Is it ok not to care about the fact that my grandparents don't want to come?

I think you're 'allowed' to feel however you want to feel! I would certainly be hurt by those comments.

However, looking at it from their point of view, old people expect things to be a certain way - the way things were when they were young. They don't understand humanist ceremonies and marriage for them is something that is conducted in a church.

For that reason, I would still invite them and let them choose what they want to do. By the sounds of things, they probably won't come anyway - but at least you've done the right thing and sent the invitation.

It's absolutely fine to not care if they say they don't want to come. You aren't close to them and are anticipating that their forthrightness will be embarrassing. it is not, however, OK not to invite them.

You cannot control their behaviour: they may decline, they may be rude. You can control your behaviour: to not invite them would be rude and upset your Dad to boot.

....be prepared to be deluged by WPers telling you that it's your day and that you should do what you want but remember it is only one day: even if you don't feel particularly close to them they are close family to your Dad and the decisions you make now will have ramifications beyond your wedding day.

I don't really have advice (my grandparents are all long dead) but just wanted to say: I'm massively jealous that you're wearing cowboy boots. I wanted to at the beginning, then went a different way with my look, but still kinda wish I had done...

I'm with this ^^^ ? Sounds fab!

I tend to agree with the others though, if they feel that strongly, then they aren't likley to come, but if they do, then at least they will know it's not traditional and would hopefully keep their views to themselves. I'm sure you could manage to keepout of their way if they do look like theypre about to question it all with you. And yes, it's fine to feel like you do ?. I would be a little miffed, but if I wasn't close to them I'd probably feel the same as you, but I would still invite them anyway as they are family and you want to rise above their attitude

I think how your feeling is understandable given the circumstances, my BIL had the same thing happen to him when he and my sister got married last year.
His grandparents told him that a registry office wedding "wasn't a real wedding" and "there was no point pretending at marriage".
They are both very religious and expected things to be done the way that they believed to be the 'proper' way. However when my sister and BIL explained to them why they didn't want a church wedding they gave in gracefully and enjoyed the wedding immensely.

Your grandparents initial reaction might not reflect their true feelings, they might change their minds when they realise that they will miss out on your wedding.
I appreciate you said your not particularly close to them, but I think it would be rude not to invite them as that might upset your Dad.
Would it be worth speaking to them and telling them why your doing it the way you are? Yes they might argue with you and yes they might not listen, but at least you (and your Dad) would know that you tried your best to get them to come.

And for what its worth, I'm totally jealous of the cowboy boots!

x

It's sad that they reacted like that. I think it's perfectly fine to not care if they don't come now that they've made those comments.

Are you intending to scrap their invites now? Or will you send them anyway? What does your dad say about all of this?

My grandparents took a while to get their heads round a non church wedding as they had never been to one before, but they came round. Our relationship does sound rather different though. I think you probably need to invite them unless it wouldn't cause problems if they were left out, but it is OK to feel like that after that reaction. You never know, it might just be fear of the unknown, they might have a great time!

I also had relatives struggle with the concept of a non church wedding- they thought that getting married in a hotel wiyld be 'proper' somehow.

I say sod them. It doesn't sound like there's much love lost between you anyway. Invite people who want to be there.

Reading your post I think - what has it got to do with them where you get married!!!

Cheeky or what!! X

Thanks ladies for your thoughts. I will definitely still invite them, I'm not going to snub them just because they think we're not doing it "properly", but I don't think they will come - we are two hours away from them, so they would have to travel which they haven't done for years, and my grandmother will be nearly 96 when we get married.

I don't think it would upset my Dad if we didn't invite them - he was adopted, has a weird relationship with his mum and my grandfather is his step-dad, they haven't always got on too well.

You're not a horrendous grand daughter at all. I think they were quite harsh to vocalise their thoughts on your wedding to be honest. Even if that's how they truly felt, as their grand daughter I think there should probably be an element of sucking it up and supporting you regardless.

I have various family members who've stated they aren't coming- not due to the same issues as yours, but due to whatever ridiculous reason popped into their head when I handed them their invitation (or that's how it seemed) this includes grandparents, aunts, uncles... At first it felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth, but then I realised that I honestly could not care less who is there or not. As long as i'm there, my OH is there that is all that matters to me. I've extended invitations to thembecause I thought we were close, but if they choose not to come it really is their loss. I feel it says more about them than it does about me/us.

I don't believe we should love people and want to share our lives with them just because we are related. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we *shouldn't* - I'm just saying that sometimes we should just accept that people are different, and you're not always going to see eye to eye with relatives, and you shouldn't waste any guilt if you don't ...

If they don't approve of your day, then no, you shouldn't feel bad about that.

When I was getting married, my in laws said they weren't coming if this wasn't happening or that wasn't happening at our wedding. We said that we weren't going to change it for them. They still attended and were no problem on the day.

So sometimes relatives do change their minds and behave after throwing their toys out of the pram. :-)

Cowboy boots sound fab by the way!