Ladies I'm being a worry wort - please help me...

Bless you, you sound petrified!

Try on everything! I'd suggest not ruling out any style of dress at all. I tried on so many in different styles, some I was adamant I would hate. I did hate some but others really surprised me.

I loved and still do love two dresses but I think I've decided which one. I also wouldn't be worried about how your photos will look in years to come as isn't that the point of photographs, ie they capture the period? From pictures I've seen of you and the style of wedding you're having I would go with the retro/vintage look. Its your style and will look better on you as you will feel comfortable and relaxed.

Hope that helps x

When i chose my theme i started ripping up mags and d/loading images from the web of dresses which had a 40s flair, a hintage of vintage...and in total I had about 80 dresses in my 'collection'

I walked into a wedding store and said what I was after and naturally the 40s was met with a blank expression so i whopped out the hardback book of my collection.

'we dont have that one but do this one.... that one wont sit right on you, you dont have the length of body...... that one, this one, etc etc etc' offering alternatives if they didnt have what i wanted and I was just keen to try. I thought I might have a halterneck tbh but I havent gone for that..... I woulda gone for strapless but when I found mine..........it was vintage and modern and hollywood and stuff.....I originally wanted a tea length dress and went to great lengths to find one.....but changed me mind.

dont get het up with styles, get as much vintage/retro homework as possible, aim for the 50s or 60s for example and go from there.......your dress doesnt need to be full length, doesnt need to be ivory, you know all this... the dress stuff is the fun stuff.... just do your research!!!!

If the shop(s) you visit are good enough then they will help with what does and doesn't suit you and suggest you dresses to try on. Just remember that they do this every day and therefore will have an idea of what will look good on you, is in your budget and what fits your theme or ideas.

Try on lots of different styles as you may be surprised! I didn't have any preconceptions about what I wanted, truely didn't have a particular style in mind and I love the dress I have chosen. I wouldn't say I knew it was 'the' dress but none of the others I tried on compared to it so that's what made my mind up. And there's no definate way of saying you won't look back in 20 years time and not love it as much but as someone else said, styles do change. But, it will also hold very happy memories for you and that will be enough to keep it special Think I went a bit twee and fluffy there... Apologies!!

Sorry, think my answer was even more rambly than the OP!

Ok firstly you don't need to spend £700 at all and only do so if you are comfortable with the certain amount. Whether anyone else did or didn't grudge spending £50 or £5000k really won't help you to feel better if you have doubts over the cost. I knew my dress budget so only looked at dresses within that range and would suggest anyone else to do the same.

Try on everything and anything (within said budget) including what looks terrible on a hanger as you may be pleasantly surprised.

You don't need to have a traditional ivory number for it to have a good structure in the bodice so try to stop fretting about the bra situation until you have picked your dress. I am a 34E and can never ever go braless but my dress was very supportive so I managed it and I wouldn't have believed anyone telling me that until I had my own dress in the correct size.

Yes I wobbled but deep deep down I knew I had made the right decision and the timelessness of the dress only worried me once because at the end of the day I wanted to wear what suited me now, not what may be in fashion/suit me in 30 years time. My dress certainly isn't to everyones taste but suited me 100% and that is all that matters. My h2b said he didn't like sparkly dresses and I still choose it.

I didn't think about my body shape when I was looking at the start but quickly figured out I didn't like fishtails or dresses that had a split kinda thing in the middle or anything too big.

I am doing an Encore session with Teri who is a hib so I get to wear my dress again and afterwards it will get cleaned and put in a box. I won't sell it because I never planned to and won't regret it being in a box because it's the memory the dress has that will be important to me. Oh and my cousins daughter wants it!

You sound so worried about the experience so try not to over think it and just take it as it comes when you start to look.

I cut heaps of pictures out of magazines but personally it didn't help me in the end because what looks nice on a model looked totally different on me and also 98% of the time the dresses were out of budget or no shop close to me stocked it but it may well help you to narrow down choices.

xx

Cosmo - Thanks so much for your advice. I will most certainly try on as many as I possibly can! Any failsafe method of remembering all of the dresses I've tried on?! Thanks also for your advice on the photographs and 'looking back on old photos', that's very true.

