My Mum is not going to make it to our wedding

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Losing a parent is such an awful thing made worse when it's supposed to be a happy time. We are all here for you and the ladies this has happened to I'm sure can give you better advise but I'm sending you a big hug. I'm sure your dad is feeling exactly the same and he needs you as much as you need him at the moment so I think a hug and a cry together would be good for both of you while you try to stay strong for mum. Xxx

I'm sorry to hear it hunni, my friend went through a very similar thing when she got married and I know it hurts. A good cry will help, taking will help, hiding it away won't. Funnily enough your dad might must have the same feeling about your wedding as it's a huge event in your life, talk to him he might need to talk too. Remember that you don't have to be strong for others, just get through this how you need to x

Oh hun I'm so SO sorry to hear this

Please just focus on being with your family right now. We all have moments we don't like each other, but we love each other all the same. Show her now how much you love her unconditionally.

My heart is breaking at the fact that she won't be at your Wedding - that's really tough to bear hopefully when you are in a better place, you'll be able to commemorate her on the day.

I know you're trying to be really strong for your family, but you need to grieve properly too. Too often I try to be everybody's rock, crying in secret, only to have a huge breakdown later on. Grieve openly - you're losing a mother; that's not something you should feel selfish at crying over.

Always here for you if you need someone

xxx

You have all my thoughts and prayers

I know how you are feeling when i got married first time round Aug 2003 my dad died the April before

we all knew he wouldn't make it but we never discussed it, we still talked about getting him his suit and even joked about decorating his wheelchair with flowers

i think it actually helped me to not talk about it in the months up to him passing, i still focused on the wedding

my wedding day was hard my brother gave me away but dad was there still we had emotional speeches but as hard as this may sound it didn't take anything away from the day

if you need to talk or need to just rant message me ill be happy to listen xx

I am truly sorry to hear your devastating news. It is not at all selfish to be feeling so sad that she won't be at your wedding, I can't begin to imagine how that must feel for you.

I agree with the rest of the ladies on this thread, you are entitled to cry your heart out & it may even help to clear your head a little bit. It is okay to want to be strong for everyone, but it is also okay to speak to them about how they are feeling. I hope you can all get through this difficult time together. Sending lots of strength to you all.xx

Having lost my MIL in January to Cancer (we got married on November 5th so she never got the chance to see her son get married either), we had the same problems as yourself.

The final stages of cancer are emotionally exhausing for everyone involved and you will need to have an outlet for your emotions away from family members as they will have their own problems to work through.

As much as you wont want to do my next suggestion, read up on the final stages so you know what to expect and recognise signs such as terminal delerium/restlessness as its very upsetting if you dont understand it. My OH didnt and got very upset when he saw and heard things he wasnt expecting.

Lastly on the day of th wedding, it will be emotional but you will get through it. Have a cry, have a photo of your mum at the top table, have a moments silence for her, but do what is right for you and dont be ashamed to let it all out wherever you are. I broke down in the middle of the supermarket once but looking back, I dont care as I needed the relief!

I'm so sorry Katie, what an awful time for you - you're in my thoughts.

Please try not to dwell on the past too much - what matters is that you're there for her now & you'll all do your best for her now when she needs you. It's not selfish at all to be thinking about her not being there at your wedding - it's a huge life event & it's natural for your thoughts to turn to what she'll be missing.

Be kind to yourself, remember you can always come on here to let off steam, & take care of yourself & your loved ones xxx

That's terrible news and I really feel for you. I'll be thinking and praying for you guys.

You're not selfish being sad that your mum won't be there - that's a totally natural thing to feel. For now just focus on what's right in front of you. One disaster at a time (which is how I cope with life) - deal with your mums situation, try and spend as much time with her as you can and don't focus too much on the future.

And cry as much as you need to - let it out. And come here to vent. There's always a friendly ear.

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Life can be so unfair at times.

I'm so sorry that you having to go through this. You could be me back this Summer. My mum was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer back in May 2015 and died in June 2016 (we also looked after her at home in her final days), 2 months before my wedding. Her getting cancer had been the final push we had needed to finally get married, so it was a real kick that she missed it after being so close to seeing it.

