MIL to be from HELL - very very long rant!!!!!!!

Sounds like she's attention seeking big time, maybe she feels a bit sad , angry ie wedding plans everyone's happy reminds her of her marriage and how it didn't work, sounds very picky, i'm always cleaning or doing something in my house even when people are here (on busy days) imagine what she'd think of me lol

i don't think you were being rude, just sounds like she's really attention seeking

Good luck !!

Sounds like a nightmare.

Like it or not, your OH is the one who needs to sort it out, telling his mother in no uncertain terms that she cannot treat you like that. If he sides with his mother, this will never end.

I totally understand how you are feeling. My MIL2B and two sister in laws hit us with similar rubbish 3 days before new year and it has ended up with none of H2Bs family coming to the wedding.

It all kicked off two days before xmas, my dad passed away in May and i was having my mum, my aunt, her son and wife and grandkids for xmas dinner and h2bs family were invited too but declined the invite 3 weeks before xmas, so i go ahead and order the food etc only to get a phone call two days before xmas to say that they were coming up for dinner afterall which really annoyed me but i bit my tongue and got on with it.

Xmas eve arrived and h2b picked them up and low and behold the sil brought her devil dog with her that chews everything it can get its paws on, now i have a wee dog of my own. anyway to cut a long story short his family sat and watched tv in one room, never mixed with my family except to have dinner then went away back to the other room. I spent all night running back and forth making sure that there was nothing they were needing and that their glasses were kept full. They finally went home the day after boxing day.

Next thing i knew was that his sisters were txtn h2b telling him how unwelcome they felt and that i was an ignorant *** etc so it all blew up and then his mother phoned telling me that i was no good for her son, would never make him happy and would never be part of the family to which i replied "well thats your opinion". H2b had a massive row with his mum and she informed him that none of his family would be attending our wedding and since she was paying for the reception she had called the hotel and cancelled it.

We are now having to start from scratch with 5 months to go, but i tell you hell will freeze over before i ever speak to any of them again. So i totally understand how you are feeling?

I know my OH 'owes' his mother alot - to be blunt his dad was useless & his mother did absolutely everything for him. And I do believe she feels like this - but because its in her own head, not because Ive done anything wrong!

I told OH she is looking for a pity party which didnt go down too well - but i mean it! You make your own life, no one else is responsible for it & she didnt have to stay with OH dad as long as she did - she could have moved on & met someone else!

She retired in Sept & I think she is bored as well - but again not my problem!

OH says its different generations & I said its not your mothers place to tell me whats right or wrong, the less said the less there is to mend & sometimes, for EVERYONES sakes you should keep things to yourself occassionally. I know he really will have a word with her - he HATES arguments - but it'll not be saying all the things I'd like to say! lol

Im gutted to be honest - Im so glad other people dont think ive done wrong & that there are other nightmare MILs about! Though to not pay for reception is serisouly harsh!

Some people seem to relish in drama! Im not one of them!

Yeesh, and I thought MY mil2b was hard work! You guys have just made me appreciate her a lot more, albeit from a safe distance ;-)

I'm sorry you're having such a horrid time with your respective in-laws. Weddings really do bring out the worst in some people!

Gods I am sorry for you all. Mine can be a bit overbearing but I do love her in the end.

What do your H2Bs have to say about it all?! If I have a problem with MIL2B I force OH to tell her!

My H2B didnt miss her and hit the wall. As far as he is concerned he wants nothing more to do with her, but i dont want anything more to do with her or his sisters but i dont want him washing his hands of her, after all it is his mum. Its just one huge mess☹️

I feel for you and know what you are going through. My OH doesn't speak to his parents since they came to stay with us last summer, 3 weeks accomodating them in our house as they live abroad (which is fine) but my birthday happened to fall over one of the weekends.. No card from them (which I was a little miffed about) then we went for dinner and his mum verbally attacked me, I am not by any means arguementative but when someone is blaming 'your generation' for the problems in todays society you get to the point of snapping. I did manage to stop before I totally lost it but needless to say they left the next morning, I did applogise and eat humble pie for the sake of my OH.. Some other things happened and my OH fell out with them big time shortly after.. We then got engaged (which they don't know about) he turned 40 this September (he is an only child) no card no call nothing!

I have said numerous times to my OH please think this through, they are your family he is adamt non of his family will be invited to our wedding which is in May this year!

Good luck I hope his mother who seems to have totally over reacted. What does she expect you to stand and curtsey as she enters the house?!!!

?

