Issue over plus ones

I think its fair to say no! Unless they are long term couples or you have met them, i wouldnt fork out for them! xxx

Will they know other people at the wedding? If so, don't invite plus ones. If they would know absolutely noone apart from bride and/or groom, I would consider it. Personally, I would attend a wedding on my own, even if I didn't know anyone, but I'm unlikely to stick around for party later.

Yeah they will all know other people there.

I would say no. It's different if they are in a steady relationship.

If they will know other people there then I would say no, the invites have gone out and you can't change, or cant afford to change the numbers now. If people had a partner when the save a dates went out then we invited them, but if they have got together since then then unfortunately they wont be invited. Its not unreasonable to get them to come on their own as long as they know other people.

I agree with everyone else that if they know other people at the wedding then they don't need a plus one.

We have done the same as you in terms of plus ones.

One of my friends is getting married this year and I have not invited her fiance to the day and I think she was expecting him to be invited. The thing is, they should have got married last year and he left her two weeks before the wedding but my fiance wasn't invited to their wedding at all, so I am not sure why she was expecting him to be invited to mine. It's so confusing and I don't want to lose friends over it. I'm finding it really difficult! Hopefully, if they are true friends, they will understand.

That is tricky, i would invite a fiance generally, but if he had left her then i wouldnt really like him at all! And surely they cant be offended either because they werent inviting your fiance. Hmm like you said, true friends will be understanding, if they arent then they are not worth it.

On the one hand I agree, but, is it really your place to judge? I do think it was wrong of her not to invite yours, but you can't make a rule for some and not others.

I'm not judging and my reason for not inviting him is due to lack of space/money and the fact that I don't know him (and what I do know I don't really like). But don't you think you have to make these rules and draw the line somewhere because otherwise your wedding would be a huge percentage of people you don't know?

We are saying that we're sorry we can't invite plus ones because we are constrained on numbers (unless we know the other half, or it's a long term couple/husband/wife). We have explained that if we had plus ones, we would have had to leave out other close friends as we could not accommodate more than 100 people.

I think honesty is the best policy here... To be honest, people shouldn't be so rude as to ask/assume in the first place.

I'm glad someone else thinks it's rude!! I was a bit taken aback!

What I think is rude is inviting some partners and not others (if they are in long term relationships).

We aren't so bothered about "plus ones" for the evening, as its a buffet it doesn't really matter.

The wedding breakfast, as it's so much more expensive, is a different matter.

Why is that rude? I never thought it was rude when my fiance was not invited to her wedding, I understood that it's a lot of money to invite everyone and their partners and he is invited to the evening anyway. Besides, she has not mentioned to me, she just mentioned to a friend so i don't think she is all that bothered, but someone else has outright asked if they can bring their girlfriend, someone I have never even met or knew existed.

We're having the same issue

My dads side of the family never take anything serious, so when we say its a formal sit down, invites only....they will invite someone we've never met before and say "oh, so n so couldnt come so ive invited my mate...."....we've said we need RSVP's if there not coming, tough, noone takes there place!

We had an issue with my Cousins, one has been with her bf for 5 years, they dont live together but thought seen as they are 'long term' that we would invite him, then we get a phone call saying 'why cant my bf come ive been going out with him a long time to'.....in the end it just gets silly....we basically said, if you want them there you can pay for them to stop, eat and drink....that is it!

I think that people should understand that a wedding is a blooming expensive thing to try and organise and if you get an invite, it's a treat, if your partner who doesn't know the bride and groom very well dowsn't then they should be an adult and accept that it hasn't been done out of spite.

I was recently invited to my OH's friend's wedding - I'd never met either of them and was really touched that they invited me to the whole event and I had a wonderful time even though I didn't know many people, but it was definitely a shock and I wouldn't have thought twice about it if I wasn't invited.

Thats a tough call - especialy when she didnt invite your fiance. I think you should call her, explain that you get the impression she isnt happy but that money & seating is tight and he is very welcome to the evening do, as your fiance was to hers. END OF lol

As rule of thumb those in serious relationships are invited to ours - even if I dont like them!

Exactly!!

I can't understand why (especially from someone who is planning a wedding themselves and understands how much stuff costs!) anyone would find it rude? If we were loaded I would invite everyone I know but we just can't afford and I refuse to get into debt for the wedding.

Yeah except my fiance wasn't even invited to her evening do! lol!

Harsh!! lol Keep yourself right though - not worth an arguement over!