It is not going to be easy at all, but you need to be strong for your family and most of all your mum right now and make her final days as nice as possible. Also, it probably sounds too much right now, but ask her if there's any songs she would like played at the wedding, or get a wedding card for yourself and get her to write you a message in it. That sounds stupid I know, but my mum was a massive crafter and we found the wedding card she had made us but she'd forgotten the write in it a couple of weeks after her passing.

What you are feeling is not selfish at all, and another important thing to remember is that when your mum does pass, you will be probably feel a little bit relived she is not suffering anymore, I know I was. Don't feel guilty about that either.

Your mum would want you to enjoy your wedding day, so I hope after a while you manage to carry on enjoying the planning process. Tough times are ahead, but at least you have your family around you and beautiful wedding day to look forward to.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. This is awful and my heart it breaking for you. Some of these ladies who have posted have said some amazing things, I really can't add anything new or different - I'm not good in these situations unless you want me to cry for/with you!

Remember to keep talking about how you are feeling, and don't feel selfish about grieving xxx

Thank you all for your emotional and practical support. It is really helping and good to know I have an outlet here. Beckcible I remember your loss and I can't remember if I offered you anything at the time - I remember being scared of reading your threads becuase there was a chance it could happen to me and I wasn't ready to face it yet. I've got her room all ready for her - just waiting for the bed to arrive before she can leave the hospital.

I'm so sorry to read this. I can't imagine how you feel right now.

You shouldn't feel selfish, it's difficult not to but that's how you feel and we can't help our thoughts especially at such sad times.

Take your time to grieve and cry but try not to hide away from it all too much.

Oh MASSIVE hugs sweetie. You're so brave and I'm sure she's incredibly proud of you, and whatever happens she'll be there beside you on your wedding day, in spirit if not in body. Don't feel guilty about mentioning your wedding to the family when the time feels right. Your mum would want you to love every moment of it and have everyone celebrating with you.

x

Ah sweetie - I am so sad to read this.

How are you today xx

Sorry to hear you're going through this. My mum had cancer and was on chemo for three years, but in August it suddenly accelerated too, and she came home to me for palliative care. It was only a few months ago and I was in such a daze. In some ways it feels like it happened years ago.

Those days before she came home were the most emotional for me, even though she'd been ill for so long it was like being hit with a sledgehammer, and I got very very upset about the idea that she wouldn't just be on the end of the phone anymore, I couldn't exchange text messages with her about the day-to-day things we were up to - they seemed like minor, shallow things, but what hits you in those days, I think, are symbolic things like that. Things that seem ultimately unimportant, but are clearly really meaningful to you. For me, just those simple thoughts were so painful, and so the idea of her not being at your wedding must be hell. This isn't selfish at all of you. It's a symbolic event and of course it's painful that she won't be there.

Once my mother had come home, I was so focussed on caring for her that I forgot everything else. I went from sobbing for days on end to not crying at all, but just getting on with the job. I agree with the poster who said it is helpful to understand the signs of the final stages - the Macmillan forums really helped for that.

In any case, at this time in our relationship, my partner and I had only loosely talked about getting married. We knew we wanted to do it but we've both been married before and perhaps were less motivated than we'd otherwise have been. Suddenly though, watching my mum and dad together in those last weeks and feeling this sense of somehow losing my family, or at least my family as I knew it... well, suddenly I wanted to get married as soon as possible. I had a strong need to forge a new family, a strong need to bind my family together, make things permanent, feel more secure. I'm aware that this could be the worst reason in the world to get married. But part of me also suspects that it just might be the best.

My mum died three months ago and my wedding is in two weeks. I'm not having a big celebration because, well, there's no time to plan it, and I really just don't feel like big celebrations are appropriate for me right now. I'm having a reading that was meaningful to her. I'll carry two silver sixpences that have the year of her birth and the year of her marriage on them. and I'll go straight to her grave afterwards to give her my bouquet. These are the only ways I know how to have her present.