Ok, firstly, apols for the essay.

secondly, caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalm your jets! stop stressing! like you say, you have three years. fashions, body shapes, opinions, budgets - they may all change between now and the day you need to start looking for your dress.

to try and address your points in order - how do you find 'the one'? well, you might not find The One. i didn't - i just found a dress that i thought was really lovely, suited me and my body shape, and was within my budget. it's not an ivory strapless number either ?. it is a bridal dress though, but saying that, you don't have to wear an ivory dress if you don't want to. yes it's a lot of money, but it's my wedding day, and personally, i never plan on wearing a bridal dress again. i don't feel i have to justify myself to anyone - if you have the money, and are comfortable spending £x on it, why the hell not? i don't begrudge anyone spending £200, £2000 or £20000 on their wedding dress - it's the one day where you have the opportunity to wear a dress that you love. i have NO idea what i'm going to do with it after - probably wear it once a year to do the housework in...?!?

all you need to do is try LOADS of dresses on (as long as they're within your budget - no point in trying on a candy anthony if you've got a tenner to spend.....) after trying on lots of different dresses, you'll have a much better idea of what suits you, and whether you'll be able to go bra-less or whatever. i would NEVER go without a bra day to day, but i haven't been able to find one to go under my dress, so my seamstress is sewing support into the dress - there are ways and means!

why should you worry about your dress and what you think of it in 20/40 years? won't you remember most of all the memory of you getting married, and the joy that your dress gave you? i'm sure there are lots of brides who got married in the 80's looking back at their dresses now, and thinking - ok, it's not in fashion anymore, but i loved it, i loved wearing it, and what a day we had!

failing all that, take a hitcher with you when you're dress hunting - we'll give you honest advice.... ?

<bluewater steps valiantly to the table and nominates herself>

Oops sorry if I went on a bit too long ?.

How about going to try on some dresses now because I think that is the only way you might feel better? If you tried some on now without the pressure of having to find the one you want (i.e. instead of doing it with only 9 months to go and being under pressure due to delivery timescales) then it might be more enjoyable?

I went to 2 bridal shops and Debenhams on my own (hate shopping with other people) and had fun just try on different styles because then when the time came a few months later I knew I didn't want x,y and z so could be more focused in the shops instead of being daunted by all the various styles on offer.

A bit of advice I found helpful with dress wobbles was to not buy any more wedding magazines and I didn't! The only other dresses I saw was on here so avoiding all dress threads would have been very helpful but I couldn't resist! ?

x

I was always adiment (s?) growing up that i didnt want a wedding dress just a "evening" dress.... that was untill 2 weeks ago when i properly started looking at dresses... I then was persuaded by a friend to "go on...try one on" so i ended up trying a few on... the wedding dresses were gorgeous.... i now know exactly what style i want now and it is a "weddigng" dress... i have completly suprised myself.... like i said earlier, i never in a million years thought i would go for a wedding dress... but as soon as i tried the dress on i knew it was the style i wanted... it was so wierd, it wasnt the dress i wanted but definatly 100% the style...... so when you go dress shopping i think you will just know when you try it on..... like others have said try a few on you just never know, you might suprise yourself :-) x

Haaaa Cheers BW - If you're still on here in 2 years I may hunt you out and take you up on that offer!

Of course I will, but, I hate photos of me now, so worry about what I'll think of myself when I look at the photos. Maybe some weight loss will change all this though. That may sound selfish, and I don't mean it to...I love my OH to bits and I know we'll have a brilliant day and I'll think about it with so much fondness, but I worry that I'll feel the same discomfort at looking at photos of myself on my wedding day, that I do now. Does that make sense?

