Invite woes

Hi and welcome!!

congrats on your wedding.

We have said on our invites. We are sorry we are only able to accommodate children in the bridal party and immediate family. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

We have also said that Children and partners (who we aren't inviting to the church) are welcome in the evening.

I have some small cousins and we have two flower girls so we can't have no kids at all but due to numbers we can't have them at the ceremony and wedding breakfast. I think if it wasn't for those few then we wouldn't have any at all.

I also think if you give people enough notice and word it politely then the should understand. :-)

Thank you for your reply I really like the way you have worded your invites. We are not having children in the wedding party at all so that might make it a little easier.

Welcome and congratulations.

We are not having children at the day unless we are related to them, this is due to having so many friends with children that we would push out so many people we want to invite.

We titled our invites to people who were invited only (may also help if people think they can bring someone, trust me, it happens)

When people asked if their children were invited we said sadly not, but a lot of parents have been happy about it because it means they get a night out.

Only immediate related children were invited to ours. Those where the children weren't invited, the invite was only addressed to the parents. I've not had anyone bring any issues up with this yet!

P.s. Hello! ?

Lol Hi

Thank you all so much for your thoughts! I think I am overthinking this too much I just really want to avoid upset where I can

Hi,

Quite a lot of our friends have kids now, I'm closer to my friends kids than OH's friends kids but we decided to only have the kids in our family there there's only 5 of them). We will just be addressing the invites to the adults and if they happen to ask we'll say it's only family kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My best friends were delighted at the thought of a day's peace to relax with their OHs and have a good drink to be honest! xx

Welcome. There have been many posts on here about inviting children and it can become a controversial topic!

I personally had none at all, even in the bridal party. That was easier than hand picking which could/couldnt come. I have no kids & wanted an adults only event. Many of those with kids said it was a nice change to go to an adult event too, without either chasing their own kids, or listening to others screaming and crying.

Another reason i didn't have kids, was that our venue charged quite alot for them, even though they'd get a much smaller meal and no alcohol. If I'd invited everyones kids, I'd have missed out inviting over 10 friends/family, something I wasn'tprepared to do.

Check your budget, find out what they charge for kids meals, discuss with OH, then decide. Something a blanket decision either way is easier to deal with/explain than hand picking some kids and not others.

We're not having children apart from my two nieces and nephew. We've not said anything on the invites re no children but spoke individually to our friends with children in advance. Everyone has been great about it. Even the best man won't be bringing his new baby. They're happy to have a few hours of them time!

Hi,

We are having one flower girl but no other children during the day but we are telling everyone that children are very welcome for the evening reception.

Hello

I don't think you need to worry too much. Children free weddings seem to be a growing trend, and as others have said i think most parents will be glad to let their hair down and have a good time! They should have plenty of time to arrange childcare for the day. So long as you're polite about it I don't see why anyone be offended. We will only be inviting 4 children to ours and that's only because they are close family. However I'm not sure if they will even be able to go, as our wedding is at 2pm on a weekday. I don't know if the schools will allow the children to take time off their lessons?!

We have only just booked our venue but we are already debating the children issue!

At the moment we have seven children who are close friend's children, which I was okay with. Lots of our friends are married and trying for children so we are worried that there will be lots more! So, we were considering just having my bridesmaids two kids and the best man's two kids (two are aged two and two are five) as flower girls and page boys.

Upon speaking with our venue, if you have children between the ages of 2-12 then you must employ a qualified nanny as there is a large open lake and woods at the venue. But, they have stated they will allow the two two year olds and the two five year olds without a nanny being present. Anymore than that and we will have to employ one. So, that decided it for us!

I am hoping that no one will be too offended and they will have lots of notice (save the dates will be going out a year in advance) so they'll be able to get baby sitters.

My bridesmaid said she'd rather leave them with her parents for the day but they are invited! X

We had an invitation a while back for a wedding that basically said because of numbers only close family children were invited (but probably out a bit nicer than that!). That's fine and completely understandable.

Just please understand if people can't make it because you haven't invited their children. Sometimes it's just not possible to get a babysitter despite having time to arrange one (I speak from experience).

We only had children who were immediate family at first it wasn't popular but people got used to it or didn't come! I learnt you can't please everyone all the time someone will comment or say something harsh regardless you just have to stick to your guns and hold your nerve!

