Maid of honor drama

My sister was a lot bigger a few months ago and always wore tights and it stopped her legs chaffing, could this be the issue? Maybe she thinks the shorter one flatters her more. She may be feelin really self aware as you BM is slimmer then herself.

Would it really matter if she wore the shorter one, as most MOH's wear a differnt style/colour, she could wear skin colour tights if you could talk her around to that.

I know with my MOH and BM it was paramount to me that they felt beautiful in their dresses and not self aware. Luckily their both around the same size so don't have eachother to compare to.

I don't think arguing about it is going to make the situation any better but I know sometimes tempers get flaired. Give it a day or so and ask her what style she would like and come to a compromise.

Could they perhaps find a long dress they both like? If she is desperate to wear tights, can't she wear nude coloured ones - so the best of both worlds?

Tell her black tights are a no-no, but you are willing to let her find a dress she would be happy to wear, and hopefully your BM will follow her lead?

HTH, good luck

Oh dear! Tell them to go out and find a long bridesmaid dress that they both like. That way it doesn't matter if she wears tights underneath.

Have you asked her what exactly she is concerned about in respect of showing her legs? I'm wondering whether she has a skin condition and is just being shy? I have eczema and sometimes my knees look pretty dodgy...

It's a bit odd not to want to wear a long dress because it's not formal enough but then to want to wear black tights. Bit of a contradiction in terms.

Keep calm. I'm sure you can resole the problem. Try and find a compromise that suits everyone. If shes not willing to budge you may have to tell her that you expect her to wear what you have chosen. She will then have to chose if she's ok with that.

Are you paying for the dresses?

Maybe she's just conscious of her legs - I used to never leave the house without thick black tights, even at this time of year. Now I'm so keen to show off my tattoos that I don't care anymore - not that I'm suggesting that as a solution! But I understand the feeling. If it's a chafing issue, cycling shorts underneath helps. If it's skin tone/condition, you could suggest body makeup or moisturiser with fake tan. But if it's size, you just gotta work with her to find a long dress. I know it seems like a pain, but if she's important enough to you for you to want her as MOH, you want her to be comfortable and happy.

Black tights on a bridesmaid???!!!............NO!!

Just wondering, why is she the one you chose to be MOH? And why not the BM?

I think you have been very nice and very accomodating to your MOH. Maybe it's about time you put your foot down. You are the bride and so you have final say. You choose the dress that they will wear and if she doesn't like it or won't wear it then no drama, no arguments, she doesn't have to wear it but can sit with the rest of the guests and not walk down the aisle. It's not about your MOH and what dress she likes, doesn't like. I take it you are paying?

See if she will wear nude coloured tights so it looks more natural, I don't understand why anyone would wear tights as a bridesmaid anyway!?

I have a watsapp group for me and my maids and WANT them to have input, and deffo dont want them in dresses they'd feel uncomfortable in. Luckily I've foundone they all love. HOWEVER, there has to be some give..... I had to wear a dark blue dress as a BM last yr, and I hate dark blue! But. its only a colour and I wasnt going to tell the Bride that I wasnt wearing her colours!! Its OK for the BMs to have some say and feel good, but its a whole other to behave liek that.

To clarify, she refuses to wear nude tights. So I cannot understand the obsession with black tights. She won't look for ANY long dress. I can't win.if I back down then my photos will not be what I want and I cannot pretend to be happy about it, my colours are purple and green not a hint of black.

she is my maid of honor as we have been friends since we were 3years old. However I really feel let down as she's done nothing but cause me issues with everything from hen do to this dress business. I'm feeling very disheartened and a bit lost. :-(

And just to add, I'm not saying they have to be identical, although I do prefer that but I don't want them to be so different. I am not a fan of the mismatched bridesmaids unless u have a larger party...I only have them 2.

Sorry I keep forgetting to answer people. Yes I am paying for the dresses....she had another hissy when I asked her to get her own shoes

Does she actually still WANT to be MOH or even BM for that matter? Perhaps this is her way of getting out of it?

Talk to her. In a calm & 'wanting to understand' way. Get back to why you wanted her to be your MOH in the first place, then maybe you can find a compromise. Unfortunately, until you get your friendship back on track, you stand no way of either of you winning & you may just end up completely falling out & losing a friend for good.

Sit her down and explain how you feel. Is this the first time she's bridesmaid?

I would explain that you want her to wear a long dress or no tights. She can chose which she prefers. You do not want black tights in your pictures. It is your wedding after all.

Put your foot down she sounds unreasonable.

