Is it just me? (Friendships dying out...)

? there isn't anything about you lovely. I promise.

You certainly don't come across as selfish or stupid or boring on here ?

I know what you mean though....life is so busy, time is short, money is tight, and geography can often be an issue.

I know i don't get to see the friends i like as often as i'd like....but by the same token, i've reassessed friendships in the past. I have culled my oldest 'friend' [and have never looked back...not regret it for a minute], and i've also realised that other friends might not be as close as once they were...no slight against them, we're just at different life stages, live too far apart etc. I have faith that if things changed again, our friendships could pick up again as they were.

Sorry, a bit rambly....i suppose what i'm trying to say is that my family is now the basis of my life [immediate and extended] whereas in the past, it was my network of friends that i felt closest to...does that make sense?

I am very much like this - but i am conscious that it is probably because i dont invest enough time in my friendships

also - i dont think that people dont like spending time of me - but i am not one of those magnetic/glamorous people that would always be included regardless of making not much effort. i get quite self conscious about pushing myself forward too - even with people i know - so if i havent seen or spoken to someone for a while i let it drift because of that

i think part of it is also that my interests and that of my friends have changed - and there is a group of people who were having their first baby while i was having my last - i am working and they are still doing baby groups etc - we still get on when we see each other - but it isnt as often

i get sad about it too sometimes - but it wont change unless i do and i dont have the energy to do that at the moment

I have very very few friends. I've recently got in contact with an old school friend so that makes 2 from school days. None from previous jobs, 2 or 3 from present job, 3 internet weirdies and some joint with Mr G.

From all that I think 3 would drop things to help me out if required. I'm very intolerant of people and prefer to cull rather than investing time in people that I dont actually enjoy spending time with.

Is it not that you've been really knackered with E & Y and have just been using all your energy to get day to day? That's how I feel with G these days anyway. Luckily my (one) school friend is equally rubbish, so 6 mhtly emails are par for the course.

x

Crantock, am I right in thinking your a Bluewater hitcher? If so, if you ever fancy a coffee sometime to make a new friend - I would really like that - extending that offer to all BW hitchers - whiteweb - I don't have facebook at work but got your message on email - if your LO has the same cold do you fancy doing something Thurs/Fri of this week?

I was thinking of you on Saturday - whilst stuck on the A2 near you going nowhere, trying to get to Rochester.

Maybe similar to us - we both have old school friends & newer friends , but if we were to be at home & not in contact it would be a few days before a question would be asked where/how etc... are you. Maybe people think that your life is busy.

It's like FB , I have friends who now live in HK & I speak to them more now that they are there then I did here.

I feel very much the same. I look at some people (on here and IRL) and I see that they have something about them that makes EVERYONE want to be associated with them, to spend time with them (on here they're often referred to as a kleek ?) and I'm certainly not like that. I envy those people like I envied the cool kids at school!

I am pretty anti social and have extremely odd working hours that make seeing family impossible, never mind friends.

I have one friend from school (I hope she is still a friend, I never see her!).

Apart from that I do tend to lose touch with people, unless I make a consistent effort to keep in touch - it never seems that they are going to make an effort.
So, I have maybe 3 or 4 friends that I actually see on any kind of regular basis. Also, none of them know each other so I know nothing of this 'going out with a group of friends' malarkey that happens. However, when I worked in an office we would all go on big nights out - I had a way better social life then.

L
xx

Its not just you - I've found it virtually impossible to keep up with my friends, they haven't been able to understand how time consuming my job is and then most of them moved into the same area of London which made it hard for those of us not living there to be involved as much.

I'm hoping that now we have children we'll move back into closer contact but honestly am too tired most of the time to even think of arranging social stuff - and then I worry that I'm dull and that's why people won't keep up with me

That said, I'm losing touch with my Mummy friends because I'm back at work and they aren't ...

Sorry ... self-obsessed misery there

I saw your thread and felt inclined to post as I feel the same!

I have had a massive falling out with all of my childhood friends when one of our friends was dying earlier this year - they were so vile to me that I cut them all out, ie. I just stopped texting/calling/emailing and made myself a promise that I would never let someone like that in my life again.

Since planning our wedding I have realised I have all of two friends! ? It is sad, but they are true friends and I know they'll always be there. H2b has friends coming out of his ears and sometimes I get so sad that I dont have people like that.

