Is this rude?

Yes. To be honest, I am struggling to interpret it any other way!

Very much so.

Depending on the man I'd think he was an utter creep. Uch

Then I officially have the weirdest in laws in the world ?

WSS

Urk. Vile. What a pervy old git.

WHAT!!!!!!

OMFG ?

I was going to post saying Yes it's rude, probably couldn't say anything much ruder, and then I saw this ?

Your MIL is the BJ on the sofa one isn't she?

No! OMG, how utterly vile.

What did you say in reply?

Of course it's not rude. All FIL's wank over their daughter in laws don't they??

Eh? Am I getting that your FIL said this then or misinterpreting things completely? Maybe I shouldn't be surprised when their son buys you surprise presents such as the ones he does (have I got the right person this time?) I'd be scared to come to your house, or your in laws ?

I was on the phone to MIL and I was telling her that I have shingles. In the background FIL piped up and said "I'll give her a back massage and make her feel better" (he is reputed for doing this in the family, but I find it weird, especially as he expects you to undo your bra.)

Before I said anything, MIL said to him "no, she's got shingles, her back's really painful." then "pardon?" then MIL said to me

"Baz says he'll massage you with his love juice"

Now I was somewhat flustered and ummed and arrhhed a bit. Eventually I said "er, I don't know quite what to say to that"

MIL, said quite snottily "he didn't mean it in a rude way" and is now upset with me. I've been pondering it all afternoon - I've not got a dirty mind, have I?!

OMG how vile!

Fark me Clairy, you have very odd in laws ?

I fear I may have to defend my reputation here ?

1) Yes, my ILs are those of the babysitting hand-job ?

2) H did 'buy' me anal beads, but they were apparently a free gift when he bought himself some exotic gentleman's material ? The beads are still in their packet, and Mr Clairy is still embarrassed at having to admit to his new collection ?

I have weird ILs, but I'm just fine, honest ?

But what else could you possible mean by love juice? I mean how many variations of 'love juice' are there!?

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ?

What did you do to deserve outlaws like those? At least mine are just your 'common or garden' bigots and I don't have to suffer the sexual stuff. <shudder>

? Your inlaws scare the shit out of me and I don't even know where they live

Exotic gentleman's material..... ?

Have you told your H what his father said? I'm absolutely stunned to be honest. I think I'd be locking the doors and hiding behind the sofa. That or packing my bags and emigrating quick smart! ?

?

Yes, I told H and he rolled his eyes and laughed. TBH my FIL (step FIL, to be accurate) thinks he's Ron Jeremy anyway, so I don't think he was very surprised.

My problem is that, much as I want to get on with my FIL and have no bad atmosphere, I don't actually like being spoken to like this all that much. I certainly don't like him giving me back massages. If it was anyone else, I'd tell them to back off. However, MIL is so bloody over sensitive, she'd fall out with me for sure. Actually, it's disrespectful to her and puts her in a difficult / embarrassing position, maybe I should just bite the bullet. He's the same with his DIL (his wife's grown up daughter.) She also grins and bears it like me.

He looks like Father Christmas ?

Wahahahaa! I just told Mr L. your story to which he replied "what's love juice" looking incredulous I said "sperm" and he replied "well yes, but what the Hell else is it then?" ?

I have to agree with the others who've said what else could it mean. 'love juice' implies sperm, how else could he mean it but in a rude way? When i'm picturing them i'm picturing the comedy couple in Al Murray's sketches ?

Ewww, ? and ewww. How creepy.

Father christmas or Captain Birdseye??

I'm glad you all said that, I couldn't think of a non-rude meaning either, but she made me feel as though there was an obvious one, and it was me being pervy.

I don't think he actually meant it, btw, he's just like a bad script of a Carry On film.

OK is there any chance at all that he's a bit of an old duffer who's heard the phrase "love juice" and doesn't reeeeeeally know what it means but thinks he'll be funny if he says it? <clutching at straws>

You've all got filthy minds, Lovejuice is a chain which sells freshly squeezed fruit and veg juice, so the FiL was simply going to rub his banana smoothie into her skin.

?

Didn't the weirdo pervert psychiatrist in the Augusten Burroughs books 'look like Father Christmas'? ?

Actually, it's not funny. It's quite icky and if your H can't see how inappropriate is it, I'd be ramming it down his throat with his lovebeads ?

Waaah - poor Clairy. That would seriously creep me out!

Actually, LoveJuice was the name of a company that delivered homemade juices to your home or office here in Auckland. They have now changed their name...

http://bitsontheside.co.nz/2008/01/07/lovejuice-delivered-to-the-door/

Blimey your inlaws sounds like hard work! Is there any chance that 'love juice' might be name of some massage oil or another that your fil likes to use?

Actually it sounds dodgy however you think about it, doesn't it ?

Ick.

Tbh, I think the 'it only being a joke' thing doesn't mean that she thinks there's another meaning to lovejuice. I think they both know it's ejaculate, what they mean is that it's a joke that he would use ejaculate.

It is hugely unfunny though.

I think I would curl my lip and say 'ugh - what a horrid thing to say'. And move on*. Re the massage - I would tell him that you don't think his technique is up to much, so no thank you.

Should that upset them - what's the worst that can happen? You get culled? It's not all bad ?

*by which I mean - run for the hills!!!!

Poor you. (my ex's father offered to rub my chest when I had a cold - that was bad enough!)