men = stress

Would you then be stuck with those numbers

I would just take his list and add the other family members you think should get an invite and done with. If that means it exceeds numbers and not so many random strangers can come lol then say ok your side has exceeded numbers by x amount so you need to decide who you are knocking off.

Men can be useless. I agree. Once all those strangers have been invited it will be hard to uninvite for family he wants to add on so do it now I reckon. Sort of ok your family and my family come to this amount. Plus joint close friends takes up to this so you can invite half of what's left.

You should just go through it with him now and say 'it looks like you've forgotten X, Y & Z.' I wrote our guest list for both sides. We've been together long enough that I know which of his family to invite, i.e. the ones we see at other family functions. I only double checked with OH about a few of his less-close friends, whether they were getting day or evening invites.

We dont really have many 'joint' friends ☹️ his friends grew up together and have a very tight nittness almost like a pack and dont accept new people into the group well, we have been together 8 years and im still on the cusp of being accepted where as my friends are more the kind that accept anyone and everyone with a more the merrier attitude - I imagine its going to be awkward as my friends wont be able to understand why his friends arent interested in them and will probably end up 'bugging' them as a result by trying to include them when they want to do their own thing ?

we split the list in half... 8 tables so 4 each and because I dont think mixing or matchings going to work well and my parents and his parents dont get along

I would just write it for him but I dont want to be seen as forcefull or controling when it comes to his family and friends ☹️

WOW the more I think about it the more stressed im getting

Still no point in you getting stressed about it. If that's how you're doing it, then just give him his 4 tables (of 8/10 I presume?) and it's up to him to fill them as he sees fit. But if he realises he's missed out important family members later down the line, then that's for him to sort.

I agree that men are useless!

Maybe he hasn't thought about the difference between ceremony and reception guests? We've basically only got family and a few close friends for the ceremony, but everyone and anyone is coming to the reception

So his cousins could be invited to the whole day, but his ex workmates only to the evening?

Ive tried that, he planning on inviting his current workmates to the evening (where the numbers are much higher) but I think hes expecting some big party reunion with friends he hasnt seen much like you would at a birthday party ? its not like he will be hanging out with them during ceremony or the breakfast we will be at a different table ?

and the 'night' time event will be from 5pm till late so plenty of time to hang out then but when I mention it he just go 'so I CAN'T invite who I want then' like its some kind of game

Hmm

I think you might need to do what Jayne E has suggested and add his family to the numbers and maybe he'll realise then that he's being too stubborn?

My FI would rather invite his friends than his family, but he has at least acknowledged that he can't really do that maybe start doing a seating chart and he can see that his ex workmates won't know anyone else, won't be close to you etc. and he won't really see them?

Good luck! X

Ok how about making a list of all the family he has left off. Then say you can absolutely invite who you want BUT you are currently not inviting these. Is that an oversight? If you chose to invite workmates you haven't seen in ages and who won't know anyone then we can't change it afterwards so I just wanted to be sure that's what you want. If he says that's absolutely what he wants then he has to tell the family not you and you smile and say that's fine as it's his choice. Then don't stress lol.

And I wouldn't send invites etc to any of those friends until family have had theirs and he's had a chance to change his mind. Yes I am that sneaky!

Do it for him.

Seriously. I asked my H to do a list and he said 'I only want my Dad there' I asked again and he gave me a couple of other names of who he thought 'should 'be there. In the end I wrote his list for him and said that he could take anyone off the list that he liked if I'd got it wrong, but that the list was to capacity, so he couldn't add anyone without bumping someone else.

That got him thinking about who he really wanted there.....and who he didn't!

Men do think we plan things for the wedding way too far in advance! My OH was adding to his evening guest list the day the final numbers had to be with the venue!! I would leave it with him for now, if he is anything like my OH the more I go on the less interested he was in the wedding and the more he dug his heals in. I would add the family that you think he has forgotten onto the list as then you have them included in Engagement and hen stag do plans but don't send save the dates to the family members he doesn't have on the list or the old work mates, That way you have a few extra months for it to sit with him and he can change his mind. If not he will have to explain to his family why some of them are only coming to the evening. TBH his old work friends will most probably not want to come to the full day but be more than happy to be there for the evening.

Urg... he's still as bad

I mentioned last night (while trying to do an evening list) a friend he had missed off the day list who we see regularly, to which he replied 'well, we will have to invite the partner too' and im like 'why, we dont know any of these partners?' and he INSISTED we cant invite people without inviting their boyfriend/girlfriends ?

however he has gone to most of their weddings, christening, birthday parties, stag do and out of all of them I was only invited once and it was because they had a last minute drop out and I was only told the day before I could come ?

I dont get why he thinks its absoloutly fine for them not to invite me to any of their events but yet NOT fine for us to do the same to their partners that we dont even know (some of them go through a girlfriend ever year or so hardly's lifelong partners and we are lucky if we see them once per year let alone who their with at the time)

seriously our guest list has a tonne of +1 markings because we dont even know the partners name to list them by name ?

think im going to give him till january to figure it out because we will do the engagement party next year (get xmas out the way first) but im a very stress-y person so its just going to be bugging me till then

guess I just need to rant ?

I agree with your OH in the fact that I would always invite long-term partners even if I don't know them that well personally. BUT if my OH's friends regularly didn't invite me to events then there's no way they'd be getting any invitation from me.

Oh my God what a nightmare!

We are only awarding +1s to people who are in long term relationships and if we know the partner.

We have 2 potential +1s but we've not fully decided. One would be for the (maybe) Best Man if my fiancé EVER picks one (who will probably bring his sister, bless him) and the other would be for one of his close friends. That's it out of 50 people!

If you weren't invited to their stuff, despite being a long term partner, I probably wouldn't give +1s either. Fine for the evening do, but not the ceremony!

At this point I'd tell him you might have to cut him from the Wedding! Lol ?

haha, it would make planning a lot easier but I might look nuts on the day stand there by myself ?

Exactly what we are doing, bang on 6 month mark, if you are single or in a relationship and we haven't met them, sorry but not coming, although I've had to make an exception for a relative and one of my bm's, even though she has a bf who've I've met, and they're moving in together, it's a bit too serious however to take him as her date! So she's bringing her sister.

I would in seriousness though, do make room for his family - or leave it for now, and be totally quiet on it, mention flowers etc, and over Christmas causally mention how your cousins are coming to the wedding, and wait for his mum to pounce - doesn't matter how old you are, you never want an angry mum!

Not taking her live in BF as a date? How odd! Then again, her sister will probably have more fun haha

I love the idea of getting his Mum involved, you should definitely do that Sorbet!

Oh yeah her and her sister will have a great time, but does make me laugh that moving in together is serious, but taking him to a wedding - bit too serious.