Is loving someone enough in a relationship?

I think it depends on the entire dynamics of the relationship. Love can get you through a hell of a lot, especially if you also like and respect the person, and are able to have a laugh. All of the above have got me through a difficult few years with my H, but we both know that it won't get us through 'forever', which means we are having some very painful chats at the moment about our future. (not really willing to go into this, not just because it will derail your thread, but also because a) it is very hard for me and b) I'm sure, as ever, there are nasty trolls kicking around. I am ok though. ?)

Are you ok? ?

Just a pondering really, life with my OH is a bit shite at the moment tbh but I have to go pick the kids up from school in 10 minutes so won;t go into details. I still love him dearly and would be devastated if anything was to happen to him, but I'm feeling the spark has been blown out and that the scary thing is it's not a gradual realisation, last night it hit me. Hard. Gah Hopefully it can be re-ignighted. I just wish he would open up and talk to me, but he goes into silent mode which bugs the crap out of me

I don't think love is enough. Passion is very helpful, but wanting and enjoying the same things out of life - being on the same wave length - is more important IMO. I loved my ex but still split with him - although we loved each other we wanted different lives and I couldn't reconcile everything any more.

Hope things are ok.

I don't know that I need the passion and spontaneity but whether YOU do might be a different subject.

H and I find the passion aspect a bit tough at the moment but we could probably do more about it ourselves. Working away, me working and having a toddler don't help!!

However we both know that we love each other and fancy each other but we also like each other and respect each other and have a laugh. TBH we just get on and it's a great feeling. I think we unconsciously and consciously work on it (I certainly know I swallow a lot of petty things I could bring up and I make myself remember how fab he generally is).

Relationships change and I think you both need to be reasonable with each other and do your best to weather any storms.

I know I'm lucky in that H has exactly the same desire to be in this marriage for life and to make it the best we can. I think it's hard if you both have differing viewpoints though.

Do you need to offload?

I don't know. I (think) I'm in a very similar position to Lou (? for you btw), however a lot of our "lack of spark" problems, are partly bourne from health issues, and so it seems easier to deal with with a reason. However, this has been off and on for only four years (only she says), I'm not entirely sure if it'll cause a problem in the long run, or if the situation won't improve again.

This mostly sums up our relationship. We've been together for 10 years and known eachother for 17 so we were friends long before we got together and this made for a stormy beginning I can tell you!

We've also had periods where we've drifted apart but with some time and space and an acknowledgement that external pressures were a large part of it but that was no excuse for not trying, we seemed to get our act together. It's knowing that the spark can and has been re-ignited for us, that makes me feel more positive about tackling anything that might come up in the future.

Not sure I've really answered your question - sorry!

I think love can take many different forms. I'm a strong believer that you can love someone without actually being in love with them ... kind of when that spark dies. I do think that it is possible to work through these difficult times, but only if both parties want to.

What Policefox Lyn and Suds said (very eloquently). I guess all relationships have their ups and downs but if you like and respect your partner you've got a really strong chance of getting through most things. In my last relationship I thought I was head over heels in love with my boyfriend but looking at it objectively (even at the time) - I didn't like him that much and I could see he certainly had no respect for me. Our engagement fell apart at the first hurdle.

I love my H dearly and think he is gawjus but sometimes think the most important thing is that I really really like him.

It depends on your beliefs, and what you personally want in life.

I have very strong beliefs that I wouldn't leave my husband because of reasons like the spark had gone etc, but that is a personal feeling I have, and because I know I could live without that, but each person is different, and it doesn't make you better or worse.

I think it does take more than love to keep a relationship going. For me it takes trust, respect, consideration, a willingness to work at the relationship and dedicate time to it, commitment, compassion, compromise.

I wouldn't however say that for me it requires passion/spark/spontanaeity. For me these are things that are most common at the beginning of a relationship and then tend to dwindle a bit - more so in some relationships than others. I guess I'd put them on my "desireable" list but not my "essential" list if that makes sense. But we all have different things we consider to be essential and if they are essential to you then you really need to address it.