My Husband's just told me he's leaving me

So sorry to hear this, Sare. I know we don't 'know' each other very well but you know I'm only in Brid, if you want to meet for a coffee (or something stronger) and a vent, I am on holiday from Friday and free until Christmas Eve.

I'm so sorry ? Your boys will be fine. I often think children take to i much easier than the parents.

I'm so sorry you're going through this Sare. Please don't beat yourself up. Although it's going to be tough for you and your lovely children for a while, you all will get through this and be happier in the future. I promise. ?

I'm sorry you're going through this Sare. We're all here for you in whatever way we can be ?

I'm so sorry to hear this.TAke care and try and be easy on yourself. Your boys need you (and you deserve to be easy on yourself)

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Oh poor you - what awful timing he has.?

Oh Sare, so sorry you're going through this, especially now.

Your boys will be fine - it sounds like he is willing to put the effort in to maintain normality with them, and you need to sit them down (perhaps together) and explain the whole situation.

Take care of yourself ?

?? to you and your Boys,

? to your H what shite timming

Just wanted to add my voice to all the support. LouM doesn't have talk a lot of sense - I thought her post further up the board was spot on.

All I can suggest is one day at a time. Don't torture yourself with what you could or "should" have done. Worry about today and what you have to deal with and plan as far ahead as tomorrow but don't look any further ahead than that until you feel stronger. The boys will be a tremendous support to you.

Do you have family/friends close by who can also be there for you?

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I'm very sorry to hear this, Sare.

I'm not sure I'm best placed to offer advice, but my marriage broke up about 4 months ago. In my case, it was mainly me who decided enough was enough. We tried the counselling route and it was too late; I'd already got to the stage where I couldn't try to recapture any of the feelings I used to have for my husband, and we split (although have managed to remain friends, albeit distance ones).

What I want to say to you is that it's not your fault. Nothing you did or didn't do would be likely to have changed the way your husband felt. I know you posted a few times previously that things weren't great, and you were very unhappy. This will give you both the breathing space to decide whether you want to fight to keep your marriage; or, if the will is not there, how you can best organise things to have the minimum impact on your boys.

There is no shame in a marriage break-up. You'll probably find that friends and family aren't that surprised when they hear the news; an unhappy couple is usually obvious. Friends and family will rally round and help you out, and please make sure you use their support as much as you can.

Take this as an opportunity to internally regroup. You're obviously in great shock at the moment, but very soon you'll be able to accept it and start thinking about what YOU want and what's best for you and your children. You may surprise yourself and realise that this may be what you actually want. Alternatively, you might decide that you want to fight to save your marriage; however this will only work if that's what your husband wants to. You can't force someone to want to be with you, which is something that I had to explain to my husband.

Whatever happens, I can almost guarantee that you will look back in a year or two and realise that you're so much happier and that your children are better off. Either you'll be moving on with life without your husband, or you will have (hopefully!) worked through your issues and have a stronger relationship. But if you are going to do the latter, then there needs to be give and take from both of you - not you doing all the giving and him doing all the taking.

I wish you the very best of luck, and hope that it does turn out for the best, whatever that may actually mean in the long run. And as others have said, Hitched is a great support network. I haven't posted much on here about my break-up as my husband used to lurk (and even blamed Hitched for my 'change of personality'!) but the support I have had has been fantastic. ?

I actually agree with this. I split up with my ex just before christmas as neither of us could face going through the "everything is fine" bit with the family when it totally wasn't. Distraction is a marvellous thing - as it drinking copious amounts of booze with friends (obviously I didn't have children to consider)

I really feel for you though Sare - please use us all you need to/want to as there is ALWAYS someone hear to listen. ?

I'm so sorry to hear this, Sare. I can only echo LouM's wise words, and offer a listening ear whenever you need one.

(((Sare)))

WEES but especially WLouMS.

Oh Sare, I am so sorry to read that.

Much love to you and the boys.

I am sure that it would be nothing to do with where you slept chicky xx

Another one here who has been through this, I'm still walking, talking and now smiling an awful lot more than I was then!

It is so hard at first but I promise you that you will be ok, I thought my life was over when H left me, but it wasn't, I have wonderful family and friends who made me realise it was his problem and not mine. I know things are muddled and difficult for you at the moment but I found that once I'd gotten over the shock and hurt and started to try and rebuild my life that my future suddenly became brighter. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I got to a point where although I wasn't happy at that time I knew a time would come when I would be and more to the point I started to believe that I deserved to be.

You will get there, I promise x

Oh Sare, so sorry to read this. You really have given it your best though. I hope things soon improve for you and your boys.

God sare I'm so very sorry thsi has happened.

Lou speaks sense and I compleetly agree with her

Keep us updated ?

Lou speaks lots of sense. ?

Oh Sare, ? , I can't add to what anyone esle has already said, just more support and hugs ?I will be thinking of you and the boys

I'm really sorry to hear this. Have you talked any more about what is happening since?

In my experience this kind of thing happens a lot at this time of year, people can't bear the thought of going through another Christmas pretending everything is fine when it isn't. They see Christmas as the time when everything comes to a head that is wrong and the New Year as a chance for a new start.

I hope that everything works out for you though. Your kids will be fine, sadly this kind of thing isn't rare anymore, so they will get support from friends too.

I'm so sorry to read this, but you will get through it, and so will your boys. We're all here to listen.

Take care of yourself xxx

I can only echo what everyone esle says, so very sorry to hear this. You will get through it, your boys will get through it. I think LouM is spot on.

We're all here if you need to talk?

L
xx

I know I can't add anymore more useful than everyone else's great advice, but I'm really so sorry to hear this. What a horrid shock for you. Do take care of yourself and there's always an ear here for you if you need to vent. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will get through this brighter and stronger at the end. And whatever you might feel right now, it's not all your fault, never let yourself think that.

Again, I can only agree with what everyone else has said. You and your boys will be fine. And you've got hundreds of ears here waiting for you whenever you need to offload. ?

I am so sorry to read this Sare, and can only echo what others have said.

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I haven't anything useful to say, I'm sorry - but I didn't want to not at least post my sympathy for you ?

So sorry to hear this. Dont really have anything constructive to add to what has already been said but I will be thinking of you. Regarding the children - they will be ok and although his timing is *** for you from the kids POV it is probably'better' as they will be distracted by everything going on around christmas.

Hugs xxxx

I've read all the replies and I'm so grateful you took the time to post. Lou, I know your post makes a lot of sense, but I'm still in too much shock to truly believe it at the moment, so I've saved it to re-read at a later date.

He had said he would try to carry on over Christmas for the family's sake, which is why I can't tell my mum.If she knew, we couldn't pretend on the day itself when we go tohers.

I saw his sister today who he went to last night, and she said that he does sound very sure, but to try writing everything I feel in a letter. I did this, and asked him to consider trying with me for 5 weeks. He refused and he's gone to hers again tonight, so it doesn't seem like he's making much effort to keep it together over Christmas. I asked him to please stay the night as I can't cope being on my own, but he still went, saying he needs to be able to talk with his family.

So he's able to go off and talk it all over with his family while you are left keeping quiet with no-one to talk to?

DO you really want to go through with the pretence on Christmas Day?

I'm just hoping that we'll get swept up in the excitement the boys have and be able to muddle through. It would be the most heartless thing in the world to tell the boys he's leaving a week before Christmas, although it seems I care about that more than him.]

He did give me a time he's leaving, he said in January. So that's a couple of days before they go back to school.

Oh Sare, I'm so sorry to hear this?

FWIW I agree with everything LouM said.

Massive hugs to you lovely Sare. ?