I understand about the budget and as I said to PG, this was merely hypothetical.

x

but lovely, if you are critical over every photo of yourself just now, that's not a dress issue, it's a self-esteem issue.

believe me, i know about that. i hate all the hen night pics of me, as i look more rotund than a bloomin football. but i loved the dress, so i just have to focus on that! all you can do, is find a dress you love and feel comfortable in, and work on the other stuff.

ps don't need to worry about the budget thing - i've mum ? has spent quite a bit of money on my dress and do you know what, i feel a little bit bad about it, but she decided she was happy paying that money for a dress that looked great.

I agree with what others are saying, go try lots on. I have ended up with a dress that I love, but would never have imagined buying when I first started looking (my Mum actually suggested I try it on!)

Go with something you love

P.S I must also say I love the pictures you've posted with ideas for your wedding! Have you also seen this dress:

http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=A3131&backUrl=%2fviewBride.aspx%3fId%3d5636%26backUrl%3d%252fdress.aspx%253fpageSize%253d96%2526page%253d3%2526style%253dA3131

It just kind of makes me think of country style weddings!

I know, but it's a vicious circle (O+gerrrrrrrrrr!) because the self-esteem issues make me worry about the dress!

I'm hoping that this cross trainer will sort me out!

Thank you for listening to my ramblings!

x

Have some hugs Oohie.

You have soooo much time to find a style that just feels 'right'.

For me I knew I wanted a shorter more vintage-y style dress, as I've said before if my budget could have stretched to a candy I would have, but I love my dress to bits.

I don't wear slinky dresses because I don't feel comfortable with my hips and I wanted something which would represent me and not a million other brides, which is why I've added the pink petticoat and pink sash.

I think I've mentioned before to you, but take a look at the national wedding show in birmingham (unless you fancy a trip to london) where you'll be able to see hundreds of dresses in the flesh with no pressure into buying, just to get a feel for the style, the designer and the price!

you'll be fine, you'll look lovely and when you find it...you'll know it's the one

x

did you shop with your body shape in mind, or just pick the dress that you liked the look of? I don't do dresses or skirts so I had no idea what would suit me (a pear shaped bottom heavy 5ft 2"!) ... I tried on all sorts and was surprised that ones I thought looked fab on the hanger did NOTHING for me, so let the dress folk do their job and advise me...

Do you have proper dress wobbles where you worry about if you chose the correct one? I did wonder as I didn't have that 'this is THE one' moment, there were no tears from me or those who were with me, I didn't find myself an emotional mess on the floor when I stepped into the one I ended up buying... but then I think thats probably just down to 'me' and those folk who I picked to go with me who aren't exactly ? either - I took them with me for their honesty!! So I soon put that 'is this the one' crud out of my mind!

Did you begrudge parting with so much money, only to wear it once? Personally I just couldn't justify spending hundreds of pounds on a wedding dress. Even if I hadn't of been restricted cos mine was a beach wedding (and therefore I needed a sensible dress) I wouldn't have paid what most dresses cost. It just wasn 't that important to me (personally) to have a dress that cost the earth. I know one girl who spent £3k on her dress... I spent £199 and I adore my dress to bits. The most I would have spent if I'd been able to buy ANY dress (not just one for a hot country) would have been about £300 tops.

What will you be doing with your dresses after your weddings? It could be worn again if I drop down to my wedding weight! Its a two piece so .. the skirt will at some point probably be shortnened and I'd have some netting put underneath to make it a bit more retro. The top I could wear with jeans and a pair of heels and go partying...! At the moment its in my wardrobe with another dress I got which I stoopidly thought I'd 'slim' enough to get in... which cost me £100.... and is beautiful.

Is your dress really "you"? Oh god yes - it was cerise and sparkly.

Do you feel completely and wholeheartedly comfortable (as in confident) in your dress? It made me feel amazing and confident because I wasn't pretending to be something I'm not! I really can't imagine me getting wed in a big ivory dress - its just not me. I did try some on, but only one made me feel "wow".

Do you worry about the timelessness of your dress? No. Who cares what people think in 15 or 20 years time??!!

Hi Ohh la la

I couldnt read your post and not reply as it is exactly how I feel. Scary and i have no idea what will suit me I am the strangest shape and i am not a fan of clothes shopping. however my OH convinced me the only way forward was to try lots of dresses until I felt comfortable.