You are completely missing my point. I said it was rude to invite some partners and not others, especially when those who haven't had their partners invited are likely to be seated with those who have. If you are making it a rule for everyone then I'm sure people will understand. For example, inviting work colleagues sans partners is fine if the rule applies to all.

Our single friends are all invited on their own, without a plus one. We've said that if they get with someone before the wedding then they will have to have been with them a few months and for us to have met them to think about inviting them. We didn't want them bringing along someone they'd either just met the week before or someone else that we had chosen not to invite. We don't have many single friends (everyone else is already married!) and those that are know lots of the people at the wedding.We really wanted just close friends and family and as we aren't having an evening do as such it's either invited to the whole day or not at all. That said if a close friend said they'd feel really uncomfortable on their own we'd try and sort something out.

However, we do have a little dilemma as the best man, who has been single for the last few years has recently got together with someone and they have been very happy together for the last few months. We don't know her, haven't met her and she won't know anyone at the wedding. We haven't yet invited her but she apparently has the date of the wedding on the calendar! It's not that we're not going to invite her, we're just a bit worried that she'll be on her own for most of the day as obviously the BM has lots of things to do and will be sitting on the top table etc.

I will have invited some partners and not others but I don't think that is rude and I don't understand why it should be a rule of all or nothing? There will be singes on tables with couples but it's all arranged with who knows who. I get what you are saying, but I think it's down to each couple and how well you know them both etc Some couples we know both very well, some we know one well and not so much their partner and others we don't know their partners at all. There are quite a few who we have invited as singles if we don't know their partners at all.

Referring to work people, I've invited some work people to the night without partners, but two people I am really close to at work will come all day with partners. Do you think the evening only ones will get upset that they've not been invited all day? See what I mean, it's an effing minefield. I suppose with weddings, it's all so individual to each couple and somebody will always be upset at not getting a plus one or bringing their kids or getting an evening only invite. Like someone said previously, surely it should be an honour to get invited to someones wedding.

That's what I was saying to H2B about our best man. He is going to be busy on the day, sitting at the top table for the meal etc, so if he brings someone, she will be on her own all day.

I would be pretty insulted if I got invited to a wedding, where friends' partners were being invited, without my OH of 9 and a half years! If none of my friends' partners were being invited, fine.

ETA - I would politely decline (which I have on one similar occasion).

Really? i wouldn't be in the slightest offended and haven't been in the past - am I just too laid back!?

PS - i am not trying to get into a personal slanging match with you, it's good to hear differing opinions! That's why I came on here in the first place. At least what you have to say is constructive x

We have only invited partners where it's fairly long-term and we have met them. It hasn't really been an issue for us though as 99% of our friends are completely single (as in, not even in a relationship).

However, one of my friends not only asked "can I have a plus one?" but nigh-on insisted upon it. She wanted to bring someone I've met maybe once, who she isn't in a relationship with, just because "you can't make me be alone in the evening!" This despite the fact I've invited her two best friends, her mum and her stepdad! (Also our wedding is unusual as our sit-down meal is taking place in the evening... so it's actually more expensive to invite plus-ones to the evening.) I gave in to her but was really unhappy about it, I think probably because the rudeness of her insisting pissed me off in the first place! I talked to my H2B about it and he was equally unhappy about it so eventually I told her we couldn't accommodate plus-ones and I am so glad I put my foot down about it.

There is no way I would not invite a fiance or someone who is a long term partner ! If someone invited me and not my fiance I wouldn't go , I would find it highly disrespectful to me and my partner. If money is tight then no I wouldn't invite a plus one so someone could just not claim to be on their own . But I would try and invite boyfriends/girlfriends too.

The day I agreed to become his wife I think of my fiance as my husband all bar the frock and party . My commitment to him is sealed allbeit not in the eyes of the law yet. We are a package deal now lol

I agree with Ililacit- if I was invited to a wedding and my long term partner wasn't when other friends' partners were, I'd find it insulting and would wonder what the bridge / groom had against my partner.

I think, with regards to partners and children, it should be one rule for all- either partners there or not (or invite them to the evening). If the same rule is applied accross the board then I would understand and not mind.

I guess everyone's different and this is only my personal opinion. Whatever works for you x

During the day all my guests have a plus one,so that might be someone i have never met or someone who i know really well. I think it is good etiquette to invite a plus one especially during the day.

In the evening everyone has plus ones except my work colleagues that i currently work with,it is a team of 15 and there is no way i am wasting 15 folk that i don't know when they will be invited as a group who have worked together for years.