My Dad's Crap Speech - HELP!

Officially, it's his job to propose the toast to the happy couple at the end of his speech.

Awww your poor dad! I'd try not to worry about this too much, and also try not to force what you want him to say upon him. He could have been bluffing when he said he'd ad-lib on the day - I'd be very surprised if he meant that!

The speeches is probably one of the only parts of the day that the bride has no involvement in and it was nice to have them to look forward to!

Hi Bonny, thanks for the message. Unfortunately, it will not occur to my dad to say he is proud of me and he loves me. Neither will it occur to him to quote something from a book, even if it was Star Trek - it just simply doesn't compute!

Apart from not being funny, he also has a habit of saying innappropriate things which would just be a nightmare. I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad and I appreciate where you are coming from with regards to being lucky that my Dad is around - I just don't want my Dad to make himself look stupid.

I second that the FOB speech traditionally includes the formal toast to the happy couple.

..and also what everyone else has said about letting your Dad say whatever the heck he wants to on his daughter's wedding day. Honestly, his speech is a gift to you; you should not be telling him what he has to say or not.

Hi jules - no seriously - my Dad wasn't bluffing. He ad-libbed the speech at my 30th and it totally bombed. When I told me brother about it, my brother took it upon himself to help Dad write his speech because he knows how terrible it will be. I am certainly not forcing my Dad to say anything. I'll hand over the bullet points to my bro and he will take it from there.

I am really looking forward to the speeches and I will be very interested to see what my brother and Dad come up with!

x x C x x

Thanks Guy! Noted

I'm not forcing my Dad to say anything. My brother asked for the pointers so he can help him write the speech.

Agree with Bonnie.

Please don't try to control everything at your wedding. A little spontaneity is a good thing. People will not think any less of your Dad for being himself.

(I speak as another one whose father was not around on our wedding day)

Hang on a sec everyone - just to be clear - I'm not trying to control everything at my wedding!! I think some of you have got the wrong end of the stick!

As stated in my original post, it clearly says that my brother has asked for a list of stuff we need to include - I'm not writing the speeches - they are!!

Then let them get on with it. Step away from the men's speeches!

Chickster but you probably should ask yourself why your brother is getting involved, is that off his own back or because he knows your concerned?

I'd never be embarrassed by anything my Dad said.

Aww your poor Dad. Mines speech was full of in jokes and not many people laughed. I diddnt care at all. It was about me, my family and friends and my H. My Dad put lots of time and thought into it and thats the main thing. He spoke about what he wanted to.

It's off his own back - I didn't ask him to do this, he offered.

If I were you, I'd probably let him do his own research into what should be involved then.

I personally wouldn't want to get involved, as it would make me seem like I'm bothered about what he says etc.

My Dad was very worried about speaking, although he never admitted it directly to me. He tends to seriousness rather than jokiness and thought he might not be entertaining. When in conversation with my Mum about his speech, I would often, very casually, drop in prompts for potential jokes - my Mum, being completely on my wavelength, presumably relayed these prompts to my Dad, as some of them appeared in his very short but very sweet speech.

The stuff about my Boy and I were completely his own words. But this part works better with seriousness so that was lovely! In any case, I'd never have tried to prompt for this section.

I had absolutely no problems with divvying out the thanks among the speeches. We wanted to make sure that everyone was toasted and thanked, with no overlap (although we didn't necessarily stick to the traditional who says what). But we made sure that Dad had a set few, Boy had a set few and the best man had a set few. My Dad was charged with thanking everyone for coming (although obviously, Boy repeated that), thanking the venue for making the day so wonderful and toasting Boy and I.

I'd be very surprised if your Dad bombs at your wedding. To be honest, that reflects on your guests more. I can always work up a laugh and a clap, even if I haven't got the foggiest what's being said. People should be more polite than to sit there and allow someone to be embarrassed (even if he's blissfully unaware of it).

I really wouldn’t worry too much about it –it might be a bit cringy/embarrassing in parts, but he’s your father and you love him for who he is. It’s going to be a few minutes of your wedding –I would just leave him/brother to it!

I would do anything to have my Father at my wedding, speaking about me and giving me away and when I go to other weddings one of the things that really upsets me is knowing that that’s never going to happen.

I think your list of pointers looks fine.

Thanks FTLOMB - I think this is exactly what my brother is trying to do. He wants to make sure the thanks and toasts aren't missed out etc.

People may remember a good speech, they will just forget a bad one unless maybe they are close family, in which case they will just shrug it off. After the speeches they will just get on with the evening anyway. My uncle gave a really halting, cringeworthy speech at my cousin's wedding. It wasn't funny, didn't flow, and he repeated himself many times without saying a thing about her and her husband, just about her as a child and growing up. You could tell that it didn't go down that well, but no-one really cared, and I can't believe my cousin would have either. It only lasted 5 minutes out of a full day, and really wasn't a big deal.