Probably none of this helps because everything is so painful for you and the plans you've made are that she's supposed to be there but won't be, and that will be an unavoidable thing to face. I suppose what I'm saying is that there may be ways find comfort in your wedding. I hope that you can, and I hope that the next phase as as peaceful as possible for her and your family.

Katie I'm so sorry to read this, I can't even imagine how you are feeling. Know we're all here for you xxxx

Once again thanks for your kind words and wishes. I've had a couple of days away from it with some friends and I'm heading back tomorrow. It's been good to be away from it for a while although if course it's been on my mind. I can talk about it now too which I think is going to be better for me than shying away from it. Scallieagain, thank you so so much for your advice and just sharing how it felt for you. Your words have helped me enormously. I'm getting her buttonhole made up now and if I think it's what she wants I'll give it to her.

I cannot offer any help or advice, but I am so sorry and my sincerest condolences. *massive internet hugs*

I know this may not be helpful, but make sure you eat and look after yourself as well even if you don't fancy it, just have half a sandwich or something.

You are certainly not selfish, far from it, and do discuss wedding things with her, it may help her feel like a mum and not an ill person.

Hope you are ok, and we're always here ? xx

I'm so sorry to hear this, sending you lots of love and strength xx

I have no words of wisdom to offer you but just want you to know I have shed a tear for you and your Mum reading this and to send you hugs, strength and love xx

Once again, I really appreciate all your thoughts and wishes. I gave her the buttonhole and she was pleased - said she'd wanted to bring up the wedding but we were all too scared to mention it. On the strength of it I've arranged for my wedding dress to come in early - the shop(Swanky Bride Kirkburton) and designer(So Sassi) have been amazing - rushed it through with a weeks notice for me so i can go and get it next week. I'm still undecided as to whether the best thing to do is show her but I'll see how I feel and how strong I think she is when I get it on Thursday. We've had a tough week - back in hospital with hopes raised and dashed again, deciding to go into a hospice and then changing plans, and worst of all thanks to an nhs mixup, a night without the morphine she is heavily reliant on. But we're back home now and in a fairly calm place.

We lost my mum yesterday. The support I got from you guys on here in this thread has really helped me, emotionally and practically. I never got to show her my wedding dress in the end, but that may be better for me as I won;t have that memory to fight with on the day.

Oh katie, I'm so sorry to read this. Thinking of you and your family at this devastating time. Sending lots of love xxxx

Oh Katie I'm so sorry to read this. Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time, we're all here for you xxx

Oh I'm so sorry. Sending SO much love your way, pet ? Remember to be really really kind to yourself for the next few months and give yourself space to get your thoughts and feelings together. We're all here if you need to talk!

xxxxxx

So very sorry xx

Everything has been said by others but big hugs to you so sorry for your loss. There will always be someone here if ever you want to chat. Take care of yourself. Xx

I'm so sorry to read this Katie. We will never know how you feel but to an extent I know a little bit.

I can only draw from my own personal experiences and tell you that when my mum went, my immediate priority was to be there for my dad and brother and to make sure we all looked after each other. In a way, the wedding was a blessing as it was good to focus on during that awful time. You are going to be amazed at just how strong you can be when really needed. My now husband was a star as well, as I'm sure your has been/is/is going to be.

In a way, I did a lot of my grieving before she died as I couldn't believe it was happening and its only now that I feel sadder because it's really sunk in now that Christmas has arrived. When the sad times come to you, don't fight them just accept them and let ypurself grieve.

I'm glad you got to talk with your mum about the wedding before she passed, I'm sure she loved that. I'm so sorry that she won't be there with you, but I'm sure you still have a wonderful day, trust me, you will be so busy that you won;t have time to be sad!

I'm not on here an awful lot anymore but feel free to PM me if you need.

Becky x

I didn't want to read this and run. I am so sorry for you loss. It will be a tough time for you but I just wanted to echo what everyone else has already said. Look after yourself and we are all here if you need us xx