My bf doesn't do anything

Personally speaking I don't expect my other half to do anything for it and I don't really want him to either. I would rather do it myself and know it's done the way I want it!

Hello!

Personally I do not think it is common place to not be interested/doing anything to help with the plans - my OH thinks that marriage is a bit of paper and was not really fussed about a big day but I wanted a big wedding day, OH has fully supported that and been part of planning/decision making because it matters to both of us.

I know if that was me in your shoes I would question what is the point of getting married if he is not interested - even if it is some of it is not his thing he should at least be feigning an interest like most OH's do sometimes!!

I am really sorry that you are feeling like this

xx

A lot of men aren't really interested in the detail or the planning. I think a lot of them just want to turn up on the day and get married. It's what makes men and women different.

Going to be truthful here I have some major alarm bells going off. What countries are you both in?

This doesn't sound good to be honest, don't get me wrong in most couples the man uses the cop out of "whatever makes you happy, I don't mind as long as you're happy and we get married" but they will dutifully do any "jobs" that they are assigned (depending on their personalities) -don't get me wrong, some forget, some wait until the last minute, some realise they are out of their depth and ask for help and some just get in and do it.

He seems very disinterested.

If you want the ring to mean something to you, then why not suggest getting each others rings? Both get sized and send a rough guide of things you like and pick a ring for each other separately in your own countries? Make it clear to him that this is important to you and if he cares about YOU he'll try at the very least, even if he doesn't really care about the ring itself.

But before you go picking rings, you need to re-establish if this man is the one you want to spend your life with. Perhaps voice your concerns with him? "I feel like I'm doing all the work and that you don't care. It makes me wonder why I'm bothering at all" type conversation. How he handles it will probably help you figure out what you want to do.

Hi,

For our wedding, my partner has been involved in pretty much everything (apart from my outfit) but he's picked bridesmaids dresses with me, sat for hours making invites etc. I know this isn't the same for everyone but he has wanted to be involved in as much as possible as this is his day too.

You have an added difficulty in that you are so far away from each other and so you are having to undertake a lot of the organising however I don't think you're being unfair expecting him to be at least involved in the planning / ideas phase.

I think the bit that concerns me is that you have been paying for everything so far and you haven't discussed the budget or who pays for what etc. I think this is quite a key piece that needs sorting as soon as possible.

I wouldn't say all guys want to be involved in the wedding planning, it really does depend on the person however from what you've said it doesn't seem like he's interested at all - if this was me, I don't think I'd be very happy at this point and I'd at least be having a completely honest and up-front conversation about it all

I really hope you get the situation sorted out

I think you really need to have a conversation with him too. Tell him your concerns. My partner works very long hours and 6 days a week, I rarely see him for any wedding plan chats because we're busying dealing with life when he gets home, however I always make sure I ask his opinion on what I like and he is always happy to give me his answers- if he doesn't care about that particular item - he tells me and I understand he is busy and doesn't care about details the way I do unless it's going to affect something massively. I pulled him a few weeks ago and said that I needed more input and it was simply down to how busy he is and he was concerning himself with ensuring we had enough money for paying for everything - so he was doing his bit- he just wasn't voicing it.

At least if you say something it will put your mind at rest or answer your worries.

I'd be very unhappy that the flights hadn't been booked - you need to know he's going to be able to get there and its worrying he doesn't seem to be fretting over that!

As for rings - I don't have an engagement ring - he didn't get me one- I don't mind. A wedding ring - I'm using a ring I already have that I wear every day as it is.

In the grand scheme of things - the 'stuff' isn't important. But you are- make sure you feel 100% happy before you commit to this.

I know its stereotyping but they exist for a reason, to most men marraige is a legal contract and they dont care about the big pretty princess party (honestly every guy I know would happily sign the legal paper then go to the local club and just get pissed - no dresses, food, cars, rings, cakes, handmade details, centerpieces etc...)

also I dont get what your on about with the rings, I bought mine and OH is buying his - why wouldnt you do it that way its just makes it easier... im assuming he likely bought you an engagement ring already

im also paying for our wedding (OH is buying his ring, outfit and the guestbook but im sorting the rest) because OH cant save for his life but in fairness he pays most of the house bills so I dont think life has to be a direct split or exact tit for tat to be equal

The men I know are the same as the men you know Sorbet! I wouldn't be overly concerned that he's not interested in the planning. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to marry you. He just can't be bothered with all the faffing about that's involved.