MIL2B Rant...WWYD ***Updated***

I would confront her and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not invited to YOUR first hen night but is invited to YOUR second hen night and that you would appreciate it if she didn't slag you off behind your back and if she chooses to not come to YOUR second hen night then it would be HER loss and not YOURS!!!!

It annoys me immensely when I read posts about people - whether it's family members, distant friends, work colleagues or whatever - feeling that they have an automatic right to be invited to anything involving a wedding.

They don't. Their problem, not yours.

What does your h2b think? Is he supporting his mother out of loyalty, or does he agree that she's being a drama llama?

Ignore her. She's just being spiteful because she hasn't been invited to your first hen party. If she's any kind of adult she'll get over it, and if she doesn't, then she's really shown herself up.

TBH I'd ignore her. Its not worth falling out over.

I know its annoying and I would be fuming too, but I know all too well that confronting people just causes more hassle. I had a falling out with my mum for a bit when I raised something with her that was annoying me - she took it badly and was really upset for ages (she still is I think). I'm the sort of person who always says what I think and cant help it but I have certainly learned my lesson with my mum and wish I'd just not said anything.

Weddings can bring the worst out in people and it seems that is the case with your MIL2B. Only thing that might diffuse the situation is if your OH had a word (but making it clear you hadnt asked him to ? )

HTH

xxx

Thanks Ladies!

I'm glad its not me being unreasonable? I sweated about who to invite for ages. MIL is so nasty and vocal, I can imagine the awful things she is saying about me.

I haven't told OH yet, I'm at work, about to leave to pick him up. I can't concentrate on work. I am literally shaking, think I would cry if I weren't in the middle of the office....that makes me more angry.....how dare she make me feel like this!

I will tell OH on way home and update later! I won't be seeing MIL for at least a day or 2 so may be I will have calmed down by then.

:-(

PS - defo stopping to get a bottle of red on the way home!!!!

I would do exactly what you've done so far. Rant here - stomp, shout, swear - but keep it here where it's not going to rock the boat with your family. Is your SIL trustworthy enough for you to maybe rant to her as well? Did she behave the same at their wedding? I wouldn't bother saying anything to the MIL because it's not going to achieve anything good. Ignore her pettiness, and have the Hen nights you want. If she boycotts them, she'll be the one who looks a right twit.

My favourite person to "aargh!" with is my h2b's brother's wife because MIL was as pushy with their wedding as she's been with ours, but she managed to stand up for herself much better than I've done!

I would have to confront her. Explain that you know things she's been saying, that she keeps making sly comments and you're not having it. SHe may enjoy your other night but your friends would not if older people were there and she has t respect that. Hen nights are for the girlfriends of the bride, they are not for the aunts, mothers etc but you are having one for them so if she doesn't want to come to that fine, it's her loss but you would really like her to be there.

The problem with some MILs is that you'll never be quite good enough for her little boy - especially when you in your 20s, and she can't accept her son has another woman in his life.

Offer - and take her out - to a really loud modern nightclub for a night, with your mates, make sure you all get absolutely plastered and someon pukes on her shoes, then ask her if she'd really enjoy a whole weekend of it!

I'm having 2 hen nights too - one raucous one for friends, one sedate one for relatives and teenage BMs.

I'm another one that would have to confront her and tell her to wind her neck in!!!

However I'm not sure if this would help at all it's just what I would do and I would probably regret it later and wish I'd just left it at a dignified silence

You are doing the right thing by asking your H2B, he will know best how to handle his mum.

To be honest, i would not confront her, as she will then know, your SIL has been talking to you about her behind her back, and it could turn into a big family issue.

I not meation again and wait to see if she turns up to the Hen do she is invited too

Keli xx

Not sure 'confront' is the right word... thats just going to cause issues.

You've mentioned her sly comments towards you when this 'girls only' hen do is mentioned - if she does that again, THATS when you could (calmly and rationally!!) say ' look, I understand you might be disappointed that this night out is for me and my friends only, and thats why I'm having a second one which you and Mum are invited to' and leave it at that. Don't lower yourself to get into a row about it tho'.

But she is being a bit of an eirse! You've a right to be angry but don't let it grind you down too much - its not worth it in the bigger scheme of things.

PS - AJ - Drama Llama - I LOVE that!! lmao!

Thank You all for your advice. I'm home now and starting to feel a little better.

I had a huge rant and cry when I saw OH. He tried his usual line that MIL was "only joking" but we both know she's not. He agreed that she is out of order and shouldn't be talking about me behind my back. He offered to speak to her for me but I asked him not to.