I think at weddings there will always be things where we think "I don't like that, wouldn't have done this, what on earth were they thinking?" etc, but your Dad is pretty immune for being a laughing stock simply because of his father of the bride role. I hope your brother helps out, but even if the speech isn't what you hope for, don't worry xx

I think your dad sounds awesome. Your brother obviously knows where you are coming from, and fair play to him for giving him some pointers - I have done the same with my H2B's speech, to make sure that he doesn't leave anyone out. This is more for his sake than mine - he would be mortified if he had forgotten to thank someone who had been pivotal in helping out. And that's it isn't it - he would be trying so hard to remember everyone, he would probably leave out someone REALLY important, like my Mum and Dad (who paid for the venue) for instance. So I have stepped in to give him pointers.

If your dad does tell some crappy jokes, give him a helping hand by belly-laughing really loudly, (even if the jokes are particularly bad) clapping in all the right places - your guests will follow suit despite their bemusement, but they will understand that the "joke" is something shared between father and daughter. It will be a lovely moment.

Hi Chickster,

I understand what you're saying- dads can be embarrassing sometimes and my mum has told me my dad wants to say a few words at my reception and I thought, Oh God I hope he's not p***ed as a fart when he gets up ! But at the end of the day, I may roll my eyes and cringe but like everyone says it's your wedding and you'll be surrounded by friends and family in a happy mood and I'm sure nobody is going to think badly of you both- I would just remind him that traditionally he should include those things in his speech and then leave him to it and on the day, have a couple of glasses of champers and I bet you'll be so wrapped up in your special day, it will just go over your head x

This!

I know my Dad will probably be like this and I'm kind of replying on my Mum to stop him talking for ages! I'll discuss with him who he needs to thank so that we don't miss anyone out but otherwise it's up to him.

Totally this! Thanks Janet x x x

LoL! ? Thanks x x x x

I totally get where you are coming from Chickster. I think those that are saying you should be grateful your Dad is up there and let him get on with it simply because they don't have their Dad's there are missing the point. It's not about being glad he's around its about being worried about what he might say!

I have the exact same problem and although I'm not a bridezilla or control freak, and about almost everything at the wedding I can let go, I am cr*pping myself about my Father's speech. I attended his wedding a few years ago and his speech had me cringing behind my table. He had those tumbleweed moments with his own friends and made racist/sexist jokes, that I just don't want at my wedding (not that I'm suggesting your Dad would do this). Whilst you don't want to write his speech for him, there are points you might want him to touch upon, I get it. I think the bullet point list you have made looks fine. Sorry I haven't helped much, I just wanted to stick up for you a bit and let you know you aren't the only one with this problem!!

I understand why you're worrying, there a certain things that make it a 'Father of the Bride Speech' and he only has one shot. It doesn't have to be funny and he should feel he can be himself but it it should at least in part be sincere/gracious and recognise the importance of the day. If you you view your father's speech as his gift to you, I can see why you would prefer a gift he's thought about rather than the metaphorical equivalent of garage forecourt flowers.

I think your list is absolutely fine. It doesn't need to be a masterpiece of rhetoric. Let your brother deal with it, and even if he does tell a few duff jokes, no-one will care.

If it helps, my Dad didn't finish his speech until the morning of the wedding. As part of his "stories about Helen growing up," he told a little story about a holiday I went on to Austria, not realising that it was actually a holiday I went on with an ex-boyfriend and not my OH. He also made an in-joke which only about 5 people in the room got, but on seeing my reaction, most other people managed a polite chuckle...

Overall though, it was lovely and well-intentioned, with lots of touching moments. I loved it, and I hope most of my guests did too.

Thanks Hells Bells. I really appreciate your message. Thanks for sticking up for me and I really hope your Dad's speech turns out to be ok! x x x x

? Thanks! x x x

I blame Hugh Grant for all this,if it wasn't for him in Four Weddings everybody would just be making normal boring speeches !

Not sure why some people are having a go at you I think some have got the wrong end of the stick

Anyway...my dads speech is the one thing I am most worried about so I can TOTALLY see where your worry is coming from!

My dad has never been good at public speaking, tends to say things that people think 'did he really just say that' tells jokes that aren't funny and generally says innopropriate comments!

To make matters worse he has now just split up with my mum (married for 26 years) and without going into too much detail he went off with someone at work so the majority of the guests at the wedding know what has happened and are 'on my mums side' therefore I think will be even less inclined to laugh at his jokes/clap/smile/appreciate his speech

he actually made a comment that he might write a poem instead (he is not the poem type at all !!)

it's not that I don't appreciate the speech and I know it will be hard for him to get up in front of a room where 50% of the guests are angry at him but I can't help but worry about what he will say (I actually worry he might compare our relationship to his and this new woman, that's how silly his comments can be sometimes)

I know it's a slightly different situation but I would be pleased if I could rely on someone (like your brother) to check his speech before he says it! Your list looks fine, I would get your brother to check the end result as well!

Im sure as people have said on the day we won't have anything to worry about but as it is I can really see where you are coming from!!

Good luck with it all xx

It can't turn out any worse than a wedding I went to when the FOTB managed to be quite offensive to the MOTB during his speech!

From day one, we decided we wouldn't have any speeches.. just a toast to the bride and groom. This decision was mainly due to my dad and his drinking... although I love him dearly, over many years, we've all, as a family had to suffer many embarassing situations through the drink.

So OH and my mum decided NO Speeches... that was the safest way for all of us. And I think deep down he's relieved he hasnt got to say anything too.... x