I've made a mistake haven't I

No you haven't, he has.

What are you going to do with the info?

Is it better that you know what he's doing or would you rather not have known (not judging I can well understand "what you don't know doesn't hurt you")

Hmmm. Probably.

I think you need to ask yourself what you hope to achieve and exactly how far you will take it.

Poor you. ?

I don't think you have made a mistake, but I think you should be on carefull territory. I know I would be extremely cunning and devious to find out all the facts before I confronted him.

I don't know you BB or have any idea how long you and your H have been together/children/history etc. All this will obviously have an impact, but I do think some men think a bit of 'internet fun' is a laugh and may not see it through IRL.

?

I have a laugh and a giggle on the internet with other men however my OH takes offence at this.. When he chats to other women online he expects me to understand that there is nothing going on. Even when he registered on a chat site as single he said it meant nothing. My OH has never cheated on me and as long as he is the one at the computer it is harmless fun. personally I would have done the same as you. Not saying that you have anything to worry about, just that I am paranoid about y he thinks its ok to chat when i can't . What Im sayin is that i am worrying about nothing.

I know that is a babble but hope that it makes sense.

Like PolicefoxLyn said - it wasn't you who made the mistake.

I'm sorry you're in this position, you must be feeling sick and confused right now. The best thing to do is to work out what sort of outcome you want.

If you're happy to stay with your husband despite this it might be better if you don't take the snooping too much further and just confront him now - if you take it too far and find out too much it might be difficult to go back from there.

If you don't think you can forgive him and/or trust him again by all means continue looking into it, it may be cathartic eventually and will certainly stop you wondering what has actually gone on, how far he did go and thinking up lots of worse case scenarios.

Whatever the outcome it'll be upsetting, you've done the right thing by talking about it. I hope you feel better soon.

I'm not convinced that registering on the site is the best way forward, if only because it leaves you open to accusations of "snooping" or whatever when it comes to a confrontation. I'd have done the same thing, by the way, in the heat of the moment - totally understandable I think ?

What are you going to do now?

Nicandeuan, I'm a bit stunned by your post as well, actually. Perhaps I'm just an old killjoy but I don't see how registering on a chat site as "single" and talking to other women under false pretences isn't cheating. My husband is at complete liberty to talk to anyone he wants to on the internet, but if he actively sought out other women then told them he was single, he pretty swiftly would be.

Not sure that you have done the right thing but either way you need to talk to him about it - you have enough evidence to prove what he has been doing. Saying that he is going to meet up with one of them is not just chatting is it ????

I hope you sort it out

I know snooping generally isn't the answer but in this case i would have done the same as you. So, assuming he says Yes to you, what next? Are you going to arrange a place and see if he turns up? What if he does, is divorce on the cards? Does it only matter if he has actually done something?

I don't understand why the made up profile. you already know he s contacted these women, and he may have met them and fucked them anyway. I can't see the point of now trying to "trap" him when you already know.

I can understand why you made the profile up. I've been there with an ex of mine and did almost exactly what you did. It's automatic, human nature almost, in the heat of the moment as in your head, you imagine setting up a meet and then watching his face when he realises it's you. All in a moment.+

Fortunately nothing came from my bogus page because I realise now that if it had, it'd have got very messy and I'd have been hurt big time having his cheating rubbed in my face, rather than just the confirmation he'd cheated that I had so far.

Really sorry that you've come across this, but I think you need to confront him. Asking for no strings sex, whether he's got it or not, is cheating in my eyes as it's a betraying of trust.

Nick, im speechless do you have to been so harsh with your words. i'm literally shaking here

I am sorry to hear BB.. I do think maybe you have acted in "attack first" mode but you have the evidence, if you have found atleast 10 woman contacted then I would be printing off the evidence of this. In my eyes, asking for no strings sex whether he has done it or not is betrayal and you need to speak to him about it.

Harsh but true.

Sorry, but are you only shaking now that NickJ said what he did? Were you not when you found out your H had contacted all those women?

That's not what she said, Mal. However, having someone say your husband could have been 'fucking' other women would probably make me shake too.

This woman is clearly very upset and I think kinder words could have been used.

Would it be kinder then if he said making love or something like that? ? She posted to say her husband had been looking for no strings sex. It's hardly a shocker if someone replies in such a way. What does she think he's been doing?

The words 'slept with someone' could have been used, I'm sure there are lots of other ways it could have been put across too, without it being twee. I swear lilke a navvy, but when someone is upset I don't see any reason to upset them further by using language that is designed to shock.

As I say, I have a terrible mouth, so have no problem with swearing, but sometimes being kind with your words is the way to go.

Honestly, I don't think you need to go down the whole registering a false profile thing, you already know that he has said he wants to meet these other women etc for casual sex. Nick did word it harshly, but what he is trying to say is right I'm afraid, he may have already acted upon this and even if he hadn't, how could you ever trust him again.