I'm going to take your advice and not "confront" her. However, if she does make anymore sly comments, which I'm CERTAIN she will I will use that as my opportunity to get it off my chest and "address the issue".

OH said she is jealous of me and sis in law and wants to be friends with us. She does not do herself any favours though. Sis in law just updated me that MIL said to her "you won't be going will you, you don't know anyone....I don't think you should go". Sis in law told her where to go and said "of course I'm going!"

Sis in Law is my Saviour! We share the same pain, she was like this for their wedding and they have a new born baby she interferes with too so we text a lot and share the pain!

JudeClarke.....LOVE your idea!!! I would gladly throw up on her shoes! lol!! I could do with getting wasted right about now!

Drama Llama!! LMAO!!

Thanks Peeps

xxx

I'd have to agree! You don't wanna appear as a "grass" to your SIL...and possibly create problems for her with the MIL. Also, a bit of a conspiracy theory lover here LOL, BUT have you considered SIL may be just "stirring"? If it was me i wouldn't have told you what MIL said behind your back...

So.....I saw MIL last night....

I went to pick OHup from her house. She was upstairs. I was there for about 20 mins and she still hadn't come down to say hello. (she'd defo seen/heard me arrive). anyway I needed the loo! So I went up and said hello. She was busy working (she works from home), I was worried she was ignoring me but I could see she was genuinely busy.

We were chit chatting, I asked how her trip to SILs was, she said "SIL was asking me where you are going for your hen do?" Well......firstly this is a lie cos SIL knows damn well where I am thinking of going. In fact it was MIL who asked SIL but SIL told her she doesn't know. This was clearly her way of finding out. Why didn't she just ask me?!!! Anyway, as predicted she then makes her sly comment "I said I don't know, I'm not allowed to come" (pulls sad face)

So......that was it!!!!!!!!!!!

I said "We need to sort this out" calmly and rationally, no anger/aggression

"what?" looking like she doesn't know what I'm talking about!

"Have I upset about the whole hen do thing and the fact that you're not invited? cos everytime I mention it you make a sly comment. Do you want to talk about it?"

"ME!? NO! I'm not bothered at all. You know me, if I had a problem I'd tell you to your face".......odd choice of language. I hadn't suggested that she didn't tell me to my face/ie had been talking behind my back.....guilty concious me thinks!!

"Are you sure, cos you've made comments a few times, you know it's nothing personal, no one else is coming...." Me trying to explain.

"No ....no....it's fine, don't be silly!" Talks over me and changes subject.

And that was it! I tried to get back to the subject cos I wanted to talk about my other hen night out to see if she'd say anything about not coming to that but she was wittering on about something else so I gave up and went home!

So I don't know what to make of it all. If SIL is telling the truth, which I think she is. MIL is a two-faced lying coward!! I gave her the opportunity to have it out with me, tell me that she was upset/hurt/angry that I hadn't invited her but NO! she pretends nothing is wrong!!

I suspect she was just having a moan to SIL, if it bothers her that much she should have mentioned it to me. I don't know what to do now, I think I will just leave it. If she makes more comments I'll just say "you said it didn't bother you, why are you still making sly comments?".

I'm going to start talking about the "2nd" hen do soon too to see what she says about that, hopefully she will be excited about that....although I don't know why I care!! OH said I should ask her to help arrange that hen do, I said eff off! that's for my bridesmaids to do!!

So that was it, I was kinda dispapointed cos I was in the mood for a right good slanging match lol! I didn't make it to Body Combat cos I was stuck in work till 7pm :-(

I guess I'll just leave it now and wait for the next drama!!!

My god..... reading about these issues/situations etc...im soooooo glad that my mother and my mother in law had NO involvement with the wedding until the final week. No hen nights with them, no sharing of information, nada.

all the best with the rest of your planning x

My MIL is not involved in our wedding at all, mainly because she lives in SA and doesn't want to travel to England for the day.

However, so far she's said to me on Skype: You're not wearing a white dress on your wedding day are you? Isn't that a bit traditional?? (As if "traditional" was a dirty word.)

Don't get me wrong, she's great.

It's just they seem to have this idea in their heads of what your day and the build-up is going to be like and you mustn't deviate from their plans!

Well done you. Think you kept your dignity really well and def put her on the back foot. Think she was embarrassed about a) being caught and and b) being confronted about it. She may have thought you would never have the guts to say anything to her face and so thought she could get away with it. Fingers crossed things everything now clams down for you. I agree that organising your hen night is for your BMs and not her.