Is anyone elses H2B not having a best man?

My H2B isn't sure who's going to be the best man either. The person he wants to be his Best man hasn't had a job for the last year and is struggling financially, so we doubt he'll be able to afford the trip to Italy.

H2B thinks he will just ask his dad to do the Best Man bit or maybe his uncle.

Does your H2B have a close uncle/Cousin/brother he could consider asking?

My Best Man was very nervous so I asked him to basically do his speech, and not a lot else.

We paid everyone up front rather than on the day, so all he had to do was drive me to the venue in the morning and, with the help of the ushers, herd people into the right place at the right time, and that's really about it.

I didn't want a stag night (traditionally the best man's job) but he did organise a nice day out that was appreciated.

I think it's the same as with bridesmaids really - you can give them as much or as little responsibility as you want to, and if you don't want to have them you don't have to. They are not a legal requirement by any means.

Our Best Man did pretty much nothing except hold the rings and the BM speech. This didn't really impact the wedding tbh.

Mr C pretty much arranged his own stag do and the guests sat themselves!

His brother isn't capable of being BM due to illness and I just think he has reached the stage of 'why bother' with it. I did feel gutted for him but now I think if thats what he wants to do then so be it. I guess because we are having everything at the same place (service, wedding breakfast and reception) its not so bad.

I am not having Bridesmaids either, got 3 lovely flower girls though!

Will just have to enlist my brother to do some of the practical things.

A lot of suppliers will be paid before the day but some are insisting on being paid on the day.

I will have to get my 'Monica' on and type up a list of instructions for my brother!

On the plus side at least I don't have to worry about any skeletons-coming-out-of-the-closet speeches by the Best Man now!

OH doesn't want to deal with the politics of appointing ushers and BM and as we are having a registry office do he doesn't think they will be neccessary. I'm not so sure. He is calling our DS (who will be 19 months when we wed) his best man, but tbh I'm not even sure if he will manage the ring-bearing job. Hopefully OH will see sense closer to the day and rope in his brother, who he gets on fine with but lives a way away, to help him.

My OH doesn't have a close friend for the job. He might ask his Dad to say a few words and give out the supplier payments but that's it really.

My H is having his dad up at the front with him but he wont be doing a speech or anything else, as long as you can have someone covering the practicalities it doesnt matter at all.

I also think OH is trying to get out of doing a speech by effectively cancelling the job of BM, who after all is the one who's speech everyone would want to hear.

I never understand why suppliers want to be paid on the day - especially those with fixed prices.

I can sorta understand with flowers as prices do fluctuate, but I see no reason why everyone else shouldn't be paid in advance.

I certainly didn't - and neither did the Best Man - want to walk around with £1000 of cash in his pocket all day. It's just not a stress you need.

My thoughts exactly AJ.

After all that planning we just want to enjoy our day not mess about paying people!

My make up artist, DJ and string quartet all need to have their balances paid on the day. I think we can arrange to pay the registrar in advance which is a relief.

We've got quite a few that want paying on the day, including the band, which isnt cheap !

I'll just stick cash in envelopes marked with who they are to be paid to, and the ushers can look after that job. All nice and simple.

Nobody needs to be paid on the day. They've quoted you a price for their services, which you've accepted, therefore they should be able to be paid at least a few weeks in advance of the day.

I don't understand why they refuse to - they've entered into a contract with you to provide a service, so they should turn up. I'm sure it's a security risk for them as much as it is for the bride and groom - who, let's face it, have more than enough going on to worry about on their wedding day - to have hundreds of pounds just hanging around in their pocket unnecessarily. Particularly in the case of hair and make up, when they've presumably spent out in advance on products?

Yes they do, our band NEEDS to be paid on the day. Its not difficult to have the money in a envelope ready to hand over is it ?

On what grounds do they "need" to be paid on the day, rather than in advance?

I don't know about you but I don't often carry cash, for security reasons - and having hundreds of pounds, if not over £1000 for several suppliers - cash in a pocket is a huge responsibility and stress that can easily be avoided by a bit of flexibility and common sense on the supplier's part. What happens if you lose it, or someone nicks it from a jacket pocket?

Is it possible for your brother to step up as best man?

Sounds like your man has confidence issues and almost feels trapped by you. is he worried about potential best men revealing his mistakes with other women? has he cheated? seems to have all the tell tale signs im afraid.

