Invite gift wording

Don't say anything. Most people will get you money, some people will get you nice little thoughtful gifts. I would never go empty handed if there was nothing mentioned, but if you'd specifically said NO GIFTS I might be more inclined to not get you anything!

Asking for money is rude, you're right. You'll honestly find that's what most people will give you because it's easier for them.

At the end of the day, you can't stop people buying you gifts, it's their prerogative. But you can include some wording if you wish. We said something like Presents - all we ask as that you can join us to celebrate our day. We really don't expect presents.

You could then add - but if you really would like to give a gift, we would be grateful for a small amount of money to put it towards our honeymoon.

Some people really balk at this kind of thing in verse. Personally, unless you have the skill to be able to put it in verse that makes it truly personal, I wouldn't, which is why we didn't

If I received an invitation saying "No gifts", I would comply, but make a donation to charity or something.

I don't like seeing any requests for gifts in invitations, whether physical or monetary. It is acceptable to indicate preference when a guest contacts you to enquire about gifts.

We didn't ask for anything, we received mostly money.

It's such a tricky one! We're in the same position in that we've lived together for 6 yrs and don't really need the traditional home start-up gifts. We've said from the beginning, when asked, that we don't want gifts, especially as my family are travelling to get to the wedding and paying out for hotels. But several people have said that it's pointless saying that as people want to buy things and if I'm honest, if I was invited to a wedding and was told 'no gifts' I'd probably still get a voucher for somewhere/something special as I wouldn't feel right turning up empty handed...

We also feel uncomfortable asking for money as we probably won't be going on honeymoon straight after the wedding due to work commitments so we'll have time to save for our own spending money.

When we actually sat down together and discussed it, although we don't 'need' anything for our home, there are things we would really like but wouldn't just go and buy on a regular shopping trip, for example I'd love a kitchen aid mixer, OH would love a new surround sound system but these things are expensive and not needed- just coveted! So I think we've decided to either set up a John Lewis gift list or just ask for vouchers from there so we may be able to get things like this.

If you guys put your mind to it, could you come up with special things you'd really like but wouldn't necessarily just go out and buy?

ETA: we won't be putting any of this in the actual invites, but if people ask then we can let them know that JL would be the place to go! I'm not a fan of gift information in with the invites. Just a personal choice for me though!

I've been to 10 weddings in the last few years and none of them didn't include information about gifts so I think it's perfectly normally these days. If I had one with nothing in I'd probably just give money but would prefer the bride and groom to just tell me what they want.

We put: "as frequent wedding guests ourselves we understand how expensive it can be attending weddings and so do not expect gifts. However if you would prefer to give a gift then money towards our honeymoon would be much appreciated, alternatively if you would like to purchase a gift please speak to us.

Most people have called or text andasked where we are going on honeymoon and when we have said, we don't know because every penny of our savings has gone to the wedding they have usually been more than happy to give money. A few people have said they want to buy us things and we have had a small list of 'wants' set aside for them- after explaining profusely that we really really don't need anything!

If you are adamant your don't want to ask for gifts you could just not put anything on the invite but people will call and ask you about it.

I will not be making any mention to gifts or money on the invites, i really don't feel right asking. We're thinking if we get money, we would put it towards some nice treats we've wanted but never bought such as nice luggage and a digital camera. Then its still going towards our honeymoon use. I am worried what our banks currently look like let alone in a years time, so any more would be a massive gratefully received gift.

In all weddings been to recently most have had the cringy poem asking for money, which we've given. But one wedding was left blank like mine will be and we still turned up with cash, and i think others did too.

The past few weddings I have been to there has been a little poem in the invitation which is basically saying we would prefer cash to presents (in a much politer way)! Quite a lot of people live together before getting married these days so have all the essentials.

I really like this one ...

"We’ve lived together for quite a while,
With all our pots and pans,
And as we don’t need homely gifts,
We have another plan!
We know it’s not traditional,
But it’s easier that’s for sure,
To have no wedding list at all,
Your attendance means much more!
For those of you who do insist,
We have a savings pot,
A small gift to add to this,
Would really mean a lot!"

My friend got married a couple of years ago and when they booked their honeymoon they set up a website that guests could go on to and contribute to their experience. They made a list of a lot of days out, activities they would be pleased to take part in and obviously didn't expect everything! You could pay a fraction of their flight cost, book them a horse ride, scuba diving, romantic meal for 2 on another island etc... It actually worked out really well for them and they were overwhelmed at people's generosity!! (Can also contribute anonymously!)

I agree with the poem thing .. there are some nice ones that are not so cringey but the most recent wedding I went to there was no mention of gifts in their invite ... and they received rather a large amount of cash in envelopes! I think it is kind of the done thing nowadays!

I have just realised my 2 comments probably look like they both make no sense ... I haven't been feeling great recently but didn't realise I have probably become a bit mad! They both make half sense to me!!

Poems are gross. End of.

I used to like the poems, until i joined hitched and started planning - now i hate them! we didn't want a gift list, and in fact didn't want to put anything in our invites at all but in the end i got sick of trying to explain that to my invite lady and we had a note saying something like - please do not feel obliged to buy us a gift, we just want you to share our day. We still got a few gits, vouchers and a hell of a lot of money that we just weren't expecting!!

