I'm starting to get a bit fed up with my OH. We've been together since secondary school (15/16), so 10 years this April just gone. We've been engaged for 5 years this April just gone too. But we are no where near getting married. Not even a tincey bit closer - or so it feels.
I know blokes generally aren't that into the details and other stuff about the big day, but mine seems to as uninterested that you can get, to the point where I'm starting to feel like I wish he'd never proposed. ☹️
We bought a house so we could live together as we were both still at home with parents. We've been in about 16 months and it has been tough, what with the recession, having to buy everything we need with it being our first house. It feels a bit like I'm competing with him with money, bills, etc.
Yes, I do spend money on myself each month as does he, but that's what you work for, to be able to get what you want. But it always feels like I'm not doing enough.
I only work part time (21 hours a week), there isn't a lot of full time work round here - not something I want to or am qualified to do anyway. And he always feels like he holds it against me. He works full time for Derbyshire County Council, Mon - Fri, earning twice what I do a month (I get roughly £600). And we both pay different bills, he pays the more expensive ones as I don't earn enough which is fine. But he always says I never have any money left at the end of the month, which is true, but that's cos I don't earn enough to pay my bills AND do what I want to do each month. He gets a little extra money for caring for a disabled relative which he saves and pays for his season ticket for the football every year (£300ish).
I save any bonus and overtime ( which is little and infrequent) and put it in a banks account to go towards the wedding. He puts his lose change in a pot we haven that gets put in every so often, but that's about it. I know he has bigger bills to pay than me, but earns more money. He refuses to pool our money as he 'doesn't trust me with money as I'm not very good, but trusts me with everything else.' I know I'm not great at keeping track of stuff, but that really hurts me and he doesn't seem to realise.
We wanted to get married in April next year as we went out on Friday 4th April and also got engaged on Friday 4th April, so we wanted to keep it going. He says it is unlikely we'll have enough money to do so now, but we should 'still aim' for it. That's b*****ks, we'll still be in the same position in 2/3 years time unless I find a suitable full time job.
I love him, I do, I couldn't not after 10 years together, but with 95% of school friends married, having kids I want that for myself, is that too much to ask? I'm bored of being engaged, it doesn't seem to mean anything anymore.
I kept saying about looking at venues to get a feel for places, help us work out numbers at least, but he want too fussed. Never really seemed taken by the idea. Now he's said pretty much we won't be able to get married next year, he wants to look - which is stupid as any venue can get booked up quick.
I'm really down, we're constantly falling out about it, it feels like he isn't bothered about me anymore. He proposed, so surely he realised we were going to have pay for a wedding at some point?! He always said he'd use some of his ISA (5k) to pay for the wedding, but he needs a new car (his is on its last legs - wheels?) and he needs it for work - fair enough, but he expected to only use a couple of hundred out it for getting married?? To say he's sensible and that with money, he doesn't seem to have a grip on stuff.
I'm not saying I want to leave him or anything, but I am starting to wonder if this is what I want. Yeah I'd still feel a bit down if I wasn't engaged and other people were getting married, but at least I wouldn't feel crappy that I can't organise anything. I'm sorry for the long post, I'm hoping other brides to be have gone through similar times or that someone can give some advice.
To say I'm upset we might not get married next year is an understatement, but I'm just wondering whether we should bother at all. Xx
