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Zebedee
Beginner August 2002

Medical people / End Stage Cancer - SENS

Zebedee, 25 February, 2009 at 20:24

Posted on Off Topic Posts 44

My mum and I have been to a meeting today with my dad's oncologist where she advised us that they won't offer him any more treatment, but will obviously manage his pain. She's loathe to give a timescale, but suggested that he only has a few weeks left. She also said she would talk to my dad this...

My mum and I have been to a meeting today with my dad's oncologist where she advised us that they won't offer him any more treatment, but will obviously manage his pain. She's loathe to give a timescale, but suggested that he only has a few weeks left. She also said she would talk to my dad this afternoon and make him aware of the situation (he's been in hospital for a week and on Morphine). Until today Dad's been very "positive" talking about when he gets home etc... Both she and the nurse who has been looking after Dad said that they think he's aware of the prognosis.

Mum and I were with Dad this evening when the oncologist came to see him, and although she talked about him coming home, she didn't mention that there would be no more treatment. After she'd left Dad's making all these plans for the future - when he's better, regained his strength, and said that after his next dose of chemo he'll be much better... I spoke to his nurse privately who said he'd try to talk to Dad this evening and see if he is aware, because both Mum and I felt that we are effectively "lying" to him.

Since I've got home and talked to my husband, I'm now wondering if he does know, but is just completely in denial about it. He could be trying to "protect" Mum (and me) as well. And if he is in denial, how the hell do we play this? My mum's been in tears thinking she's lying to him.

So those with medical backgrounds - how likely is it that this is denial rather than the medical team haven't spelled it out to him. My dad's not a stupid man, and TBH I really think that if he isn't aware, then he would want to be.

The other (relatively) minor issue is that he keeps trying to pinch stuff from the hospital - he's given my mum a roll of tape to "take home" as well as trying to get her to fit half a dozen hospital towels in her handbag (she said she couldn't fit them in, and we left them there!). This isn't really my dad either - he might have had the odd bottle of shampoo from a hotel, but that was his limit! Is this "normal"?

44 replies

  • *ginni of the lamp*
    *ginni of the lamp* ·
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    So sorry Zebedee. My thoughts are with you all ?

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  • Crookshanks
    Beginner September 2007
    Crookshanks ·
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    Zebedee, I'm so sorry for your dreadful news.

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  • Zoay
    Beginner September 2013
    Zoay ·
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    So sorry to hear this Zebedee. ?

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  • Fallen Angel
    Fallen Angel ·
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    I am so sorry for your loss Zebedee. You and your family are in my thoughts. Much love to you all

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  • Consuela Banana Hammock
    Consuela Banana Hammock ·
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    Thinking of you Zebedee. ?

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  • GMT
    Beginner December 2008
    GMT ·
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    Zebedee, I am so sorry to hear your news. I am glad that you and your family were able to see him before, and to be with him when it mattered. I hope that gives you comfort in the coming days and weeks.

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  • SophieM
    SophieM ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. ?

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  • pigalicious
    pigalicious ·
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    ? I am sorry to hear of your loss, it's a difficult time for anyone to go through.

    I lost my Dad to adrenal cancer this time last year, it was or 1 year anniversary last Thursday and I'm still heartbroken that he's no longer here. He too was very confused at the end and had some amazing hallucinations due to the high doses of morpheine but they have become part of the special memories we have of him and we do actually laugh at some of the things he said.

    My Dad too was fiercly proud, independant and stubborn, it must be so hard for them to knowingly give up and allow others to care for them. But that's what makes them special, that right until the end they are still thinking of others before their own pain, how amazing is that?

    ? for you and your family.

    Pig xxx

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  • pinkjay
    Beginner October 2007
    pinkjay ·
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    Im really sorry to hear this Zebedee ? If you ever want to chat or anything just give me a shout, I know what it is like at the moment unfortunately, I lost my mummy last Nov to cancer too.

    ?

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