So I have been once and it was better than expected, I didn't get the this is the one feeling but the lady was super lovely, talked me through the different designers she has in stock and then based on things I had said she picked some out or me to try on. Non of them were perfect but the ones she picked did suit me better than the one I picked.

So I think this may be the way forward, explain what you think you are looking for, and allow the people that know about these dresses to make suggestions of what to try and just keep trying untill you find something. (also I am doing a lot of research to decide what type of dresses I like the look of).

Finally I think the best thing was when I tried dresses on I rated them out of 10 then the lady in the shop emailed me photos of each dess with the mark so no photos of me (hooray) but a good reminder hopefully i can keep some sort of list as I try things on would something similar work for you?

so good luck with the dress hunting and remember you have pleanty time, your OH will think you look amazing no matter what you wear and there are no rules about how wedding dress should look it is what ever makes you feel comfrtable and happy.

Don't know who you have looked at in terms of designers etc yet but I am currently loving

Claire Pettibone, vintagy with a funky twist.

x

Well, as you say there's three years to go so plenty of time to get all this straight in your head before you start to look.

For me, I had the same kind of fears. I didn't want the strapless style of dress that everyone goes for. I started off wanting something quite different but it became blindingly obvious after trying on a few that these sorts of dresses really didn't suit me. I'm a bit chunky, have big norks and a small waist. The quite flamboyant dresses just didn't look right so I had to settle on something more traditional (it's got straps though!). So although I started off shopping for what I liked the look of, I quickly changed to shopping for my body shape. Once I realised that, it was a far less depressing experience as things actually suited me.
Is it really 'me'? Not when I pulled it off the rail it wasn't. I quite liked the look of it but I thought it was a bit too 'busy' and fussy for me. But once I put it on, I could see the style of it was very me, even though it was about 3 sizes too small and I couldn't do it up.
I'm still having massive dress wobbles. Not about the dress really, I love it and haven't seen one that I like more. More about what it's going to look like when I see it fitting. The sample was way too small for me and when my dress came in last week it was the wrong size and horrendously big. So a little over 8 weeks to go and I'm beginning to worry about whether it will actually suit me. It's tough really, I have no choice and I'm sure it will be lovely but it's incredibly hard to commit to spending so much money when you can't see what it's really going to look like. It's quite strange, we wouldn't go to New Look, try and squeeze into a size 10 skirt that was obviously too small and say 'Yes I like it, I'm sure it will be fine in a size 16'.
I'm very lucky because my mum is buying my dress for me so it's not my money to begrudge shelling out! However, I know that I had to be happy in whatever I buy because I'll be looking at the pictures for years to come so even if I was having to pay for it myself, I'd happily spend however much it took to make me feel good.
I'm not really worried about it being timeless, let's face it in 30 years time we are all going to be looking back at our pictures and having a laugh at how hopelessly out of date it all looks ?. Buy it for how you look and feel now (well, in 3 years time!) rather than what you might think of it in the future.

What everyone else has said, plus:

- Wedding dresses are significantly better made than clothes on the high street, you will find they fit better and are more structured than normal clothes

- It's not just the big /corsetty dresses that you can go without bras in. I was adamant I would not go without a bra (am F cup), but am now going to in my (quite slinky) dress with no corset ( although this is partly because any bra that fits under the dress gives me porn star style cleavage which would give my Gran a heart attack ?)

- You will start to get a feel for what you want when you start trying them on

- You can buy them second hand / sell them afterwards, so is possible to buy more of a range within a budget

- a significant factor for me was wanting to be able to go to the loo normally on my own on the day - too big a dress can mean you need help or have to sit backwards!

Good luck!

Hey, Im probably a bit late with this, but Im hoping it will reassure you a bit.

I was a seriously fussy dress shopper. I had alot of the same thoughts as you, about the style of dresses and especially about spending a fair bit of money on a dress that I was going to wear once.

