Everything is such a mess.
My partner and I have always been quite open. If we want to sleep with someone else, then it's permitted as long as it's not in our flat. That's the rule.
He even knows I'm somewhat Polyamorous (for those who don't know, it's having feelings for more than one person at a time). He's not, but he understands I am.
I was very honest with him and told him that I still have feelings for my friend of 13 years. He accepted this and asked if I was going to leave him. I said not at all, but that I wanted him to know. He said he was fine with this.
Since then, he's acted like this guy doesn't exist. I'm going to call this guy "Tom" for the stories sake. They are not friends, and they are not in contact, but if I spend time with my friends (with Tom present) I will get home to have OH systematically ask how everyone is, except Tom. I find it so immature and insulting. I've told him that acting like he doesn't exist and giving me silent treatments when he's in moods does not work with me. If he wants me to understand something he's going to have to TALK to me. He ignored this request and carried on acting like a child.
I know, I know. He's upset and has cold feet about Tom. I get that, and I completely understand but am I wrong for thinking that he's being a brat? I was totally honest and open with him about it all from the start and HE said he was fine. I asked him time and time, and time again and he convinced me he was fine ...now suddenly he's not and he's making me feel like an *** for it.
I can see why you might think I'm being selfish because I recognise he's hurt but he convinced me he was fine with it, and suddenly I'm doing something wrong? When I made EXTRA, COMPLETELY DAMN CERTAIN he was fine?
Either way, last night we sat and talked. Some things happened at the beginning of our relationship which I can't talk about but suffice to say was serious. He denied what had happened. I told him that I always gave people second chances, but never a third so he might as well tell me. He denied it. I had no option but to accept it really but I've brought it up several times over the last 3 years and each time the answer has been the same "nope, didn't do it".
The same thing happened a few months later. I pulled him up on it. He admitted to the second time.
I stayed with him because I figured that because I never had proof of anything the first time, that I never gave him that second chance.
However, last night I told him that I was sick of him never speaking to me about anything and bottling it up. That he was acting like a child over this Tom thing and I would have reacted a lot more supportive if he hadn't acted like such a *** about it. This isn't about the fact I love Tom, it's the fact that OH was deliberately belittling his existence. I may love Tom, but he's been a good, close friend for 13 years and I do not take people being bastards to my friends lightly.
Either way, I brought up the two times he lied and told him that although he admitted to the second time it didn't erase the first and I personally felt he was still full of ***.
He admitted he lied the first time too.
He knows how much I value honesty, even if it hurts. As you can tell from the above I've been totally honest with him about everything, right from the beginning. I have never lied to him. I told him the thing I held highest was trust and if he wasn't honest with me it would ruin my relationship with him.
He broke that trust.
I have no idea what to do.
My mother is paying for my wedding. It's about £10-12k in total.
I have an OH who I loved dearly until he completely shattered my trust in him.
On the other hand, I have a friend of 13 years who I've been in love with but never made a move on. I can tell he feels the same way about me but we've never admitted it to each other. We share everything as close friends. I told him about everything that happened to me as a child, and he's told me about his life. Things he's never told anyone else.
...If OH and I split, I wont be getting with Tom. I'll want to be single and on my own, but it does kind of feel like I'm marrying the wrong person.
My OH is not the person I thought he was.
He lied about being ok with it, he lied about lying to me, he lied about everything. In many ways OH is a wonderful man, and a perfect partner ...but I'm not sure I can learn to trust him again.
I'm 6 months away from my wedding.
Sorry, I needed the rant. If you want to judge me; fine. There's not a lot I can say if you do.