We're paying in cash, with most people, you seem to get a better deal when paying in cash, cant for the life of me think why !

I always have cash, not saying I carry around thousands, but I always have cash in my wallet.

I'm sure you said you live in South London ? - And if so, I dont blame you for not wanting to carry round large amounts of cash ! - Especially after last nights events, was it 5 shot in seperate incidents across two hours ?? - Hope you and your wife are no where near any of that.

"Discount for cash" was never offered by any of our suppliers *shrug* but I can see why some do offer it - even if they shouldn't

Yes we're in South London - Brixton - the shooting at the funeral was about 2 miles east of us, although 2 miles is quite a distance as far as London goes. To be honest, shootings, murders and suchlike are so common round here you don't really get bothered any more. You can't, you would go mad with stress otherwise. There was an armed robbery at the corner shop earlier this year which I missed by half an hour, and there was a shooting on my street which, if I'd run for the bus a couple of minutes previous to the one I'd got on, I'd probably have been waiting to cross the road to go indoors as it all happened. As it was, I went past between the incident and the police arriving, and I got in, went to the loo, heard sirens and looked out the window to see about 8 police cars and the blue tape going up.

... and people wonder why I want to move out of London?

I dont blame you for wanting to move out.

Where are you looking to move to ?

My OH is not having a best man. He can't stand his brother and I don't think he's closer to any one of his friends, he just has a group of casual friends really. We're also only having about 20 people to the wedding. I told him it would be lovely if he asked my brother as we are very close to my brother but OH said he thinks it would look bad if his own brother isn't even there (he'll be invited out of duty but hopefully won't come due to cost with it being in Italy) and he asks my brother. I don't think it matters how it looks but whatever. I'm also not having any bridesmaid so I'll have my daughter who will be 9 as flower girl/BM and OH will have our son who will be 5 as best boy. I don't know who we're going to ask to be witnesses though.

Probably south, into Surrey, nearer my wife's family, somewhere like Redhill/Crawley possibly.

Unfortunately my family are in Somerset, and the 4 hour/300 mile round trip daily commute from there to London would be a killer!

I've worked in London for a number of years now, and have always lived in Essex, slowly moving further out in the 'county' !

I can quite happily put up with the drive into Canary Wharf every day for the 'quiet' life at home !!!

Spent 4 years living in Billericay. Not the best 4 years of my life...

What didnt you like about it there ?

I'm a way from there, and not been for years !

My first marriage...

My OH is not having a best man, his statement was "I've never need anyone to look after me all my adult life, why do I need someone to look after me on my wedding day?" He, like I, doesn't have any close friends and barely speaks to his brother or step brother (In over 2 years that we've been together I've never met his step brother and only seen his brother once. I have also never met his Dad!!).

I am hoping to have my half sister as my BM/MOH but even that's proving difficult as she lives in Australia and is always busy so can't pin her down for a chat.....

Just seems our whole day is so completely unorganised ? its doing my head in!!

It may seem that way but I'm sure it all come together on the day - it usually does )

It's perfectly possible to have a perfect day with no "help" - just keep it simple and within your capabilities and you'll have no problems. Don't forget also you have staff and others there at the venue to deal with problems - part way through our speeches music started playing because they forgot to switch off the speakers in our room from the 'piped music system', and our photographer popped out to reception to tell them as nobody else could get out without making it obvious (I just spoke a bit louder...)

In some ways, things that go wrong (as long as they aren't big disasters) can make the day memorable - weddings can often be serious events that people are so stressed about they can't enjoy it, and breaking the ice because one of the waiters drops a glass or something can be all it takes to make everyone relax.

My H2B has asked his dad to be Best Man as he doesn't think he could trust any of his mates.

I am finding this decision difficult becuase it messes up top table and leaving the church etc.

I'm using the same make up artist as your wife did so i'm assuming you paid her on the day??? I dont mind paying balances on the day as we are having a civil ceremony in the same location as the reception so all payment envelopes can be kept in my room safe. All my providers are approved by the venue aswell so they wont dare not to turn up otherwise they will lose out in future.

shoutdnt mess it up too much. you need to decide whether hes classified as Father of the groom OR best man

Most supplers would accept payments before hand if you arrange it with them