I dont think that I am nasty person, or that people dont want to be around me, I have no idea what made my "friends" be so horrid to me, but on a good day I feel mostly glad that I cut my girlfriends out of my life, heaven knows how much hurt they caused me this year

It's not the quantity, it the quality of a friend that matters

x

See, I'm the same but with new friends. I have no problem making them, it's keeping them that I struggle with.

I have 4 friends that I have been friends with for 10 years and it really is an effort to make time to meet with those; we all have families/lives/jobs so we rarely see each other as often as we like. The difference is because they're old friends, they know what I'm like so don't get offended/upset if I don't speak to the/email them for weeks on end and we can pick up where we left. New friends aren't nearly as tolerant of me so I tend to lose them quite quickly.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with you, you always seem lovely on here!

The thing is, the nature of friendship has changed, hasn't it? I Hitch whereas once upon a time I would have got that social interaction from my friends. And, having been on here since Feb 2004, a lot of the people on here are the longest standing friends I have.

I've moved several times, I work silly hours and I (probably) could make more effort - but then so could those I have lost touch with. It's modern life, I think. I don't allow myself to get too upset about it. My Mum and Dad still live in the same town they were born in, so it's hardly surprising they're still friends with their school friends. However, imagine the baggage <shudder>?

I just wish you lived closer, I think you're fab.

It's not just you at all. the problem with me is that, while social enough when speaking to people, i can't be arsed with knobheads, and that really cuts it down. not that people are beating my door down i suppose. we do have a range of friends we see every few weeks, but sometimes they really piss me off.

i'm not making a good case for myself here, am i?

but hey, ask a bunch of internet weirdies if they have any mates, what do you expect?

?

? tragically i think this may also be part of my problem - in general people do piss me right off - even the ones i love quite frequently - at least when the same thing happens on here i can switch them off

It's not just you lovely. ? I think forums like this atract very similarly minded people so you will find that probably the majority of us feel the same.

Because I never made it to university and have never had a 'proper' job, I've missed out on a lot of social situations. I don't have many friends outside hitched. Actually, thinking about it I only really have one, someone I met as a volunteer at Radio Lollipop. We used to have lots in common, see each other a couple of times a week and got on really well. I asked her to be my bridesmaid and we had a lovely time in the run up to my wedding. As time has gone on, we've spoken less and less. We chat on the phone every couple of months (give or take) but I haven't seen her for nearly a year. She is getting married next year, she's busy with work etc etc. I've been sent a save the date card so I'm guessing I won;t be her bridesmaid (<phew> ?) so I probably won't get to share the planning with her, as she did with mine. I don't doubt that she is always there for me, when we chat it's like we spoke yesterday and I'm sure she will always 'be around' in my life but I'm not sure if I see her as my best friend any more.

The best friends in my life now are from hitched, I've never had so many friends as I do now! I have specifically met a small group who are dotted around the country, they will hopefully be in my life for a very long time. I often wonder if I come across as Mrs Tragic when I say this on here but to be honest, I've found out what true friendship is since being here and I'm happy with that. I just wish we all lived in the same town, that's the only downfall. ☹️ I have been lucky to meet some North West Hitchers over the last year who have all adopted me and they are lovely, I just wish I had the health to see them more, the same goes for my friends darn sarf. Bloody lupus. ?

I lost touch with all of my school friends a couple of years after we all went away to Uni. I then moved to the other end of the country so didn't see them at holidays etc so we all sort of drifted.

I have made new friends that I am close to - and if I had kept all of those I'm not sure I would have made these new ones.

My life has just changed and my friendships have too. I soemtimes think it would be nice to contact people from school again but then chicken out!

It's really not just you. Everyone esle has put it so well: Lives change, geography sets you apart, etc.

I have one friend left from school and two (close ones) from Uni. I hardly see any of them. There is a woman I was friends with who hardly lives two miles from me, but she became so involved in her daughter's life that I found it a real struggle to have a conversation with her.

I think (I hope) it's normal to have differen friends at different stages of life.

My oldest friends are in my life more due to their resilience than my appalling efforts. I'm shocking, it's like a mental block or something. I long for strong worthwhile friendships but I can't bring myself to put myself out there. I know I'm odd though. I'm a loner (and enjoy it) yet also long to be part of a strong circle of friends. I'm not fond of socialising but want to be part of it all too. I wish I could be different but also like exactly how I am!

