It's all come crashing down around me - long.

Cant offer any advice but have a hug. I feel you have done the right thing in cancelling... take one day at a time. All the best, hope it all works out for you both xx

Oh dear Rossatron,

I have no advice to offer you and know nothing of this situation...but if you truly love him, then you need to talk to him.

He has a problem and needs help.

Rossatron - so sorry to hear this, have an inadequate hug ?

Firstly I'd like to say I think you have absolutely done the right thing by moving out etc, and it must have been a very hard decision to make to cancel the wedding but it will very likely be for the best - for the moment at least. As you said, this has clearly got out of control for him to the point where it has affected you, your money and in fact the roof over your head, so going ahead with the wedding would not be a good idea. I think by doing what you've done you have shown him that this is completely unacceptable and he has broken your trust completely.

The second thing I'd like to say is that if you do love him, and are prepared to consider working at things once you've had some time apart, it may be unbelievably hard but there is help around for addictions like this and if he is prepared to start trying to overcome it, that might be a good option to consider if you think you could support him through it. Obviously though he has broken your trust, and ultimately he did get himself into this mess, so that is completely up to you. That will be a case of whether you feel he has broken your trust to the point where you feel you can't work on the relationship anymore, or whether you still feel it is worth working on, if that makes sense.

I don't really know what else to say but I hope you're okay, and vent on here anytime you like ?

Dont know what to say really, but I do think moving out was a good move, you need some space and I agree with novice about getting in touch with a helpline. Gosh what a shock for you.

I do hope you can sort this out but he has to face the reality of him having a problem.

Big hugs xxx

I know someone who went through this with their fiance

A few months before the wedding, she found out that her OH had been doing online gambling but to a higher extent than your OH. He was about £30000 in debt. They talked things through, he agreed to get help, they borrowed extra on the mortgage to clear the debt and start afresh

On the honeymoon he admitted he'd been gambling again and had racked up another £40000. It was too much for her to take, so she asked him to move out 3 months after they were married. She bought him out of the mortgage (she was lucky to be able to afford to) and had nothing to do with his debt or him afterwards.

All the time he was saying that things would get better, that it was just a losing spell and that he would be making money again soon, but she wasn't prepared to give him yet another (very expensive) chance

It seems that your OH is in denial and until he can admit that there is a problem, you are doing the right thing, in my opinion. However, it sounds like you want to help him. I suggest you post on Off Topic - there are some experts there who have either been in your situation, or are able to give really good advice. They don't bite ?

Thanks for all your advice, hugs and reasurance. I have been looking at sites and information for gamblers, I feel like I shouldn't bother helping him out but i want to, I want to help him sort things out.

I still don't know how we can work things out between us but I think I want to only if he will admit he has a problem and seeks help. I've text him saying this and suggestiing we meet up for a drink to talk this through at the weekend. I have contacted the bank also, and they were really helpful about limiting his access to the account, pretty obvious i was telling the truth as he has withdrawn £1500 in one day! I'll have to pay the bills and mortgage myself for next month and am fuming about this cos I'm not exactly loaded and am borrowing from the bank of mum and dad.

Am feeling such a range of emotions, anger, dispair, upset, disappointment coupled with missing OH and still loving him and wanting to help him.

I will cross post this as well on Off-topic for more help and advice but I appreciate all the lovely messages.

Im so sorry for you, i had it with my oh last year (although it wasnt gambling! and nowhere near the amount of cash as i caught him early on).

I know how soul destroying it is, on so many levels, the deceipt, the lies, the living with someone who could hurt you so badly (mine even spent more than half the money he told me that was going towards my engagement ring on his and made up some elaborate story about having to take some further cash from my account to pay for the ring he got me!) engagement/love/marriage and life should not be like this huh!

All i can say is i cancelled my wedding (it was due for halloween this year) but made it clear he had to prove himself, which he has done not totally but enough for me to trust him again. Also a very good wise friend said to me addiction is something that you will never understand, and basically when they are in that zone its a different person not them at all and with the exception of one friend (who hates him) everyone says i have to respect him for pulling around. Im now getting married in Sept but purely because he has put every breathe over 6 months into proving that i can now trust him.

All i can say on top of that is - will things get easier? yes if you have time and patience and he is willing to put 100% into getting better with your support, and you know it will be tough.

honestly i am so so so sorry for you and wish i could take away the pain, i was too ashamed to share my story on here at the beginning of this year so i know how hard this post must have been for you. Please, If you need a one to one chat feel free to email me ***********@*******.***

Hugs x

Oh no! I really don't know what to say but didn't want to read and run! Big hugs to you. And i hope he gets the help he needs and everything works out for you both!

Didn't want to read and run either. I hope you have the strength to get through this. Gambling is an addiction and needs sorting out, I hope your other half gets better from this.

x

I'm sorry i don't have any advice but just wanted to give you a hug, and i hope everything works out for you both ?

Hopefully with you walking away it will be a push for him to get help....there really is no point in you looking for help for him as he is going to have to want help for himself if you ae to sort this out and try again.

A friend of mine lost her home because her boyfriend was doing the same thing so she gave him an ultimatum...hand over all bank cards, credit cards, cheque books etc, changed passwords so only she could access the accounts or she was gone....they are still together in a new place now and it has taken her a while to get the trust back.

If this is to work between the both of you, yo will find a way, just take time out for now and let him realise what it is he will loose if he keeps this up.

Hope you are ok ?

Firstly....I think you are very brave and strong. Secondly....not naive at all. I believe a relationship should be built on complete trust. Unfortunately that trust has now been broken.

Some good advice already given....wish I could say something a tad more helpful.

Again, I have never been in your situation so would find it hard to give you any real advice. However, I just wanted to say that I personally think you have done the right thing and think you are extremely brave and strong for doing so.

Just want you to know we are all thinking of you and even though it must be a really difficult time for you, things will get better.

?

Sorry for coming in to this a bit late but I really don't know what to say.

Hope you can sort things out to a good solution for your both as people and as a couple.