I started looking at dresses early online and I was rediculously fussy, I hated most of the materials, I didn't like alot of the colours, I didn't like to much detail, but didn't like the ones with little to no detail. I decided to go and try some with almost a year and half until my wedding. I was convinced I was going to be one of those brides 7 months before the wedding just taking a dress that was 'ok' as I had to get something and was running out of time.

The first dress I tried on in the shop however I loved. I tried on loads and loads more and there were loads of things I didn't like, I really mean loads, plus I didn't like alot of the styles of the dresses when I tried them. I bought the one I'd tried as it was getting discontinued, I had over a year and a half until the wedding and my thoughts haven't changed one bit, I still love it when I look at it. Honestly if I can find 'the one' then you can!!

I honestly think Im so fussy about the dress that even in 10 years time I'll still like it and still dislike all the other things about the other dresses.

As you said you have plenty time so there is no harm is starting to look now. You can get an idea of what you do like and definately go try them on as you may change your mind drastically when you see yourself in different styles.

I think alot of brides have the exact same worries as you, it's natural to worry a bit, but try not to get to worried about it all! xx

1. Get the idea of their being a 'the one' out of your head. I think the reason I tried on so many dresses is because I expected there to be 'the one'. In fact there were almost a dozen I would/could have had. I think people often put too much pressure on themselves to have a 'the one' dress. Obviously some people do have such a moment and yay for them, but in my (limited) experience not everyone does.

2. You're right, you have plenty of time, keep an open mind and try on lots of styles, including vintage and traditional.

3. No matter what you wear, it will look dated in 20 years time. Although having said that I doworry a bit about the timeless - factor of my whole outfit, one reason I'm not wearing a tiara is after looking through some old family photos where all the brides in the late 70's to mid 80's seemed to some kind of fabric version of today's tiaras. I'm sure the majority of brides will be getting married in long ivory dresses in 2040!

Now in answer to some of your questions. I found some styles I liked, and some I didn't but tried at least one of each style on and kept an open mind. I was lucky in that the style I liked suited me, some others did too but no more or less than the style I liked. Once I had the style sorted, I also knew other bits I wanrted, such as sweet heart neckline, the type of material etc. the big thing for me was the right amount of detail and the right sort of detail. I also wanted straps to try to stop it being another strapless A-line number and because my shoulder don't really suit strapless, so in that respect I thought about my body shape. However, I soon learnt that straps could be added to pretty much any dress so that didn't pose a problem. My only other 'issue' was having to find a dress in 8 weeks to ensure it arrived on time, I think that added the panic factor to my shopping experience.

The only doubt I have is about whether to get a second, knee length number to wear for the evening. I think they are really cool!

Stop worrying woman! Go try every dress on in at least 3 shops and take someone with you who is very honest! x I did it as i didn't know what i wanted. I wrote down the makes and names of my faves in each shop and visited them on the net. My dress is the one i visited the most.. and tried on in all 3 shops! x

Late to the party as always with this post!

The only way to find out what suits you is to try dresses on. LOTS of dresses. And they're right. Either go on your own and let the people in the shop help you, or take someone honest. There's no point in taking a giggly girl who's going to say you look amazing in everything.

You might never be sure you have "the one." Have you seen the amount of dress wobbles threads on this site? I'm not sure that I've got "the one" but I'm pretty sure that the shape suits me and that it's not going to get any better if you see what I mean.

There's always a risk that you're going to look back and not like your dress. Fashions change. That's the nature of the beast. That's how designers make so much money - if nothing changed, there'd be no need to buy new clothes!

I'm pear shaped as well. I've gone for empire line as it skims my hips and evens out my figure. Also it has some extra layers on the bust which means I don't need a bra and it makes my boobs look a bit fuller.

I hate shopping. Hate it. Can't see why anyone would do it for pleasure! I just wandered past monsoon, saw a dress I liked the look of, tried it on and bought it. I think the whole operation took 10 minutes. And that included shoes! Mine was cheap, so I didn't mind parting with my cash. Also - it's really up to the individual. It's supposed to be the best day of your life, so you need to feel happy in your dress.

