Marriage pacts

Yeah, my former housemate and I had one of those. Not sure if we'd have done it - I think maybe. It wouldn't have been the worst thing.

Maybe one or 2 do it, but I suspect it's pretty unusual! Marriage at first sight, christ!

Sounds scary to me /:::

Why scary? It means you have someone to grow old with, share stuff with, you probably already get on well and have common interests, and if it's someone you've slept with and it was decent, so much the better. Marrying for love is great but sometimes life just doesn't work out that way, and you can grow to love someone.

The meeting for the first time at the altar though, THAT is scary.

ID, I hope you don't mind me saying this, becaue I mean no criticism by it, but I am really surprised to read you say that you think you mit have gone through with a marriage pact. There's just something about the way I've seen you describe marriage and your relationship on here that made me surprised to see you think that.

I'm not sure I ever could....but maybe I just never had a friendship strong enough, and as you say, theres a lot more to marriage than a romantic love.

I know that I would never do either (hopefully will have a long and successful marriage).

If I set a question of would I rather follow through with marriage pact or marriage at first sight. Marriage pact definitely. I think most people would agree with me as you would know and like the person even if you didn't think they were "the one". There might be chance of something developing, I guess. I certainly didn't think my husband was "the one" at the start.

I have heard of people jokingly make marriage pacts but not seriously. I absolutely don't know anyone who has followed through and actually got married. Plus if you did, would you be willing to admit that's why you were marrying? I am not sure a lot of people would.

Nope sorry, I'd rather be alone than marry someone I didn't love. I'm not scared of being alone, but being miserable in a loveless marriage - that's not a good place to be.

Ha! Well, I dunno. Maybe it's a bit 'anti-Hitched' to say I'd marry someone I wasn't in love with? I'm talking about someone I lived with for over five years and was very close to, though. Yes if we'd done it it wouldn't have been anything like my marriage now, but I think it would have been a good marriage in a lot of ways. I think people mainly make them when they are scared of never meeting someone, and once I got to about 35 and had been single for 5 years, I was definitely starting to feel that!

I don't know anyone who has done that. I thought it was something people joked about or was a plot in films / books?!

My best mate and I joked we would get married when we were thirty if we hadn't married someone else. He did get engaged first but sadly he died in a car crash. I still dream about him now - it's a recurring dream where hr turns up and goes 'Ahhh you fell for it, I'm not really dead. My Ex used to be really jealous of my relationship with my friend even though he had died before we had got together!

I kind of had one with my friend from the states. We've never been romantically involved at all and are nothing more than friends. But we said we'd get married if I wasn't when I was 30, I'd relocate to the states and start again over there! He doesn't have friends over there, he only really has me and he comes to visit every year. He's coming to the wedding next year and I'm so glad he is!

Also glad that I didn't have to invoke the pact and I found my fella.

Oh wow! that could be an interesting TV show.

I guess for some people it could work. It might not be very romantic but you wouldn't have a pact if you didn't get on very well anyway...

It would be a huge disservice to yourself and your 'friend' to follow through on a marriage pact. If it's for companionship then why not just shack up together and live together and continue being friends, what's the point in a marriage? What if you or the 'friend' met and fell in their with "the one" following the marriage?

Ha, I totally had this pact with my best friend in school. We don't even see each other now though, so definitely couldn't go through with it!

The commitment - you would know that person was committed to being there for you. I don't know about the falling in love with someone else bit. We had said we'd do it when I was 40, so when I started seeing my H we were still three years away from considering it as a real thing. Maybe when we seriously looked at those issues we'd have decided against it, I dunno.

Why would it necessarily have to be a 'disservice' SW? The friend knows what he/she's getting. Seems like everyone is on the same page. If both parties are happy with the arrangement I cannot see what is wrong with it.

I do believe that friendship can develop into something much deeper. the parents of a friend of mine had an arranged marriage and they are an amazing couple. They openly admit that love came after they were married and at first it was more of a friendship. There is absolutely no doubting they are deeply in love and whilst their manner of meeting and initial marriage seems 'wrong' to us, surely it's the end result that matters...

I don't think this can work for everyone, but there might be the odd situation where it does work. Each to their own methinks...

It's settling. You're basically saying to one another "If we don't find anyone we want to marry by X, then we'll just marry one another."

That's exactly what it is. But if everyone knows that's what it is and is okay with it, why is that a problem?

I can't see how that's a problem if both people know what they are doing and have really thought about the consequences (e.g. finding someone else later on).

It's not something I would do personally, but I can't see how it's a problem. So many people get married for money or status. Why is getting married for companionship and commitment worse?