I'm sure this doesn't help you at all but I'll say it anyway. I have always thought that you're one of the people on here who draws respect and attracts new friendships. And I often wish I had some of what you have.

Most of my school friendships have died out. I still say Hi if I see them, we still exchange Christmas and birthday cards, but long gone are the days of meeting up or chatting on the phone for ages. My 2 best friends now worked with me, we met 10 years ago and left the place 5 years ago, but they are still my best friends and I hope they will be for a long time to come.

I have quite a few old friends, seveal of which go back to Primary school and one of whom I've known all her life(she's 3 days younger than me). However it's debatable whether they really are friends, we send birthday and christmas cards and exchange the odd e-mail but that's about it. There's several of them I could call up in a crisis I guess but I doubt they drop everything IYSWIM. When I was still in the UK we'd meet up occasionally although I was probably the most infrequent as I was in London and they were all up North.

I had several close friends whilst I was in London but it's telling that in 4 years none of them have made it out here, despite the offer of free accomodation.

Since I moved here I've made a lot of aquaintances but very few friends - as in people I can rely on and who make an effort.

I'm the same I have one close friend from school, who I see every once in a while when she can fit me in and one that I met on here pre-wedding and pre- children when I had interesting things to say and opinions.

I have one friend from college that I see once in a very very blue moon and a friend from school with who we exchange christmas cards.

Other than that I have no one I think it's a mix of things, one being absolutely zero self confidence, also I don't like to phone people in case I'm intruding and if I know someone has a lot going on I don't like to pester them by texting too much.

I'm also shy in company with new people if it is in a one to one situation, I never know what to say because I'm boring and I don't want to push myself on people, especially in case they don't like me.

I'm a great worrier over what people think of me also, so I don't think that helps.

Even on facebook I daren't add people from school/ college in case they don't remember me, If I do I always write a note to ask if they do and say who Iam, one college friend I dared request did remember me and asked if I was the same bubbly person I was at college and it made me cry, because I'm not at all, I've changed so much and that makes me sad. Now I'm bloody crying again writing this out.

Sorry that was very me me me, I think I'll go back to the security of lurking now.

elmo that's so sad. I'm sure you're not boring. ?

Like the others said it isnt just you. Not that my friends arent still my friends but we barely keep in contact on the whole, but when I go home and people are out and we join them its the same as it was before I moved away. I dont really have any friends in terms of people I see often. I dont make friends easily as I am really shy (although dont always seem it) In Bristol and Derby the only friends I made were hitchers that lived locally, I havent tried as hard here in Kent with meeting hitchers although I have met one ?

I often do think of hitchers as my friends even though most of them probably wouldnt know who I was ?

I could count on one hand the number of people I'm still friends with from the UK. I found I was the one who made all the effort to keep in touch, and if I didn't bother then I never heard from them. As a result I am now in contact with only a select few of my old friends - none of whom I went to school or Uni with. A few random old work mates, friends from the village I grew up in, and mostly people I socialised with when living in London.

I have made a heap of friends since being in NZ, but in only a short few years I've grown out of some of them, and have made others. I think as I've adapted to being here, and my situation has changed, what I need and can give as a friend has changed too. As a result I now have a couple of very close girlfriends, and a load of other friends and acquaintances that I can call on to go for drinks, dinner etc for a catch up as and when I want or need to. It's hard not having a history with new friends, but you soon make that, and I think my current friends are ones that I will always have close to me, no matter what happens in the future.

My best friend was a guy I went to 6th form with, stayed in touch with during Uni by using Janet (remember that pre-email days!) and vast letters with news. We would meet up at gigs all over the country, and spend our holidays travelling round Europe with virtually no money. We flatted together in London for 4 years after leaving Uni and I seriously thought we'd always be friends. However, after I left the Uk to work in Australia, he met a new girlfriend. They came out to visit, and made it very clear that she didn't like me at all. I then moved to NZ to get married, and they went to work in Sydney for a year. I went to visit them there, and she threatened to commit suicide if we didn't stop being friends! Utter loony! So, I lost my best friend due to his nutty girlfriend. I often wonder what happened to him, whether he stayed or split from her, and what he's up to now. I can't find him on Facebook or anywhere else, and despite his unusual name still haven't managed to trace him 5 years later...