Could you try to ask what her issue is? I'm not particularly large (size 12) but I hate my legs! I have horrible, dark veins around the tops of my calves and stretch marks on the backs of my knees, I never wear anything short unless it's with leggings or black tights, nude tights just don't cover them up, so if it's an issue like this I totally see where she is coming from. Also, as an old married, I really think once the wedding has been and gone, you'd look back and think 'wow, did I really care about that?' I know I've done that on various issues that I thought were very important at the time.

Try and get to the bottom of why she has to wear tights. If its because she is conscious of her legs, surely a long dress will be better. Tbh if one of my bridesmaids/MOH still refused to wear what I wanted her to wear, i would say fine dont be my MOH then! Jeez, anyone would have actually thought this was YOUR wedding! Lol

Have you asked the reason why she wants to cover her legs with black tights?

Sally Hansen airbrush legs is meant to be great - covers stretch marks & veins etc.. Might be useful depending on the issue.

So she is refusing to wear a long dress and will only wear a short dress and then will only wear the short dress with thick black tights? You must be very upset. Your oldest friend who you thought would be helpful and happy for you causing you the most stress. You know she is being unreasonable but sound like you don't want it to ruin your friendship.

There is clearly more to this than it being just about the dress. Is she single or bringing someone new to the wedding? Sounds like she wants to look pretty and in her own style on the day. Maybe she is feeling too under the spotlight as a bridesmaid? What is her usual style?

It might be time to say, I really want you at my wedding and to be happy. So if you won't be happy in a bridesmaid dress I would rather you were an unofficial MOH. You can wear what you like I will just buy you a corsage saying MOH?

I'm doing this for my two best friends who I knew would hate wearing bridesmaid dresses. They are both having their hair and make up done, wearing what they like and having corsages with MOH and CM on them. They won't walk down the aisle but I know who they are to me and they are on my wedding website as MOH and CM. I know they will both wear lovely evening dresses (I'm having a glamour theme) so I don't care if it's not in my 'colours'. I'm happy with this and so are they. If she is still not happy then maybe you need to consider the friendship further.

My moh is Indian. She was in an arranged marriage from 17 so didn't have the "traditional" wedding. I don't think she realises that things are not the same as when she got married. I'm very aware about how her culture is and how they do things in their weddings etc. she has always used my events to her advantage which I don't mind and I love her so much I let her get away with everything which infuriates people. I don't think she's doing this to be malicious....she is so happy that I'm getting married she's been talking about it for years but I don't think she is understanding that this time it really isn't about her. I know she wants to look pretty. I'm paying for her hair to be done on the day as well and my fiancé even commented that she's getting as much special treatment as I am!!! Lol

i just don't know. This is such a stupid thing. Getting upset over a dress! I'll leave it to cool down and try to talk to her again. Hopefully we can come to an agreement without me blowing my lid :/(

Excuse my ignorance - But is there perhaps a religious reason she wants to be covered?

@DdPunk, that wouldn't explain the refusal to wear a long dress, though.

It sounds like she's more bothered about what she wants than what you want. You've been more than understanding, but at the end of the day, it's an honour to be asked to be BM (let alone MoH!) and the Bride gets final say. The last time I was a BM I had to wear a hideous floral number that looked like it had been made out of curtains - but that's what the Bride wanted, so that was what I wore. Your wedding day isn't about her, it's about you. She may be your oldest friend, but if she can't understand that then maybe she just isn't MoH material? That's not a bad thing - some people just aren't suited to the role. I agree that the best way forward is to point out that it's your wedding so you want it to look a certain way, but you want her to be happy and feel comfortable - as she clearly won't feel comfortable dressed how you want your BMs to be dressed, maybe it would be better if she just attended as a guest. Then let her make her own decision.

I've heard of bridesmaid refusing to wear a short dress because they hate their legs and so choose a long dress, but never heard of one who dislikes her legs and instead opts for a short dress and tights. Have you asked for the exact reasons why she doesn't want to wear a long dress? It could be that she thinks she doesn't suit long dresses or that she will look frumpy in one.

You've said that you let her get away with everything. Could it be that she just stubbornly doesn't want to compromise because of this?

It sounds like there may be a few issues here that you may need to get to the bottom of, you could sit her down and explain how you feel etc, as I think if you compromise on this you won't be happy on the day. So there must be some middle ground. I'm a little harsh so feel like if she really doesn't think she will be comfortable consider asking her to do a reading instead then she can wear what she wants ( within reason) and still be part of the day. Its one day at the end of the day and once all pictures and ceremony is done, she can go and put her opaques on. To me there are a lot of things to think about as the bride/couple so she is coming off as a a little selfish and she needs to consider it from your perspective.

Thank you for all your replies. I will let u know what happens. I don't really know what I'm thinking

Good luck Liz and hope you find a solution to this.