Im the first to admit that I am a total clean freak - like as soon as dinner would be over I'll wash dishes straight away, if the mat in the living room is dirty I'll get the hand held brush & clean it up - thats just me! I like knowing everything is done & then i can relax & entertain.

If it had of been a pre-arranged visit I would then 'prepare' and make sure everything that needed done was done & then I could relax - but this was a spur of the moment thing.

I think lynnie-peepes quite often during unannounced visits Im probably doing something for part of the visit - because I really am a busy person - but I wouldnt just go upstairs & not speak or anything! Which is what she is trying to make out.

She is just being over sensitive - she keeps saying I've never hounded your door & never will & I was like who said you were / have? She has a lot of issues in her head which are completely unfounded!

Im a very straight, no bullsh*t type of person and to be honest I cant stand self centred people who think the world should revolve around them - and to me she is one of them. I just dont know how Im gonna to hide my contempt next time we cross paths!

I feel so sorry for my OH cause I know we are both the most important ladies in his world - which is why i think she has just gone about this totally the wrong way.

My parents think she is trying to stir because my parents are sitting together at the top table so that means she is sitting with her Ex. OH dad. She moved out less than a year ago & they hadnt been together for many yrs previous - they co-existed for my OH sake. So my parents think she is stirring so everyone pities her & thinks my family are awful for her having to sit beside him. She lived with him for long enough, it is only one meal & at the end of the day my parents are paying for it & if they want to sit beside each other they will - they are not responsible for her relationship with OH dad.

But if she thought she had anything to gain out of this she is very very wrong - i dread to think what the next few months will bring.

Exactly WSS! Your OH needs to be having the conversation with her, not you. She's his mother.

Wow sounds to me like another attention seeking MIL i've been dealing with one for 5 years now, mine decided to tell me what she thought of me after getting drunk at my first sons christening, i wasn't good enough blah blah etc at the time i was really upset, she said sorry and asked for a clean slate which i gave her but told my fiance i wasn't convinced, i wasn't wrong as she found a new fella, completly blanked us and our son for the next 10 months, and when i gave birth to our second she phoned crying saying how dare she not be first to know i'd given birth. My 2nd son was taken ill and in hospital at 3 weeks old and when fiance asked her to visit she said she would, but fears she may punch him in the face as they had not been getting on, basically shes a drunk attention seeking weirdo and has a strained relationship with both her sons. I do however get along with every other member of his family and they all know what his mother is like, she has been invited but shall not be playing any roll in the wedding and if she kicks off i will be kicking her out lol! I hope things work out for you and your mil realises how silly shes being.

What a nightmare! I can completely feel for you as for 5 years when I was with my ex I had huge problems with his mum. She wouldn't stay under the same roof as me for longer than 2 mintues, wouldn't look at me, wouldn't even say hello to me & I was not involved in any family parties etc as she hated me so much. This all stemmed from her opening her mouth & saying something she shouldn't have done after me & my ex had had an argument & to this day I can't even remember what it was that she said which shows how over sensitive she was being! My bug bear with my ex was that I felt he should have had a word with his mum about her behaviour & eventually it was because he wouldn't get her to at least be polite to me that drove us apart.

Having been through what I went through with my ex & his mum, I would strongly suggest that you ask your OH to try too smooth things over - anything you try to do yourself may well backfire without your OH to support you. I would also suggest that if your FMIL wants your undivided attention that she calls before she pops round to your house to check that it is convenient for you both.

Thanks to you all for wisdom & advice - its much appreciated.

Im still dumbstruck at how she attacked me! But all the family know that she is huffy & over sensitive so im hoping whoever she has told this too remembers that! I just cant believe after 3 yrs together now she decides to stick her orr in & be a total ginny!

I told OH at lunch time that he needs to have a serious word with her - even if she does fall out / huff with him for a few days. She needs told she cannot start rows like that & that she cannot talk to me like that. I know he will have a word but at same time I kno whatever she says back he'll probably jsut nod his head - he really is a big softie. But i dont think he really understands how serious this is. My mum actually asked was she trying to split us up.

All i know is I'll ba avoiding her until ive calmed down, when i next see i'll behave according to how she is with me & if I feel im being 'nipped' in anyway I will not be responsible for what comes out of mouth.

Part of me wishes I'd just let her go when she got up saying 'this cant be fixed' because at the end of the day she started it, i contacted her to sort it & she would have been the one to walk away without trying. But it would have ate at me - though its still eating at me! I really just want to shake her & tell her to grow up! She expects the world to revolve around her.

