Mothers

Tell her if she want's a bottle of wine per person then she is more than welcome to provide or pay or it. My mum drove me bonkers she removed herself from the top table, complained about the food, moaned about the wedding cake, said I looked massive in my dress, ruined parts of my wedding video and called my 16 week old baby a spoilt brat... Needless to say I've now disowned her 4 weeks after the wedding.

Best of luck with the mother x

Yep. The helpful input of mine made me do a 1 hr 20 trip to my wedding dress shop this weekend cos she convinced me i'd be too big to fit in my dress. Forget Bridezillas, it's all about the Mamazillas.

PS - I love her really.

Haha! As she has clearly lost the plot I suggest you don't take any further wedding advice from her!

Mine's been a bit the same She's really well meaning, but a lot of her ideas have been based either on over-excitement and not thinking through fully the cost/practicalities, or just through quite old fashioned ideas as she hasn't really been involved in planning a wedding since her own (and even then she didn't have much say in things)

Luckily for me there's a physical and time difference between us so I get most of those ideas by e-mail and I have the time to roll my eyes privately before drafting a generous response along the lines of 'it's a lovely idea mum, but because of x y and z it's just not practical for us' or 'thanks for that idea, we've already planned *this* for that part of the day instead' Perhaps you could come up with an array of 'excuses' ready for any future suggestion she may have. I use Hitched to deflect my mum heaps - 'Mum, i'm in contact with a lot of brides who are currently planning and *this or that* just isn't a tradition any more' etc! Also in an attempt to make her not feel that I'm just disregarding everything she says there has been a lot of 'Sorry we can't do that, I was a nice idea though, keep thinking!' it keeps her sweet and lets her feel that she's involved, even if we don't follow all her crazy suggestions.

It has been a bit of a frustration at times, particularly when she suggested that we buy heaps of wine and then OH and I should personally serve it to our guests in the churchyard after the service, prior to them going to the reception venue. She said it made sense as due to the recessional at the end of the service OH and I would be the first ones out of the church so would be the quickest people to set up a drinks table! I got out of that one by saying we wouldn't want to be seen to be encouraging drink-driving, and we would have the club serving drinks on arrival at the reception instead!

However, I would choose a mum like this over those brides I see on here whose mums are totally disinterested any day.

wholeheartedly agree with this, even though my mum is the only person who has upset me and made me cry over wedding plans I think it would be much worse if she couldn't care less. Don't get me wrong though, she was starting to drive me nuts with all her cr*p suggestions and then having a huge rant at me when I said no to the ideas she put forward. Her exact words were ' you just want everything your way, do whatever you want then' well seeing as we're paying for it and it's our wedding yes we do want everything our way!

My mum can be a pain too..often speaks without thinking. ..

I wwrote a previous thread about her reaction to my shoes....you're not wearing them! Actually i am ?

And she's not happy that we're not having cousins at all and aunts and uncles invited to the evening only. ...she thinks it's ok to just have x y and z from her side but forgets about costs and tje knock on effect. If we invite x y and z from the my mum's side then we ha en to be fair and do the same for my dads side, h2bs mis side and h2b dads side too.... the next thing you know it's all spiralling out of control!

A song came on there radio too the other day and it was..... oh you can have this for your first dance! Errrr hellloooooo.... maybe we'd like to choose a song for us???

Love her to bits but gosh she can be a real pain... tbh I think she might be trying to live the big wedding she didn't have through me. Bless her...

Mothers. ... can't live with them can't live without them.

Ha! Tell your mum you don't want all your guests to be drunk before you even have your first dance! A whole bottle would be nuts! I've actually been amazed by how my mum has been, none of the crazy mamzilla! But then she had a big wedding that the family have talked about ever since (31yrs ago!) so she's happy to let me get on with it, mostly!

My Mum has been amazing and actually said "tell me anything your worried about and I'll try and fix it"

My MILTB is being lovely but has such outdated ideas, for example she was certain our 7 year old page boy would have to wear a sailor suit as there was no way I could get a suit for a child so young. Apparently sailor suits were all the range 30 years ago??

I avoided the mumzilla by not having her there.

Hurrah for small weddings.

Yes. Mine is just full of ideas I don't want and no matter how often I repeat phrases such as ' laid back' and 'low key', she isn't really getting it. Last week she sent me an email with links to candles in mason jars - we are having a meal after the ceremony in a public restaurant, we can't decorate the tables! I told her if she didn't stop fussing I would make us all go to the burger king at the services instead, which may have been a bit harsh on reflection. I do feel lucky that she is around and wants to be involved, but at the same time she's doing my head in a little bit.

