My marriage is falling apart

What an awful situation, being in limbo.

Don't really know what to say except I hope your H is doing some serious thinking.

I hope things work out ?

Strangely we were discussing at work about how difficult people find it to adapt when coming out of the forces? Has he been out long? As he had another job since he left, and if so how long has he been out of work?

Thanks Maxi - yes all in limbo is the problem i think.

NN - he came out in Feb 2008. He has been sub-contracting on and off since then but work has been slow this year. when he has worked it has mostly been down south, we live in yorkshire, so he has been staying away all week and coming back at weekends etc.

Could it be the situation rather than the relationship that's the problem?

That said, I don't know the cure for that either.

After a life in the forces, being out of work must be a huge shock. Even being IN work, life outside that environment would be odd without that structure. He will naturally feel a bit out of sorts. Doesn't make it any easier for you to deal with obviously.

Can't he go out with his mates AND be married? We still go out with our friends and always have. You can be married and still have a life.

I found the first few years of marriage very hard, and am still not sure it's for me after 5 years, but we're muddling along! Sorry, had a few wines.

Probably NN.

Doughnut - yes of course he can go out with mates. he just never has. he hasnt seen these particular mates for the nearly 4 years we have been together. None of them came to our wedding, and i havent heard of half of them, ever. i said to him that if he wanted to have even every other weekend down at his parents so he could go out, that would be fine, but he says its too far to go. so that makes me think he is just making excuses.

Sorry, I hadn't appreciated the distance involved with the mates and going out. I hope my post didn't sound harsh; it wasn't meant to at all.

I hope things work out for you ?

No Doughnut it wasnt harsh at all.

i just feel so up in the air with it all. He is at his parents having a good old time with his mates, while i am sat in our house, surrounded by his things, photos of us and the bloody dog whining everytime she hears a car as she thinks its him coming home, and i just want to scream.

Claires no advice but hope it is ok to give you a hug ?

For what it's worth my first marriage year wasn't that great and we split temporarily at about 14 months. They say it is the hardest year, I can vouch it really was.

I think either he needs to make a decision about what he wants and work at it, or sadly you are going to have to decide what you want to do. Is there anyone you can go and see/chat with/down a large glass of wine with? If you are down south I have small but usually padded shoulders!

x

I have no practical advice to add I'm afraid but just wanted to say that I hope things work out for you both ?

thanks for the hug. i am ooop north though. i dont really have anyone to talk to. all my mates are married with young kids and i dont really want to burden them My h thinks i have loads of work mates, but they really are work aquaintences, no one i really confide in. i havent really told my parents what sgoing on. i said we were having problerms, but made out it was both of us, not just him, as i dont want them to think badly of him. i have a hitched buddy, who i text and email who has been a god send and i love her to bits? but she is miles away. (sorry for being fluffy but you know who you are x ) i think thats half the problem really, i dont have anyone to offload to.

Thanks KT - long time no see.

Poor you, that's hard. First thing though you won't be burdening people if they care about you....

I think sometimes offloading to an place like this might help. I really feel for you.

when are you next seeing/speaking to your H? Sorry if I don't reply tonight I will be going to bed soon but I will look out for you tomomorrow x

Thanks Kaz.

i am expecting to hear from him this morning, to tell me if he is coming back today.

Claires have been thinking of you, and couldn;t find the post to start with (numpty icon). Hope your H has contacted you today and you are feeling better for just venting on here ?

Thanks ? he text me earlier to say he will be back later. He has found out he may have a bit of work as well, possibly starting tomorrow, but maybe next week. Its in the midlands so he may be away all week, but him having a job should hopefully make him feel better about things. Doesnt sort out everything, but its a start

Thanks for thinking about me x

Claires, I really, really hope that you get the chance to see your H today, how horrible this must be.

To give the flip side of the story, I got married last year at 24, and have really struggled to get my head round it at times. I only mention this because I have done the exact same thing, albeit in not such a drastic way, of 'blaming' H when things haven't gone my way, or if I use our marriage as a bit of an excuse for other stuff that I have been unhappy about.

However, we have come out the other side of this one (our anniversary is in August), and it is mostly down to the fact that I never doubted H's love. I have absolutely no idea how he coped with a particularly bad outburst, but he must have realised it wasn't him so much as me. That love made me rapidly realise what I did have, and that it was pretty awesome, but it must have been absolutely horrific for him.

Claires, where in Yorkshire are you? I am North Yorkshire and if I can help by listening then let me know ?

Claires, where in Yorkshire are you? I am North Yorkshire and if I can help by listening then let me know ?

GP - thanks, its good to hear the other side.

Pickled Eggs - i am in South Yorkshire, near Sheffield. He is on his way back now, so hopefully things may be sorted out, one way or the other. Thanks xxx

Claires - no practical advise from me but just wanted to send you a huge ?

x