That is actually true - we're cutting it fine with 70 adult guests anyway!! A lot of the children are pre-school age so I would imagine that the parents would want to leave them at home anyway! That's what we did when my first son was 18 months old. When we arrived at the wedding without him, the bride and groom were actually disappointed we didn't bring him!

    Wedding is on 22nd May (hopefully, need to confirm tomorrow) so I'd better get my skates on I guess!

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  • Peter
    Peter ·
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    Looking at this from a different direction, and not wanting you to upset any of your relatives and friends....is there any way that the children could be incorporated in the wedding day although kept apart.....

    I have seen this done many times before. The children have a separate room with their own menus, magicians, games and other fun...naturally mum or dad can drop in to check them out occasionally, although it does lighten the load on the main function.....

    Peter

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    ''Please leave yer brats at home.''

    no? wouldnt work??

    ah ok then ;-P

    xx

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  • B
    Beginner July 2010
    brideseekingblush ·
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    You see - and no offence to Peter - I just don't get this. Maybe it's being childless but I think it's a blooming cheek to expect people to shell out to entertain your kids! Some venues only have one space, and if they don't, it means more hassle - e.g. a separate entertainer to book, presumably some sort of childminder etc.

    I thought Miss DeeDee's wording was good, but I also think it's worth speaking to each couple as well if you can - that's what we plan to do.

    I definitely wouldn't just rely on not putting their names on the RSVP, as when the thread came up from Hugo Brambles I think a number of the people with children said they'd just presume that their kids would be invited.

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  • S
    Beginner January 2009
    sarahv75 ·
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    Peter's idea does sound like a good way of keeping the children entertained and not bored, but we're on a budget so can't do this. Also, as most of them will be 3 years and under (including my 2 boys), they might not want to be left on their own, which could create more hassle than it's worth. Would be a great idea for school age kids though!

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  • Keelz
    Beginner
    Keelz ·
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    We are not having any children thereduring the day (apart from the ones involved in the wedding) but children are welcome to our evening do so we have just put at the bottom of our invitations:

    Children are welcome to the Evening Reception only.

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  • Hugo Brambles
    Beginner August 2002
    Hugo Brambles ·
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    You don't want kids there and how should you word it??? In great big bold letters on the invitations ? As the others have said I didn't include childrens names on the invites and some parents think nothing of bringing their kids anyway!!

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