Mine is completely uninterested except when it comes to the guest list and being rude about my ideas. I'm shocked actually because I didn't think she had it in her. But oh well I'll just agree to everything then do it my own way. Trying not to get mad about it. Seems to think my dad will add more money if I need.... (They aren't together anymore) Well there was a reason I only accepted a small amount and me and h2b are paying half ourselves. I just don't want to spend that much money on a day. So yes I could ask my dad for more but I don't want to just to satisfy guests who I don't even want there. Hahaha plus my sister doesn't help going on about when she gets married (she's not even engaged) that things will be different and it won't be like this. And how she can't wait for the day to be over to relieve the tension.....: charming

Mine has been a god send but we have had our moments, she wanted me to add salad to the menu as a main, salad wasn't on the section we picked our meals from so didn't come under the 2 courses for £16.50. She only wanted salad because she didn't want to eat our choises, even though as eats them all the time. My OH got involved as my mum wasn't listening to me that we chose our foods as their filling and will provent people getting drunk too fast as their carb based foods. He told her if she wants salad so badly he'll go to tesco and buy her a pre made salad and she can just eat it at our house before we all leave. Se soon shut up and never mentioned it again!

She also told me we HAD to be at the reception first as being announced is an American thing and we need to greet our guests... Ok no problem, but then the other day she asks if we're having a big arrivle to the reception to which I reminded her what she had said before hand an Iv made arrangements now to be in the building before the guests!

nothing too major with my mum, Iv been VERY lucky!

Hehe, my cousin still gets ribbed about his sailor suit at my parent's wedding 31 years ago, even though he was only about 2yrs old at the time!

My Mum isnt around all the time to get like that and I dont think she would anyway. She's interested in what I tell her but shed no opinions of her own.

FMIL is kind and suggests ideas but doesnt force them. She offered to come over and help make invites but i declined saying we'd like to do those ourslves to which she said "anything i can do let me know" and thats that. Shes doing flowers and no doubt will be a source of inspiration during planning.

Its the future brother in law I fear...... he's a very set in his ways "all about the famlly" type of guy (unless its at his own expense or time of course) and is very childish in that he's used to getting what he wants and if he doesnt he kicks off. He hasnt done anything major bar a couple of comments and thrown a strop when H2B didnt ask him to be BM "just an usher" . So its a diff family member i fear!!

My mum is brilliant with it all, she sits and listens to me, give her opinion on things (when I ask) and doesn't offer up any crazy ideas.

my MIL on the other hand........well put it this way her 13 year old grandson (our nephew) turned round to her the other week when she was ranting on about something we have booked with the wedding and said to her "to be honest you've got to stop being so selfish it's Jen's OH and Jen's day" got to love the honesty of children,

Just remembered a FMIL moment ( I'm as close to her as my own mum) she once saw my wedding folder laying around while I was making a brew. When I came back she had taken out all the details of things I 'didn't need' and torn the pages up.

It was things like bathroom basket lists & flip flop suppliers. She said 'you'll thank me when no one notices there not there' and I tell you what I was a bit miffed when she done it but now I'm greatful I haven't waisted money on it all!

I had never heard of it, my mum had to explain it to me and I still don't really understand it now....

Do we have the same future BIL?!!? that sounds spookily like OH's brother!!!! glad it isn't just me although i do feel your pain!!!

Mine is obsessed with button holes for the guests and everything being the same shade of blue! I know mums only mean well and want everything to be perfect but sometimes their ideas just aren't of today's weddings/our tastes! To be fair, we wouldn't be able to have the wedding we want without my parents so I shouldn't complain too much.....but if I hear button holes one more time I may scream!!

Hi, I'm a MOB with 27 days to go to the Big Day. I've been lurking around for a while, but not posting because I didn't think it was really my place, not being a bride. However, this post is obviously right up my street so just thought I'd say .... my daughter and I have had an absolute blast organising her wedding, with no serious arguments or fall-outs. Our tastes are virtually identical (and luckily match those of my future son-in-law). I think it's very sad that so many of you aren't having the same happy experience with your mums - I'm not saying my daughter and I agree on absolutely everything, but we DO listen to each other and value each other's opinions. Maybe you should be grateful your mums are around to share your wedding day - there must be a lot of brides who would give anything to be in that position.

