Need advise - Might be suffering from a case of cold feet

Hi Hun,

It sounds like your personal problems, and your friends situations are getting to you. Like you said he's your best friend, and you dont argue

When I first got engaged my parents went through a very nasty divorce which resulted in my mum nearly passing away, and I had serious doubts about my own relationship, which ended up with me calling it off. A year later im now back on track with it all, and am glad I didnt destroy the relationship

Being at home is probably making things difficult as you cant get away from anything, maybe have a weekend away with some friends, Im sure you will miss your partner the whole time, and might get things back on track

I think everyone gets cold feet at some point, but just remember why you go engaged and try not to let other people give you doubts, every relationship is different

Hope this helps in some way

Sarah

xxx

Hi,

Sorry to hear you are having a bit of a rough time. I honestly think you do need to speak to your h2b about it because relationships are about ups and downs and how you come out at the other side is important so you need his support.

Having concerns about getting married I think it's normal, it's a very big decision after all. Needing time alone doesn't need to be a bad thing either.

Hugs xx

Thank you both for your replies,

I just need confirmation that i wasnt going mad and that as i thought it was a case of cold feet with personal issues mixed in.

I dont argue, we used to before we got enagaged but since then we havent other than the odd time (but who doesnt).

I think the whole of my personal problems are the blame and the fact of my friends. Our Sex life has suffered too due to the stress of the personal problems.

All i know it that i do love him and when i think of him not been there i get upset.

x

I think any personal issues really can get in the way of things, and can make you doubt everything going on in your life

Maybe try and have a little weekend away with him just to give yourself a break and relax together

It sounds like you really do want to be with him, and want to feel better about it all, so im sure its just a case of too much stress

Welcome to Hitched! Sorry to hear about your personal problems but it sounds to me like a mix of issues. Working for many people is valuable time away from your partner which helps with your feelings of self worth & self respect & I know as a stay at home mum I am finding it hard not having regular time away from the home - could it be the same thing is happening to you? That along with seeing what you obviously considered to be a very stable relationship breaking up & all the stresses of wedding planning, it has probably all built up & got a bit much.

Is there anything you can do or anywhere you can go where you can get some 'you' time so you don't just feel like you are stuck at home? I do think you need to tell your OH that you are having a few issues but it sounds like you really don't want to split up as you said 'I do love him and i couldnt live my life without him. ' which pretty much answers how you feel about your OH. If you are careful how you word it there is no reason why you should upset your OH - make it plain that you are having issues but it isn't about how you feel about him. Marriage is a huge commitment & I think everybody who enters into it seriously has a few 'wobbles' prior to the wedding because no-one wants to end up getting divorced. Have you had any serious relationships prior to this relationship or is it your only 'big' relationship?

Hi,

I have sorta talked to him about it in ways that i know wont upset him like we talked about the fact because our friends have split up its made me question things as they were together a long time and were perfect. i think i said something like i dont want that to happen to us. He then said that we were different to them and that it wont happen to us.

In terms of my personal issues thats resulted in our sex lift been affeacted. He knows of my problems and is supportive of me and helping me to get over the problems. He also is understanding as to way sex hasnt been as often. We used to have sex 3 times and week now we're lucky if its 1 time every 2 weeks (i know that will be fixed tho as we have a really good sex life without my problems).

The only part i havent talked about is the fact of my cold feet and that how its affecting the way i think. But if i can get my head in the right place in the other 2 hopefully that feeling will go away.

Maybe a weekend is what we need.

The feeling comes and goes, which is good right???

Im excited about our wedding which is a good sign right?? and im still planning so it cant be serious.

I've had relastionships before but nothing as serious or big as this.. i think thats why im confused

x

Its definately good thing that its only something that comes and goes, as is a sign its just nerves getting to you

Maybe being your first really serious relationship might be a bit of pressure, but your partner sounds very supportive

Its great that your excited about the wedding, as you are thinking of the future and being together

I think it is harder to commit if you haven't had other serious relationships. In my first 'big' relationships where I lived with my ex on & off for 5 years I was absolutely crazy about him but the thought of settling down in my early 20's left me feeling like I was missing out on a lot of fun - no more first kisses or first dates, the excitment of being chatted up by a stranger etc. Do you think that might be part of the problem?

No thats not the problem at all. to be honest im so pleased i dont have to do the whole dating thing again. I hated it, meeting awful men that really didnt respect or care for u.

My H2B is perfect he respects me, he loves me, he cares for me and im the same. i dont miss anything about the whole dating thing.

IF anything im scared of been on my own and not having him there. and i think thats why my friends spliting up has affected me so much.

x

In that case I think you need to organise some quality time with your OH without even thinking about the wedding for a bit just to remind yourself how great he is & how special your relationship is. Then organise some girly time with your friends so you both get a bit of space & you remind yourself how much you miss him when he isn't around. I think you'll be fine & you are simply getting cold feet which are exacebated by everything else going on which is completely understandable!

If im honest i can relate to this in a way. I had a case of cold feet just before xmas. For reasons i cannot really describe. I love my finace very much and he really is the perfect finace in everyway. Things started to get on top of me and the opposite to you, i was hardly seeing him to due to work committments of his and mine.

I felt so confused at the time and it was horrible. In the end, i sat down with him and explained how i felt. We talked it through, and yes he was upset. In the end i realised what it was that had made me feel this way.

Now i am soo much happier, i am so excited about our wedding i could burst. Just like when we got engaged 2 years ago.

Hope this helps xx

It souds like you may have a bit of depression!! I suffer with this. Have since I was a child and I know the thoughts that can go through your head. You can feel really insecure etc.