Inviting more?

I wouldn't invite anymore than that but I want a really intimate wedding, I don't like big crowds and didn't like the thought of having to spend the whole night going round everyone chatting, wanted to just dance the night away with our closest friends and family haha.

Why don't you try and get an idea of numbers first, give a sooner rsvp deadline than planned to give enough notice to others you could invite in their place?

I'd stick with the original numbers if it were me but as I say it's personal choice for me, if you want as many guests as you can get then i'd just replace people as you go along if possible?

Hi,

I think you have to be prepared for all to say yes and have a reserve list of people who wouldn't mind being asked as a second option. The reason I say this is because I thought the same thing as you until I spoke to a friend who said they invited 130 people and only 4 replied with a 'no'. If you have too many then it can be really tough to say no to people who have already been invited. Which would you prefer?

Cat

I've managed this by not including plus ones in the original count, but I put a personalised handwritten note in each of the invitations where a known plus one wasn't invited saying that we would love them to bring their partners and would let them know if numbers allow.

Our rule is married couples come as a pair, unmarried couples come as singles unless a space opens up through someone else declining the invite. It does feel a bit harsh but luckily for me it's been used as the 'rule' at family weddings for the last 10 years so everyone expects in by now.

Ooh this is harsh. I've got unmarried couple friends who've been together much longer than marrieds. If it's the known rule tho I guess it saves some issues. I couldn't use marital status as a measure. If ppl are living together and they're both our friends/family they'll be invited. I don't thin we're not inviting any other halves actually. I would not invite if I thought it necessary though, But it is difficult getting the list right.

We've got far more names than our after wedding party room allows so we've got to cull it quite harshly. Because we're getting married away and have the after wedding party 10 days later we know some of our family won't come to the second party. But we're taking a gamble then on who we invite to see who comes. Then we have to pray for good weather so people can spread outside, plus there's a second bar area people can go. Could be interesting. I think we'll phase the invites. Family first as I think they'll be the main group who don't come due to distance. Then we'll invite close friends and our neighbours who we know will come. Then we'll see how much wider we can cast the net.

Pammy, I agree, it is harsh, but with 24 adult cousins on my mums side of the family alone, plus my dads side and my OH's side the guest list would soon become unmanageable if we didn't draw the line somewhere and that's where we've chosen to draw it in our case. To be clear, we only have the 'rule' for family, for non-family we're a bit more flexible obviously if both halves of the couple are our friends then they'd both be invited whether or not they are married, and if not we are taking into account how established the relationship is (ie du they 'come as a pair').

It was just an example for the OP of how you can reduce gust lists without too much hassle.

Thanks for that clarification. Makes more sense now it is a tough task and yes you do have to draw the line. And I think your second post outlines it better that you can set a rule but that you flex it. It's the flexibility that's key I think x

My evening limit is 120 also, but I was thinking of adding more. Maybe I won't now :-/

I'm having a similar issue. We finalised our guest list when we sat down to do the invites and realised we are 8 - 10 people over what we're allowed. I now don't know whether to hold back invites or to send the whole bleeding lot out and hope enough people say no!! It has meant I can't have family children to the ceremony and wedding breakfast too, only to the reception, but we want kids there.

x

I have sent an open evening invite out at work, risky as i work with 70+ people but know that most wont make the effort and the ones that do matter most... however so far we have had 9 rsvp to say yes and counting, it's left open to rsvp until the day as we are catering for 150, so know there will be enough food. Cant remember if there was a max number now on eve guests should probably check haha!!! We are at around 105 so far with four weeks to go! x

We have invited extra guests to the evening as although people say they are coming usually quite a few don't turn up plus a few of our older guests won't stay very late. We are having a buffet for the evening reception so it make no odds really if people come or not and we get married in June so some people will sit outside anyway. 50 people didn't show up to my sisters evening party at her wedding last year!

I think sometimes guests think its "only" an evening invite and they will RSVP yes but then not turn up on the day especially if they have a long way to travel.