Loss of a friend during wedding planning *not even a rant, just a sob really*

Oh no, that's so sad. And she was so young too. My condolences.

My friend Catherine lost her father in law 3 weeks before her wedding. He died alone in a freak fishing accident on holiday. They went ahead with the wedding but it was very difficult.

Maybe you could have a think about how you can involve E in your day? I photographed a wedding at Christmas where one of the guests had passed away (from brain caner aged 21) and his friends had promised he would be there. He had a chair and a wreath and was part of their day.

Awww DeeBee - nothing useful I can really say, but just wanted to send hugs x

I also have nothing useful to offer except my heartfelt sympathy. Didn't want to just read and run. Thoughts and prayers are with you

xxx

Oh wow thats just awful and so sad. Sending prayers, hugs and thoughts your way.

Not much help really as I have been very fortunate never to have experienced this. Didnt want to read and run x

Thank you to you all, and especially for not reading and running. My OP feels really self indulgent cos am having a big fat wallow right now, but definitely want to include my special special friend in my day somewhere. Ironically in one of E's final Facebook posts she unleashed a 'speech' worthy of the Oscars asking people to send love and best wishes to all the people who had been there for her during her illness and included myself and my partner, saying that our impending wedding was a 'ray of light' during her most recent hospital admission and also making some very cheeky references to my dress (implying that it has safety pins and rubber bands!), which thankfully I had sent her photos of.

This is a horrible time and to be honest my heart is a little bit broken. OH has been amazing but I've reached the very angry bit of things which isn't making me a nice wife to be. Trying to think that I have to get through this for E's sake, and OH's and my own but feeling pretty rubbish right now.

Bless you. All I can think to add is that your OP seems to imply that you should feel this loss less because she isn't a family member. This was obviously a really significant relationship to you so please be kind to yourself and allow yourself the space to grieve. it is a big loss and has obviously come as a shock to you. The very fact that you are aware you are being 'a complete pain' to your OH indicated to me that you are very aware of your own behaviour and of your OH's too, so I doubt you are being as much of a pain as you think you are - you are still considering her even now in your grief.

With your wedding in November (and having noticed some of your other WP posts I think you can probably afford to take some time out from thinking weddings - if that's worrying you then delegate. And with time I'm sure you will find your own special way to make your friend a part of your day.

Thinking of you and sending hugs.

So sorry to hear that - so sad.

This blog post might help to give ideas (found it on a google search.)

Eight Ways to Remember a Deceased Loved One at Your Wedding

So sorry for your loss, such sad news ?

So sorry to hear your news, thinking of you x

Nothing really to add but didnt want to read and run. sorry to hear your sad news, time will help with things and she will want you to have an amazing wedding day. maybe raise a glass to her as part of the speech and play a favorite song in the night, you will know she is in your heart the whole time, also you can get the charms that go on your flowers you can put little pictures in to remeber your loved ones. Hope you find strength and heal soon x

Sorry for your loss.

So very sad. Of course it's hit you like a train. Even though she was poorly, she's still now gone from your life. You can never prepare for that. It's a little like us with my mum. We knew there was every likelihood my mum wouldn't make the wedding, she died in November and I was, and still am at times, devastates, but you have to plan as if the ones you love will be there then deal with the loss in the way only you can. It is terribly sad to lose someone at anytime, but when you're planning a celebration, at times it just seems so wrong to carry on. You have to give it time and then when you're ready pick it back up again. That time will come - promise. My OH lost his mum 10 years ago now, so we're having photo's of them obth in the venue. I'm going to have lockets on my bouquet and we'll light a candle for them both too.

Lots of hugs

x

Firstly I want to send you enormous hugs and give you my sincerest sympathy. Losing your friend at this stage of your planning is so very sad xx

I think the idea of remembering her on your day is lovely and will help you remember how much she wanted to be with you.

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you are ok but your friend can still be a part of your day why don't you have photos of you and her displayed on your wedding is there maybe a gift she had bought you, you could wear or tie in with the wedding? X

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's understandable to be upset, you'd be close friends for over half your life. You fiancé will understand that the pain of losing someone is what is causing your anger and will let you take it out on him for a while.

Take some time off wedding planning, you have enough time to. If your friend joked about your dressing being held together with elastic bands, maybe you could incorporate one somehow in her memory - and that would remind of her heartfelt message on Facebook.

Hugs on their way to you x

I am really sorry to hear about your friend passing away. It is great she got to see your dress and knew all about your wedding.

When my best friend got married last dinner then she had a locket in her bouquet containing a picture of her Mum who had passed away a couple of years before. I thought it was a lovely idea.

I'm really sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine to believe how difficult it must be for you, especially as she was so involved in your day.

I agree with others, maybe use this day to celebrate her life and your friendship, as well as you & your partner's nuptials. Maybe you could say a few words about her during the speeches, or if you feel too emotional, get someone else to speak your words for you.

Basically what I'm trying to say is I know you're overwhelmed with sadness right now, but this could be a great way to celebrate her life. I'm sure her family would like that.

Hiya all. Just wanted to say a belated thank you to all who responded to this thread with condolences and ideas. I spent last weekend following the funeral with E's sister and my friend Shaun (also one of my bridesmen), who made up our little gang back in our teens and although I'm obviously still upset about what has happened, the dealing process has begun. E's husband Alex has also (god knows why he'd even be thinking about it at a time a like this) accepted our invitation to the wedding, and her sister will be there too so it's nice to think that such key figures in her life will be there to celebrate with us. I've decided so incorporate a secret safety pin and elastic band into my dress for the day (under the many layers) and I think I will probably also reference E in my speech, probably quoting that last Facebook message about how delighted she was to live in a country where two girls can get married.

So yes, I am feeling a lot more positive than I was a week ago, and am grateful to all you ladies for your support and thoughts x