Its an odd one. I'm not close to my mum. We live 300 miles apart and see each other every year or so.

She's in her sixties, but so is my OH's mum who i see more often, without being close to in any sense.

I don't expect either of them to be involved in my planning and would resent it if they interfered. I don't want to hi-jack your thread with irrelevenies, si I might start one for older brides - some of whom might like for that noxynes, and some of whom would not!

Mine was insistent that I should have;

A 'nice' rolls Royce to arrive in- no mum, they are generic

Floral centrepieces - no mum, it's not the 1980's

top hats for the men- if we wanted a moss bros wedding we would have one

when she found mrmini was wearing converse to get married in- ?

'but will the vicar come to a hotel? How will you get married if it's not a church or a registers office?!'

Mums have no idea about weddings in many a case, they are stuck in the era they got married and have dated views. I managed her expectations and let her have one thing- the test were awful

My mums been great, and given that we bl**dy well eloped I couldn't argue if she wasn't!!! We are planning a post-elopement party and she has been fairly involved and helpful, but the things that I found odd have been her saying we have to provide tea and coffee after the buffet, and that we shouldn't have a disco/dj because it would be too loud and people couldn't talk. We've said no to buying everyone tea/coffee and that there will be a disco and she's accepted it ?

My mum is really upsetting me at the moment. She can't understand why I don't want her to wear a lace dress to the wedding (my dress is lace!). She is insisting I invite all my cousins, when one of them has been very rude to my h2b for no good reason. She's also insisting I invite my Uncle's ex-wife - they've now been divirced almost as long as they were married, i've met her once, and my Uncle gets very upset when she is invited to family occaisions! I told her I didn't frel comfortable causing a family fight for a woman i barely know, but she's just ignored me. I found out today that she told my brother "i'm paying for it, so i'll invite who i want!" yes, my parents are providing the bulk of the budget, but she doesn't seem to understand that food for 100+ guests adds up quickly - since she is also dictating that we hire a professional TOG, have a full wedding breakfast, flowers, cake etc etc ... I'm worried we're going to run out of money, but if i broach it with her she just tells me to cut out OUR friends! :-(

When i try and talk to my mum about the wedding, she doesnt seem interested, ive taken my planning folder round, bridal magazines, invited her to dress shopping, all sorts and shes having none of it.

i think its because she has realised once we are married that we will be moving away with oh so think shes sulking.

im hoping that as it gets closer she will come around to the idea

This is all very well to say and I'm sure reading posts by those whose parents are absent in some way makes those of us who are complaining about ours pause for thought. But when your mum is genuinely upsetting you by interfering (whether being upset is an over-reaction or not), saying "you should be grateful" just isn't that helpful. I KNOW my mum is just excited and wants to be involved, but she has still upset me more than once by trying to foist her ideas on to me. I'm sure I am being a bridezilla and it's definitely a first world problem, but I can't just say "well I'm lucky to have her" and make it go away. You gotta feel your feels, you know.

InkedDoll - it was not my intention to make you feel 'guilty' (sorry if that's the wrong word) and from some of the things other people have posted on this subject, I can see that some mothers are making slightly ridiculous demands. But with the benefit of age (unfortunately!), I would say it's honestly not worth falling out with your mothers over things like candles in mason jars! Ultimately, it's your and your partner's day and you must have what you want (and I have practised what I'm preaching here!), but half the time I'm sure mothers are only wanting the very best for their daughters, so try not to lose sight of that.

No, I know what you mean. It's definitely not worth falling out over, and I haven't!

Both mothers have already started to bug me about the colour of THEIR outfits. We've said to both that the day is going to be really relaxed and we don't care if people turn up in jeans and t-shirts. They probably think we're being sarcastic but we're not. The wedding has 14 guests and is going to be very informal so as long as our guests are comfortable we really don't mind what they wear or what colour they wear. We don't even care if both Mums wear the same outfit!!

My Mum is also sending me through ideas for cakes. I am loving her enthusiasm and do appreciate her input (she didn't pass any opinion over my first wedding) however she knows we're looking for cupcakes to go with our relaxed style and yet she's suggesting really glamorous, formal, iced numbers. They're stunning, don't get me wrong, they're just totally not what we're looking for.

We still have over 18 months to go before our wedding and I'm already wary about what else they want to try to influence. We're having a family BBQ tomorrow so I'm hoping they can just talk to each other about things and leave us out of it to plan the day we want