Her & her sisters fall out all the time & i said to OH that I am not blood & she will not get on with me like that & expect it all to be sweeped under the carpet when it suits HER. Ive made it clear if she does this to me again I will cut her dead out of my life - not fair on OH but all the more encouragement to him to be firm with her. He is an only child & she should be thinking about the future, grandchildren etc, not about HER.

I totally understand how you feel! I had my first experience of this last night and spend more than 2hrs crying over it (first arguement with my fiance too). Though my MIL2B was more childish about it and said it through my fiance instead - so he came home last night and asked me (with his arms folded) "Do you have a problem with my mum?". I was shocked and asked where that had come from and he said she phoned him and said she feels I don't want to involve her. I've let her see all my possible dress choices, narrow it down, bridesmaid dresses, boquets, hair, guest lists all sorts and thought we got on quite well (!) - she says it is because I didn't talk about wedding things with her at a meal out at the weekend (when she had all her friends & their partners there and it wasn't a place where you could move seats easily to chat, so me and fiance and his brother were sat at opposite end of a long table) and that I didn't want more than one glass of wine (with that being 3 points on my WeightWatchers plan I could only allow myself one). I am now feeling that I do want to leave her out if she is going to be like this. And with her doing this last night, through my fiance and not even speaking to me about this, I am going to feel very uncomfortable seeing her again.

I guess the mothers do suddenly realise that they aren't going to be the main woman in their son's life anymore, but they do really need to grow up and just be happy for their son's. Was quite disappointed in my fiance acting the way he did and more or less taking her side - I said to him that he knows me and would know if I had a problem with someone (even if it is family). Would've been nice if he had approached this in a different way - my eyes have hurt all day from the crying last night.

I am really sorry that you some of your have MIL2b from hell but remember you can nominate them in the hitched awards later in the year

A lot of people have this problem, sadly.

It's also particularly hard for ladies when the guys say dumb things like "my mum wouldn't have done it that way" without thinking quite how dumb it is...

Totally agree. It is for OH to stick up for you on this and sort her out.

I feel so sorry for you - sounds like you have included her in plenty & that she is being over sensitive - and I totally agree, like my MIL to be she has gone totally the wrong way about resolving anything (something that is HER problem & NOT YOURS) - Mountains over of moehills + just plain bitchiness!

Ive cried too - im still in shock & Im sure you are too.

If my OH took that attitude to me i'd serve his dinner on his head! Have you really never had an argument before? Poor you, so many things to deal with at once...

I think your OH should know better to be honest - he should recognise that you have included her & that you are doin WW to feel confident on your big day - so what if you only take a glass of wine? No one should judge you - let alone his mother - she must accept that he CHOSE you + its irrelevant what she thinks.

What a smack in the mouth to you - after thinking you's had been getting on well!

Im not typing very logically here at all!

You sound upset - and coming from someone who knows what its like all I can say is - try not to let it eat at you. SHE has the problem - unfounded by the sounds of things - and your OH needs to see this & point this out - cause its for him she'll shut her mouth - not you.

I tried to speak with her face to face & felt humiliated & embarrassed - as much as we left it on good terms & 'its a new year' Ive totally changed my mind after having time to think about how she thinks of me & how she could treat ME like that in my own home. So while I thought & in my heart I was doin right, 2 women sitting down rationally & calmly to sort the issue out (after ranting & raving at my OH) it didnt go to plan & she devoured me. And you sound sweet & nice so I dont advise you going down this route!

Time is a great healer - my OH is going to speak with his mum on Friday when they go on their weekly town trip together. He asked if she apologised would I move on - I said NO. The fact that a women that age, who should have more sense, threw the dummie out of the pram & stamped her feet - creating aggravation & basically a family feud so close to her precious sons wedding astonishes me. all these 'problems' are figments of her imagination - and aonly she alone can change that.

So my advice - keep your distance until YOU feel better & not so hurt. And when u finally do - keep your distance - be polite, pleasant & give her nothing to talk about you on. Or you could go down the route I feel like doing right now - giving her plenty to talk about & make sure its all true! Better to be hung for sheep than a lamb. But i know that will only cause more havoc & upset in the long run - but she started it! So I havnt really made up my mind about my next move except distance & quietness! lol

Have you spoke to your parents? How do they feel? Mine are ballastic & say if they see her ever again it'll be too soon - then she'll be all 'poor me, all that family is nasty to me' But there are actions to her consequences & should anyone challenge me or my parents it'll get very very ugly!