MIL2B causing problems. Advice please?

Oh dear I fully sympathise I have a horrible MIL2B who’s totally against us marrying at all so I’m just having nothing to do with her. Do you have to see her? Can you just stop going round and let your OH go round if he has to on his own? That’s what I do. Mind you I never went round before the wedding plans either but only coz she never invited me! I’ve told my OH hes not to tell her how much anything is costing as she will assume I am making him pay for everything when in reality I’ll be paying for most of it as I have savings! Grrr who needs nasty people in their lives? Not me!

Is it a general moan of how much the wedding must be costing as you seem/appear to be having a very grand affair, or is it because you're telling her how much everything is costing?

If you are telling her the costs - why??? Even before she had chance to moan, why would you tell anyone how much things are costing if they have no reason to know because they aren't contributing? I think it's one thing to say to parents that it's £50/£100/whatever amount per head per day guest, but i don't really see how or why she would know the costs as it's none of her business. I'd refuse to tell her anymore and ask your h2b to have a quiet word next time she mentions anything. If she feels that she's embarrasing herself, then she may think twice. Either she's worried your overstretching yourselves when it's the marriage that's more important that splashing out on a party (she's done it on the cheap herself and enjoyed it so maybe she feels inclined to let you know that you don't need to spend the earth), she's jealous, or she's upset that she's never had the money to spend that you 2 have.

As for her parents - can you contact them yourselves? Put it to them again that the offer of transport is there, if they wish to take up the offer then they are most welcome, but that if they have a particular problem with attending your wedding then fine.

To be totally honest, i wouldn't worry too much about what she's saying to other people - chances are they know what she's like (and take it with a pinch of salt!) or can make up there own mind over what she's saying and what happens on the day. I wouldn't lose any more sleep over it, just remember that it's yourselves that you have to justify the cost of the wedding to, not her. And if you are happy with your arrangements and costs, then just leave her to get on with it!

I'd be blunt and tell she's not paying for it so back off! I agree weddings are stupidly expensive, but if it's not her money how can she complain? I'd stop telling her how much things cost too, or make up random amounts so she never knows if you're giving her the real story.

WSS

Wow, thanks for your replies. It helps a lot to know other people have similar problems. Tizmelou sorry to hear about your OH's mother. As for not going round, that's not really an option as she comes to our house uninvited and bursts through the front door without even knocking first whenever she's passing (but that's a whole different story!)

I've never told her what anything costs, as I don't really like to discuss it, so she just assumes it is a lot (I haven't even told my own parents). I don't think she actually knows any figures, so she possibly thinks it's costing a lot more than it is. Whatever I tell her will be too much to her so I think I'll just start saying "it's costing enough" when she asks, although a nasty part of me is thinking about doubling the price then telling her that figure. ha ha.

If I were to be blunt, I'm not sure H2B would appreciate it, although I'd love to tell her to shut it.

I hope she's not jealous about it because her wedding was lovely but would not be something I would like to have as we have different tastes and I don't have many other expenses so can afford to push the boat out a bit more. Each to their own.

Anyway, thanks for your input. I think I will have to ignore her complaining to others and if she does anything directly to me to just refuse to tell her how much I am spending.

I suppose she could be worried about us overstretching ourselves, although that worry really should be left to me. PErhaps I could say "don't worry we can afford it" next time she asks a price.

As for her parents, I like the suggestion to speak to them in person to explain. Perhaps I can drop the invite in person and make it clear.

Thanks again! xx

Good idea - let us know how you get on!

I'd HATE mine calling in unexpected - she does at my OH's work all the time lol!

Get a lock on your front door! She can't just burst in unanounced!! As for the money thing, you will have to be blunt really. I learnt the hard way that not being blunt initially leads to a whole lot of other 'opinions' which were stressful adn once i'd knocked it (her) on the head, things were much better! Better to be blunt and get the awkwardness over with early on rather than having loads of stress throughout!

Seduce OH in the hallway when you know she's going to pop round - after an eyefull she will never come in unannounced again!

She is being nosy asking you how much things cost so stop telling her. As for walking in to your house unannounced... Ever see the episode of Sex and the City where Bunny walks into Charlotte and Treys house unannounced and catches them in bed together...? Problem solved!!

Thanks for the suggestions. I moved into OH's house with him several years ago and she actually had a key then. He works away a lot and she would let herself in while I was at work (for no reason) and I would know because the mail would be on the table. In the end I got my Dad to change the locks and told OH she wasn't allowed a spare key. She hints from time to time to get it back (like she'll randomly ring him up while where out saying she's waiting outside the house to try to make him feel sorry for her when really she should call to arrange to pop in to make sure we're around). But when we're home I keep the door locked anyway most of the time but if it's ever open she'll burst in (also she never takes her shoes off on my new carpet - God I sound like a ***!). I do need to be firmer now I think to avoid future problems. And yes it is so much like SITC when Bunny lets herself in. I couldn't stage that though as I never know when she's coming round ha ha. x

I suggest you get at it all the time, just in case, how awful for you!!! Haha!! Hope you can sort it tho, your MIL sounds like she feels she's had her nose pushed out, you need her to know you're the woman in his life now and that you call the shots (together as a couple). be firm but remember she's still his mum. Ive got horrendous PMT today, do u want me to talk to her, I'll be a mega b!tch and not care an ounce!!!xx

I may be on the wrong track here - and things like her bursting into your house unanounced have to stop, but maybe you could give her a 'wedding' job and this may take her attention away from the money issue. Could you ask her to research something or make something? The other thing I would suggest (and this may be hard!) but just let her money comments wash over you. When people asked me I tended to say something like 'oh we got a good deal and we are lucky that we have saved hard so we can afford it', which gives nothing away really.

Raincloud I think giving her a job could help. I'll have a think about what she could do. Maybe the cake as that's still to be done and it's quite important.

As for the letting herself in, things got a lot better after I put my foot down about her having a key so I am willing to put up with her not knocking as it's not as bad as when she was probably doing house inspections while I was at work! Ha ha.

She has done a really good job raising my OH so I'll have to remember that and try to ignore her being so nosy!

Thanks for the replies xx

No you don't! We're in the middle of renovating our house form top to bottom and I have a solid rule that no one goes on the carpet with their shoes on. And my OH knows that I will flip if anyone does (carpet is relaly expensive!) and has told all his family and friends!

Hi all,

Well she came round today and I asked if she would like to arrange the suits for OH's little cousins. I told her what colours I wanted and she seemed please to be able to sort that out.

She also said that as she got such a good deal on her cake, if I sent her pictures of ones I like, she will look into getting it done cheaply for us.

These are two areas I don't mind letting her help with as I am busy with everything else so it has worked out well.

Then at least there's two items she won't be complaining about the price of! Ha ha. Thanks xxx