Negative grandparents

My great Aunt said this to me, she's in good health really, however she is 90, she was just being matter of fact about it I think. These days it's very normal to plan weddings 1-3 years in advance, that wasnt the way when they were young. Don't worry! xx

Firstly, congratulations on your engagement and setting a date!!

Secondly, this is about you and your Hubby to be not your Grandparents. If you can't afford the wedding you want right now and need to wait to save up then that is what you need to do.

I know it can be hard, especially when you want people there but if you rush to have a quick wedding just to 'make sure' they can attend then you may not end up with the wedding you want as you will have cut corners and costs.

My Grandma passed away a year ago but she'd been saying for the last 10 years she might not be around for any event we ever planned! lol!

I get marrried in just under 7 weeks and i only have one grandparent still alive, i also don't have my Dad as he passed away in 2008, yes i will be sad they're not there but i will never lose my memories of them and the importnat thing is i am marrying the man i love in the way i want to.

Besides, at 75 - 85 they're still spring chickens compared to some grandparents so who knows... you can't worry and panic on a 'what if' xx

We planned our wedding in 8 months because my Mum is in her 70s and has lots of health issues. We didn't feel that rushed, but there are little details we aren't having just because we didn't have enough time to save for them. I think it's personal choice. I desperately wanted my Mum to be at our wedding and to help with the planning, and so that's why we decided this year rather than next, just in case. It has definitely added stress, although, as H2B pointed out the other day, I am a stressy person, so it wouldn't matter how long we had to plan, I'd find things to stress about! No one can predict the future, so you should do what you want to do.

x

Unless you know that someone has health issues that mean they may not make it until your wedding, I wouldn't suggest moving the date of a wedding on age alone.

The fact is, none of us know when our time is up. My dad died suddenly at 55 yet his mother is still with us at 91, and I fully expect her to be at our wedding in June. Yet of course we are realistic and it would be incredibly sad if she were not to make it. However, she sees me and H2B happy already - she knows that our love is true and strong, and although we would all love her to be at the wedding, if she ends up watching the proceedings with my Dad from above, then she will still be with us somehow.

So, like I say, unless you know someone only has so much time, I would stick to getting the wedding you want. But you'll have to get used to the comments, I'm afraid - old people have a habit of churning those phrases out frequently. Rather like talking about the weather....it's a form of conversation!

Oh wow, my Nan also said this to me, I didn't realise how common it is!

We booked our wedding 18 months ahead, and at first she was very blasé about it all and I didn't think she wanted to come. She then explained she didn't think she would still be around.

My Nan is around 75 and in very good health, so I had no concerns about her not making it and didn't even consider it when booking. Unless someone is very ill I don't think you can arrange your wedding around it, its something very much out of your control.

I have a grandfather and 2 grandmothers and my h2b has one grandma/grandpa set left. My grandmother is unwell and h2b grandma was given a diagnosis of terminal cancer in February, with an estimation of 12months to live. We got engaged in August and after a frank discussion with family agreed that the important thing for us was to be married and we would very much like all remaining grandparents present and so we are getting married in 10 weeks (16 weeks from engagement to wedding).

I can at times be a little 'anti-wedding' as I am really uncomfortable with spending so much money on one day and don't think its the most important or special day of my life. I didn't want a long engagement so 4 months has suited me fine- I find wedding planning a bore (just so you know where I am coming from- not a judgement on others).

We had very little money (about 4k), family have been very generous, including the grandparents and have doubled it. This has still been tight though for a wedding for 90 people (we both have large families) and we are doing with out things, such as wedding cars, suit hire, my dress was bought in the sale etc. But H2B and I don't mind because what is important to us is that we are married and our family are there to see it. Our grandparents are sooo incredibly happy that we have considered them being there, though all have said we needn't have.

On the other none of our grandparents (or parents for that matter) have any idea how expensive weddings are, and when we have mentioned it they have been amazed (usually commenting with things such as, why don't you just have a hog roast, which we are, and is costing £2000!).

At the end of the day you have to do what is right for you, for us, a less extravagant wedding where grandparents could be present was right for us, only you and your H2B know what is right for you. And if they are currently in good health they'll probably make it anyway- our wedding has certainly given H2Bs gran something to aim for.

Best wishes for whatever path you choose.

I dont have this problem really as I have lost most my grandparents (1 left out of the 10 I had - lots of remarriages in our family in all generations) and my OH has none

my nana passed away just 10 months ago at new year and I had wanted her at my wedding but actually removed her from the list a year before she died because it wouldn't of been fair to drag her to a wedding (very late stage dementia, she was just a babbling shell by the last 2 year and didnt know who anyone was so plonking her in a busy room would or just been stressful and confusing for her)

a lot of my family (ok basically all) are 'seriously' ill (as in what they have COULD kill them at any moment) but us lot have survived this long so why think morbidly, I think its all become pretty common place now and I dont think about it

In reply to the one about cost... you can get married (including legal fees) for £120... anything else is 'additional extras' and that's exactly how my family view it:

* get married in the registry (£120 - £300 depending on guest numbers and day etc...)

* book the workies back room (free by the way)

* make some sandwiches (£10 maybe)

everything else is just extra add on's too my family that they pick and choose from which equals a wedding for under £1000 usually

I think my family would pass out if I ever said I was spending £10,000 on party extras lol

No, you are certainly not too far in advance. We booked ours for June 2016 and that was back in March earlier this year. The next time they say anything, just laugh and tell them they have lots more time to get excited and help you with the wedding planning. Also, it will give them something to look forward to. You are definitely not being selfish. You can't move your wedding on the off-chance that somebody might die just because they're 85. People live to a lot later these days and the thought of watching their granddaughter get married will keep them going!

I have the exact same situation! My nan keeps 'joking' that she wont be here in 2016 when we get married! At first I laughed it off, but now I am worried she wont be.

We have already booked everything though and I keep telling her she will be there!

My grandparents are 90 and 85, and h2b's granddad is 99! h2b's granddad is house-bound and has been for a few years, so we always knew he couldn't make it, and he is fine with that. He's pretty insistent he's not going anywhere, so has never moaned he might be dead before the wedding day (and he turns 100 two weeks after the wedding).

My grandparents are another story... grandmother in early stages of Alzhiemers (but doing well on medication), and granddad is generally OK but a bit frail. Neither of them will make the trip from Florida. It made our decision of where to get married hard, but in the end, our life is in the UK, and i've been here for 7 years now. They are really upset by it and can't understand why we want to get married here, but as much as i love them, i stand by our decision to marry surrounded by family AND friends.

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. My head was saying were being sensible but there was a little niggle telling me we were being selfish.

Fingers crossed we'll have an amazing day and the grandparents will still be around on our 10th anniversary!!! X

What you have to remember with grandparents is that most organised a wedding between 6weeks to 3 months, then heir children would have been 3 months to 6 months and they wouldn't be aware of the costs now or everything that goes along with it. We had the same from the OH grandparents last christmas as we were booking for June 2015 - we told them not to be silly and that we were having it in Cambridgeshire specifically for them (we live in Scotland) so they better be there.

Bizarrely for one of his grandmothers I think looking forward to something and wanting to be around is giving her hope to get going - she gave up years ago when her husband died.