Hi guys,
You've all been so great when I've asked for help and guidance in the past, so I thought I lay this heavy one on you lot! I'll start from the beginning..
Originally we wanted to elope abroad, then decided we wanted our parents to be there. Having decided on this H2B says that he would really lovely his maternal side of the family (we'll call this side A) to be there if they could, so with that in mind we invited both his maternal family and paternal family (we'll call them B), but no plus ones unless we were also close to the partner or they were cohabiting/married/engaged/parents. We totally understood that this may mean that some people wouldn't want to travel abroad, and were prepared for it.
Aside from the above partners (married,cohabiting etc..) there were only two people's partners that were not invited to the wedding: One was a young cousin's boyfriend from side A, who we didn't know very well to talk to, and who was not close to us in any way. The other was a young cousin on Side B's girlfriend, who we'd met once, briefly, between us.
The first we heard of any issues was when Aunt from side A approaches us at a party and says 'I assume X will just have to pay for his own dinner in Italy..' to which we were pretty shocked- our wedding isn't a ticketed event where you can pay for entry- there are only 20 people going! So we politely responded no, but he would of course be invited to the UK reception, she replies saying that's fine and what she expected...
The next day H2B gets a call from cousin A saying she's not coming to the wedding because her boyfriend isn't invited, and that's that. Okay, fine, we understand, completely reasonable and thanks for letting us know. A couple of weeks later however I come home to the phone ringing and it's H2B's mother telling me that her whole side of that family are now not coming to Italy because the boyfriend isn't invited. Okay, fine, very sad and wished they'd talked to us directly but no issue there, their decision.
Over the following months every single time H2B's mother or brother sees that side of the family, they come back to us and say that Aunt A has been saying things about our wedding, still talking about the boyfriend not invited, 'wished they'd never been invited' etc.. all pretty hurtful but we'll get over it, life's too short.
Next on the agenda is excluding H2B and I from every event that side of the family organise, including nights out etc, all of which H2B's brother attends. Again, pretty upsetting but hey ho.
SO today, after months of this behaviour, H2B's mum texts him saying Aunt A is too scared to talk to him, but could his band play at his Uncle's birthday party next week? NO WORDS!!! We are the least scary people and have never ever caused a fuss or made an issue over this behaviour. Is it just me or is this a little out of order?
At the end of my tether and no idea what to do, it's his family not mine, but I can't help feeling hurt, and ostracized by a family I was supposed to be joining. I am supposed to be attending this birthday party next week (the first event we've been included in since Christmas) knowing what they've said/done to us for the last 6 months, and that we are very much unwelcome. 
N.B we didn't invite boyfriend to the wedding, but we haven't banned him from Rome.. the photographer is bringing his girlfriend and she's having a chill day by the pool on the day of the wedding, and the girlfriend of cousin B is considering doing the same, no hassle, so they get to spend their holiday together.