I don't really worry about my dress. I figure that it's the best I can do. I'm will never look like a supermodel so why try?

I hate having my picture taken. All I can suggest is practise! Do you have a friend who can photograph you? (Are you anywhere near Surrey? I'm a decent photographer and I could take some pics.) The reason I say to practise is that there are lots of little tricks you can use to make yourself look slimmer if that's a worry or to minimise a double chin etc etc. Not that I'm saying for a moment that you have any of those!!

Try out different angles. Standing side on with your hips, and then facing your shoulders towards the camera is good.

Not the best example I can find, but that's essentially what she's doing. Looking over your shoulder is always good too:

Note the chin is down which takes out any double chinness. Is chinness a word?

This one is again standing side on. Just varying the pose is going to help:

Also deportment is so important. If you stand up straight you will instantly appear taller and slimmer.

Basically - you will be fine!!!! (and you have three years to perfect it!)

Sorry for all the pics, was getting quite into all this!

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone, your replies are really helpful.

I'm going to go through them all again and write a personal reply to them as they all have lots of really helpful advice in them. So thank you.

Ali - thank you so much for taking time to include pictures! That's really helpful. Unfortunately I'm in Leicester, but I have an engagement shoot coming up so will endeavor to practice my poses before the shoot!!!

x

ETA -

Tahdah - Thanks for the advice about going to wedding shows, I shall be going to the one at the NEC with either OH or my Mum which will be good as I can look and feel the dresses and get a better idea of what wedding dresses are like in the flesh.

Mrs SP - Thanks for answering all my questions, that was really helpful to read.

Drifter - I will so be stealing the advice about rating the dresses! And I LOVE the Claire Pettibone dresses, but I could never afford one of those

CD - You are so right about the difficulty of ordering a dress when you've only tried it on in a 10 if you're a 16, it's ludicrous!

Blurplmpala - I will have a look at second hand dresses when I come to buy, can you recommend any second hand dress websites? Oh, and this photo is for you....

Miss Dee Dee - I will most certainly start researching soon! lol. Thanks for that.

S-K - Thanks for the advice about not looking for "the one". I'll try and keep an open mind. And yes, buy that second dress!

Mrs Spink - I think I'll get my Step-dad to come with me, because he's a lovely but brutally honest Norfolk man!

Thank you all again.

x

thats me to a tee!! I found my dress in a magazine and "knew it was the one" but couldnt find it anywhere, so I tried on lots of dresses and some suited, some didnt. Then I found my dress, and tried it and it looked great (not just my opinion ? )

then it was such a long time i'd gone without seeing it I started to wobble big time, so I went back to the shop and tried it on again and my doubts dissapeared, I'm not looking at other dresses now I know I definitely have the one.

You have to try on lots though, and listen to the shop ladies - they really know their stuff. Do you have a close friend/bm to take with you to stop you worrying so much?

xxx

I know exactly where you are coming from - I have horrendous body issues and hate being photographed.

But . . . as others have said previously you have the time, to take your time! Be prepared to try on all kinds of styles and keep an open mind - it's often the one you dismiss on the hanger which looks wonderful on and the one you've fallen in love with from a photo doesn't work for you. Make sure you feel comfortable in the shops and try to enjoy the experience if you can - don't feel pressurised.

I'm afraid as far as photos dating from the fashions is concerned - they just do! But that is part of their charm. One person's dated is another's retro. My dress is horrifically dated 18 years down the line but I did feel like a princess back then and have nothing but wonderful memories of how I felt that day. Even if your wedding dress is age proof I can guarantee your guests' clothes won't be!

Above all though, be true to yourself and your personal style. Would you consider designing your own and have it made? It needn't cost the earth. I remember you said you study product design - is there a fashion design dept in your Uni? Could you maybe work with talented fashion student?

Ooh LaLa you have ooooodles of natural style - I just know that when you do choose your dress it'll be perfection! (No pressure ?)

x

First of all.. ? Thanks, but I wish that, that were true!

I shall try to befriend some fashion students, as I love the idea of having one made. I just would have to research what it is I exactly want first.

x