Married v Not Married random ponderings....

MrCrookshanks and I had been in a 8-year relationship when we married. Racking my brain, I'm very sure I never referred to him as my husband or even other half or anything like that before marrying. To me, he's always MrCrookshanks and I do not feel the need to put a label on our relationship. If asked directly, I said he was my partner, which I guess he was. Maybe. Even now, it's hard to refer to him as husband even though he is now my husband! ?

Without making judgements or anything like that, to some people 8 years may have been quite a short time but to others, perhaps from different backgrounds or different generation, it's far too long and, say something like 2 years is long enough to decide whether to marry or not. Many of my relations married after less than a year, so to them my relationship with MrCK was a puzzle and they couldn't understand why I was happy to go so long.

Yes that's a good point I forgot to add. When I said we'd been together 5 years they were suprised and said I should make him get a move on, or words to that effect, wrongly assuming it was MrHB being the 'reluctant' partner. Maybe I should have just told them the truth that when we met I was already married to someone else. Don't think that would have gone down too well ?

Hmm, well people often refer to Mr Foo as my husband (if they don't know us, so e.g. at playgroup somoeone asked me what my husband does for a living). I don't bother correcting them because it's not relevant, but I never refer to him as my husband myself. Maybe the people you know are just using it for ease? I don't know.

We've been together 9 years, have a 1 year old and won't be getting married. We don't get any comments about it, I suppose people have given up hope. ?

I've called MrSC's family the in-laws for years, long before we were married. It was like shorthand - people knew what I meant, it was easier than saying 'N's family' and also described the fact that I had a relationship with them too. I find it really odd that this annoys you to be honest.

I do think calling someone your husband before you're married is a bit strange, but again, each to their own. If salespeople rang up asking for Mrs H before we were married, I wouldn't correct them, it was easier not to.

Why?? ? I use this all the time, it's just easier. I really don't get why it would annoy you.

I got married quite quickly in some peoples eyes (engaged after 7 months, married about 18 months after that) but I don't really think it's odd when others aren't married after x amount of years.

A girl I grew up got together with a guy in our class at the end of year 11 (at 16) we are now 24, and I was a bit surprised when I found out they weren't engaged/getting married, but that was just because of hwo quickly I got married, but I realise that it is different for everyone, and some people don't see marriage the same way etc

I agree if other people you don't know refer to MrHB as my husband I wouldn't correct them, but I would never refer to him as 'husband' myself.

I don't know why the people I have noticed doing it, do it. One was doing it so much (about her daughter who'd recently split up with her long term partner) that I had to check they weren't married and that I'd missed something?! Oh no she says they weren't married!! She was also refferring to her daughters partners parents as her daughters in laws! It's people I would class as friends so not just people I see in passing iyswim when you could understand them doing it for ease? Just find it odd.

I call my partners dad - FIL and his sister - SIL (they refer to me as DILand SIL also) We are due to marry in May but I find it easier to use the IL bit.

If someone rings and calls me Mrs XXX then I don't bother correcting them, I refer to my partner as partner or OH (altho on here I have used Mr Sherry because when some Hitchers have refered to him they have done the same - so I did too, so not to confuse)

Out of interest, what do you call your OH when you're not married? I hate refering to someone's 'boyfriend' when they have been together 10+ years and have 2 children etc - it seems so teenage. 'Partner' always sounds a bit too business-like to me. 'Other Half' sounds like you've wandered off the set of "Minder' or something.......so what do you use?

When I got married, I was slightly relieved that I could simply call H my husband and everyone knew what I meant!

Sorry not really the point of the OP.

On the same theme, I've noticed a number of times in the media that Brad Pitt has been referred to as Angelina's husband - have I missed something? Did they get married and nobody told me?!

I think in the Forces quite often people do get married quicker than non-Forces people for the simple reasons of being entitled to married quarters, able to live-out etc (unless this has changed since I left 10+ years ago)

I can also kind of understand why someone would describe an ex-long term partner as their husband rather than just boyfriend as it indicates more the level of distress / upset they have possibly felt.

I never know what to call Mr HB - 'boyfriend' sounds a bit childish, partner sounds a bit same-sex couple, 'other half' or even worse 'better half' sound a bit twee like "they complete you or make you whole" somehow ?

I don't know if Brad and Angelina are married or not to be honest?

I am not married to Mr Liz, and probably won't be any time soon. I call his parents 'the outlaws'. However, my brother is getting married next summer and I call his gf a sister-ib-law even though she's not yet, so I have some kind of double standard going on.

I never referred to my H as my husband before we were married, but I did refer to his family as in-laws before that - and referred to his nieces and nephews as my nieces and nephews.

Before we were married he was either my boyfriend or my partner - I dont really like the word fiance so never used that once we were engaged.

I must admit I do say partner a lot of the time but mainly because I don't know what to say. Boyfriend makes me feel like i'm 17 again ?

ISO: involved, significant other.

I know somebody who's been with his partner for 23 years, and they've not been married. It's not something really understand TBH. If they've been together that long - surely they'll know if they want to stay together or not ! ?

What really annoys me is the 'I'm as good as married' argument from people who have been with their ISOs for a long time. Uh, no. You may have been together longer than some people have been married: nobody doubts your commitment. However, if you haven't had signed on the dotted line and made that legal commitment - then honey, you aint married. If that makes me a snob, so be it.

We got married after 8 years, before then he was by boyfriend for 2 years then fiance for the remaing 6. After referring to him as my fiance for 6 years I can not get used to calling him my husband and he is the same with me as his wife.

For years though people who didn't know we were married ofter reffered to me as his wife or Mrs D to my face and I always answered and never corrected them because in my eyes I was as good as a wife to him.

I personally would never have referred to him as my H before getting married though I did refer to his family as the IL because it was easier.

I would never have referred to Mr Caterpillar as my husband before we got married, that would have been really odd! I referred to him as my fiance or boyfriend. I remember a strange girl I once met at a conference having a go at me because I referred to "my boyfriend" and she said "you're not a teenager - you should say my partner". I don't like "partner" as like someone else said above, I think it sounds a bit "same sex couple".

I also have trouble knowing how to refer to MiL's um... male friend? He's not Step FiL as they're not married, I guess they are "dating" if you like, but I can't call him her "boyfriend", they're about 65 years old! (and "partner" just seems to imply... wibble... sleeping together and stuff...)

We've been married 2 and a half years and I still refer to H as my boyfriend when in conversation with friends/family. In formal situations I tend to remember he's my husband.

Before we were married we used say we were when dealing with bills and household type stuff as it was easier. To be honest, I still call my in-laws 'H's parents' rather than 'my in-laws' - not really sure why but probably because they are more his than mine.

We were together nearly 9 years before we finally got married and no, I would never have referred to him as my husband before we were married.

As for an ex-partner, thats what I call them too!

I have pretended to be OH's wife when the occasion arose (I needed to call people I didn't know and make excuses for him!). Always refer to his family as my in-laws as it's easier to explain. My mum and her guy were together a long time, but never married, I would explain to people he was my step-dad, cos he was, but we had a special nickname for him which we used when together. I think he calls me 'the wife' lol, but only in jest. I can't remember really describing him as anything other than his actual name and people just kind of seem to understand. I think it more comes down to how you feel you are connected to others, I never described my ex's parents as my inlaws, and i only really ever say my 'ex', no more (or something incredibly uncomplimentary lol). Wierd that now I come to think on it.....