I had a friend comment 6 weeks after the wedding I thought you weren't having children - she sounded quite annoyed - she doesn't have any kids so not sure why she was annoyed at this - simply explained it was family only which was the case!

If you google this it can be a contentious issue but I think you have to do what's right for you. Lots of my friends have children and it meant it was 20 people we wouldn't be able to invite. So we decided only to invite children that were in the bridal party and accepted the fact it may mean people may not come if they can't find childcare. x

From a guest perspective, I have a son but one of the last weddings I went to he wasn't invited, although there were other children there. It didn't bother me a jot! Personally I don't get why people are so desperate to want to bring their children to weddings; it's not really a day aimed at children IMO. I have only ever taken my son to one wedding but that's because we had to travel for a long weekend. I would much rather have a day off to enjoy it. Maybe I'll feel differently when he's a bit older (he's 4).

We individually spoke to all our friends with children and mentioned in passing we were thinking of having no children, unless of course it was an issue in which case it would be fine as we selfishly wanted all our friends to enjoy our day, not have to worry about running after their kids. None of our friends are bringing their children as they are looking at it as a weekend away! Even our friends who got a little bit funny about it have decided to leave their little boy with her family and enjoy a weekend to themselves.

I didn't put anything on the invitations at all, it was purely through casual conversation.

The only people that had an issue were H2Bs parent who went crazy!! His dad got really angry and said we can't ban kids (even though we weren't!) and it's family etc etc. Anyway, even some of his family (who we haven't said anything to!) aren't bringing their children. We will only have around 8 kids at the wedding and they range from 18 months to 10yrs!

We only had two children attend - Mr Ash's niece and nephew. We didn't exclude kids, but most people left their kids at home so they could enjoy the day.

Thank you all so much for your comments. We have the similar problem with our venue in that they don't offer "childrens" meals as such so it would mean having to look very closely at the budget to see if we could afford it

I spoke to my sister last night (my only BM) and she has echoed many of the thoughts here mainly the one on how people may really enjoy an adult only wedding

OH back from working away tonight so we will get a chat and see what he thinks too

Thank you again

We decided to have no children except for H2B's 2 baby brothers so we sent our invitations to the adults and on the bottom of the invitation we wrote "Due to venue restrictions we are only able to accomodate children of the immediate family. We hope you enjoy having the day/evening off".

We havent heard of anyone complaining about it, nor has anyone added their children onto their RSVPS

x

We're having no kids at all but have arranged a babysitter and a room at our venue in case anyone needs to bring them. But there will be no kids at the ceremony or reception at all.

I spoke with one of my bridesmaid's about this on Monday and she was fine with it. Her son's dad has him at the weekends anyway and she said that he would be bored as he will be 9 then and the oldest other kids would be five!

I think that we will definitely speak to our friends with children beforehand and hopefully they won't be offended!

X

My H2B and I went to a wedding last year and the children there shouted throughout the entire ceremony and the speeches. We just looked at each other and said at exactly the same time "we will not be having children at our wedding." It's as simple as that and, honestly, if people are offended by it then I think that is very unreasonable of them.

We want to have a very intimate, very grown up, adults only wedding. I worked it out and if we were inviting children it would add an extra 15 guests and we simply do not have the space. People can get baby sitters, family members can look after their children. It's not that much to ask.

I was worried about telling our guests with children but actually a few of them said "thank god, we'll have such a great time without them for the day!".

You can do whatever you want on your big day. But you are more likely to upset people if you invite some children and not others xxx

We are having a child free wedding ceremony and breakfast, but welcoming children in the evening.

Most of this is cost related (I pay for children at the breakfast but do not have to pay for under 12's at the evening buffet!) but also because we have no children and want the attention to be on us if I am honest!

I have a friend who wouldn't dream of going anywhere without her children. Thats fine - she is invited to the evening do.

We have 2 couples with children who are invited all day - they are leaving their children at home (7 children between the two couples would cost us around an extra £150 in the day!)

We stated to them they could come all day, child free but if they wanted to brink children then they would be welcome to the evening. We explained it was mainly due to cost/numbers we were allowed. As we explained as we gave them their invite they were okay with it and knew their choices.

I think as long as you are up front and honest with people, it should be ok