Mother in Law feeling left out.

Hi,

Awww I can see how you feel in the middle, I would advise if you haven't got your favours or it's something to make would that be something she could help with?

It's small but at least it might give her something to do. Also, although she hasn't told you about getting her outfit, maybe mention it and if you can go with her to get the accessories?

Hope that helps!

To be perfectly honest with you I wouldn't have dreamed of inviting my MIL to the dress shopping or fitting, and I don't think it's something she would have expected to be involved in either, (in fact, half of my bridesmaids haven't even seen my dress!) I think for most people that's quite a personal thing (and potentially very stressful!!) - plus there's the whole tradition of no one seeing the dress until the day - so it's natural that you'd only have your own mum there, I wouldn't worry about that one.

If you want her to help feel involved there's plenty of stuff you could ask her to do - or even just ask her opinion on! (You don't even have to go with what she suggests, just talking to her about it will make her feel involved). Asking her to do the favours is a good idea (my MIL's just offered to make ours and it's a massive weight off!) or perhaps she could help with the table decs and setting up? Could you ask her to lend you a piece of jewellery for your 'something borrowed'? Or even just ask her opinion on the colour/style of the bridesmaid's dresses, or the hairstyles you're thinking of, or the wedding cars, or activities for the reception... even though you're making the cake yourself you could discuss it with her, show her your design, ask her what she thinks... Also either you or your partner could show her a list of everything you've got sorted so far and ask her if there's anything she thinks you've missed...

Thats all really helpful advice, thank you. It's just been tricky when we kinda already have our plans of what we want in place. I guess your right though talking to her about it a bit more would certainly help.

I may ask her opinion on favours, although again we have planned to make a donation to Anthony Nolan Trust as my other half lost his dad to leukeamia. Perhaps discussing that idea with her will be something she would appreciate.

Thanks for the advice

It's a difficult one, because I know I haven't thought much about including my future MIL. When you have your ideas in your end, it's hard to take other people's input!

With regards to dress shopping, as others have said, it's quite personal - I'm taking my mum and stepmum, and that's it.

We have asked her to grow some flowers for us to use on table decorations, so maybe you can ask her to help you with something that? I've also got my fiance's nieces (MIL's granddaughters) as flowergirls, so I might go dress shopping with her for those. Other than these things though, we're not asking for any involvement or help.

I think discussing the favours is a good idea - was she married to your fiance's dad when he passed? If so, she might love to be involved with that. I don't know how Anthony Nolan do things, but I know Cancer Research give you pins to give to your guests - maybe she'd like to help you choose the pins?

Good luck! X

Thank you for you advice. It’s nice to hear I’m not alone in just having my mum to choose my dress. I think even some of my bridesmaids were hoping they could see my dress and I want it to be kept secret.

I think it’s a lovely idea about asking her to choose the pins. She was married and she battled a lot through a really difficult time when he died, so I think it would mean a lot to her.

Thanks again for the advice!

That's a nice idea!

Could you ask for her input on choosing a photographer or honeymoon destination? Your bridal shoes or hair decoration? Makeup artist? Invitations?

We have alreadt booked our photographer. Hair and make up sorted and I also have my shoes too! Only thing really left to plan is the honeymoon. We just know what we wanted and so far its going smoothly!

I think the groom should deal with his mother. If you are planning the whole thing together there is no need for you to feel solely responsible for her.