I would go through and tell him exactly what you found, totally ignore any allegations of snooping as to me, that isn't even relevant to the conversation. Decide what you want to do, he may well deny it, even if he e-mailed this profile you created, he might say it is all just a bit of fun and do you really want to take it to the stage of waiting outside somewhere for him to turn up to have sex with this imaginary woman? My honest advice is that I think he has either cheated on you, or he would have done and you need to deal with that and decide what that means instead of trying to get anymore actual evidence, it will just hurt you and I don't think you need to.

Edited to add FWIW, I think cyber sex or anything like that is also cheating.

Or he may not have gone through anything at all - he may just enjoy the thrill and excitement of talking about it.

It is an act of betrayal but rather than just jumping to conclusions (although I appreciate that it really doens't look good) I think you both just need to sit down and have an open conversation. Either way, there are obviously some issues that need to be resolved and you need to be honest with each other.

BB, have a massive hug. I think I can appreciate a bit of what you are feeling at the moment. I've just left Mr Egg as, aside from beating me up regulary I found out he's on dating websites and has gone to sex clubs.

If ever you want a chat, please feel free to email me- I haven't got any solutions but I can offer a place to let off steam without any problems.

p.s - I think in your situation I would have done exactly the same as you, I just found out about my H after I'd gone x

Take care and remember this is HIM not you x

Oh BB, the evidence is pretty damming. I'm guessing you've created the profile to see quite how far he is prepared to go, and whether it's idle titilation or if he is indeed meeting up with other women for sex.

Either way I think you need to decide what you want to do about this. I wouldn't be very happy with either scenario tbh. You need to be prepared for his reaction and explanation to you and whether this is something you want to work through or not. ?

Poor you, wish I could say something to help, but you're probably all over the place atm. I know I was when I found out the ex had been sleeping with one of my friends. If you need anything pm me angel. Best thing you can probably do tho is to talk to him and get it out in the open, then you can decide what want to do next.

Agree with Ruthy_Wuthy, and where you go next very much depends on what you know about him, and how happy you are with your relationship in general. I ended up in counselling with Relate once over something not exactly the same, but internet/flirting related. We had had the open and honest conversation, but I needed something that at once said 'this is serious, you're on the way to blowing it here', and was punishing (he really didn't like the idea) and which would validate that I wasn't getting wound up over nothing (counsellor certainly confirmed that!) So Relate really fitted the bill for me. Just for your information - the counsellor said that there'd been a massive change in the last few years, and some 50% of couples he saw were in over internet related problems, be in porn, sites for thrills, or actual physical cheating. So if you do thing counselling is for you, please don't feel embarrassed to go - it will not raise any eyebrows with a counsellor, and they'll be used to guiding couples through this. I'm so sorry for you - it is a horrid shock. Btw - counselling doesn't mean you forgive and forget, you're not commited to staying with him by going. I used it to help me decide. How he reacted to my questions and the counselling session was critical. Good luck.

I probably would have gone down the same route as bumble bee, just so i could see for sure what was going on. We are not all able to be super assertive and if you are living with a 'clever talker' like i do, i would like to be certain i knew the full score before confronting.

I think unless you have actually been in a situation you really don't know what your reaction will be, i certainly reacted differently to how i thought i might when i caught my husband cheating. It did not bring the best out in me.

Open conversations are all well and good if you are both open, which you can not gaurantee, if only life was like that

Bumble Bee - this happened to me last January - (edited due to sensitivity)

I'd not do the bogus profile thing if I was you - that is stuff of Hollywood films - catching them out by being the woman in the hotel lobby.

Confront him. Or let it lie.

(edited for sensitivity)

I'm not going to say what may of gone on with Mr BB and these woman - its impossible to tell by what you've seen on line - nor am I going to go into detail about my experience of this situation more than I've done so above. But PLEASE don't try to play games with this by trying to catch him out - that could destroy something that might otherwise be salvagable.

Please PM me if you want to chat more - I really do undestand what this is like. I'm heading out now but will be around later on tonite if you want to chat OK? I'm also on yahoo/skype if you want a proper chat.

Mrs SP x

Hey Bumble - just wondering how you're doing today?

Hi BB

Just to add the same happened to me recently, I found out for almost the whole time we were married my ex was doing this. I found some on his laptop as well as pictures and texts to women on his phone. He joined dating sites as well as networking type ones. We are now going through a divorce which I hope doesnt happen to you if you feel you can trust and stay with this guy,

I would never trust mine again and he even admitted to meeting with some of them. Funny thing is although he has the house and never gave a penny to me the whole time we were married but happily took all he could from me, he somehow feels he is entitled to 12k off me. Can see what he is really like now and I am far happier now.

But like others have said if you fancy a chat etc feel free to contact me through here.

Is anyone around to chat ? sorry ive not updated but things have been busy at home with different things.

Hey there, how's it going? ?

Did you confront him in the end?

Hiya BB hon

How are you ???

I cant bring myself to confront him about it and in the meantime i've been emailing him . He has told me that he is in a relationship but he thinks he just tolerates her to pay the bills .

My head is aching so much, ive not slept for 2 nights .

I am a stupid

Have you got somewhere you can go? Sounds like you need to get shot of this total twunt.