I think if people want to get you a gift they will (like my guests) but if you are uncomfortable asking (like we were - i've always been raised not to ask for things but that's just me) then i would leave it out

x

I like money poems. They're a bit over done now though.

We decided not to mention gifts at all. The poems weren't us at all and we didn't want to say no gifts as if guest want to get you something, they will do it without really being asked. Most people give money now anyway.

Your friends and family will know you have lived together,so it's unlikely that you will be inundated with toasters!

x

We just put this at the bottom of our information sheet...

Now for the awkward bit....

• We do not expect presents from our guests however should you wish to gift us something, money towards our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated – but please do not feel obliged as your attendance is the most important thing to us.

I must have re-worded this about 6 times - Whatever you do its always going to offend someone

I think most people include some mention of gifts now adays. We are putting on ours, 'if you wish to give us a gift to help us on our way, a gift of money towards our dream home will really make our day'. My dad hated it & thought it was rude. So taken it off half of the invites (the ones that will be going out to his side of the family). A friend of mine got Married, didnt mention anything about gifts or money & ended up with about 20 photo frames. If you dont mind getting gifts, i wouldnt mention it on the invites at all x

We are in a similar position. There are a few household bits we need but would prefer honeymoon cash. So we set up a prezola gift list. You can add any item from any website and can also set up a honeymoon gift list. We are planning on doing a 4 week road trip around usa and so have put things like 1 day car hire x 28, nights at various hotels, meals out, theme park tickets etc (we bought are buying our own flights) at various price points so people feel they are getting us part of our experience rather than just giving cash (although you just get the money from prezola in cash to spend as you wish as most peole will have to book their honeymoon before they get the cash and so you can jusf reimburse yourself. The gift list part is free and the honeymoon bit was around £30.

We wont be mentioning gifts or money. All of our guests know us, amd know we dont need toasters or towels.

I hate gift-lists. I would much rather a spontaneous present with a bit of thought behind it than to me what resembles a 10 year old manically circuling toys in the argos catalogue at Xmas.

If people dont know what to get us, then they will find it easier to give cash. If they dont want to give anything at all - thats cool too.

So what if we end up with his and hers dressing gowns or a chutney making set(!), we will be happy either way!! I guess we like the not knowing what we could end up with. Its more exciting!!

Initially our plan was just to not mention it, and hope people would get the hint. But then we realised that if even a handful of people bought us something that was 'just a bit of something' it could really cause problems as we travelled for our wedding and would have to carry the gifts home with our (already quite tight) baggage allowances. Finding a way to insist on no gifts without being rude was as much of minefield as trying to tactfully ask for something.

In the end we were quite blunt and said something along the lines of: As you know, we are travelling some distance to share our wedding day with you, please don't buy us gifts as our luggage limit is tight and we won't be able to carry them home. After being overseas your company on the day is the only gift we ask for. For anyone who feels strongly about giving a gift please make a donation to charity in our name, or give us cash which we will donate to causes close to our hearts.

I think that whatever you want, there is a way to ask for it that is respectful to your guests. However you may have to accept that some people will just want to give you something, because that's what they think is the right thing to do. In spite of our request and explaining the reasoning behind it we were given a set of 6 wine glasses and, gift vouchers for M&S and John Lewis stores (but not e-vouchers, so we can't use them online).

I've seen a few posts, where you can set up a website online for guests to "buy" you special things for your honeymoon, things such as X amount for a glass of champagne each on our first night on our honeymoon, or towards a day trip, an over night stay somewhere.

I think this is what I would do as then people at least know that their money is going towards something rather than just giving you cash.

Thank you all for your responses, had given me something to think about.

think we will just leave it and see what happens, hopefully most people with know someone close enough to us to ask what we would like rather than risk buying something.

We are having a John lewis gift list as we are moving into our new home straight after we get back from honeymoon. so we really dont have anything really!

We have been sent Gift list card from John lewis so we were just going to pop them into the invitation for people - we were not going to mention it in the actual invitation though - do you think its needed to be mentioned or is a gift list card enough?

My partner and I have both been married before and had separate homes for a long while before moving in together 3 years ago. We get married in a couple of weeks. We didn't want gifts. Both our fathers are dead, mine died of a heart attack when he was in his 50s and my OHs died of cancer a few years back. We sent out a letter out with our invites asking guests to make a donation to our 2 chosen charities, cancer research and British heart foundation. We asked them to send cheques to us so we could divide equally. However most charities have a way of setting up donations direct to them via their websites.
Loads of people have sent us cheques with the replies to the invites and we expect more with cards on the day. Everyone said they thought it was a fab idea. We have had thank you cards printed with room to write in the amount raised so guests will know their donations have gone to a good cause
Just an idea if you really don't want gifts and people can donate as much as they like. I am sure you could come up with a charity or two that means something to both families

Hello,

This article might help you out...there are 10 poems to read through, all about how to ask for money instead of gifts.

/wedding-planning/invite-wording-and-etiquette/poems-how-to-ask-for-money-instead-of-gifts

Hope it helps...

Fran

In what way are twee poems more polite than a simple prose request?

We're lucky. OH is Chinese, so we're going to put the usual stuff about only wanting people to attend, then put a bit at the end about how if people feel they have to give us something, we would appreciate money in red envelopes, in honour of his culture.

We didn't mention it in the invitations at all. We have set up a Honeyfund site but are only giving the address for that out to people who specifically ask us about gifts.