New bridesmaid wanted.....must be reliable and a good friend!! UPDATED!!! ANOTHER UPDATE....

Sounds like they dont even need to be a good friend just a decent person with at least an once of consideration!!

Oh yes you can. I know other people never have the same excitement for our weddings that we do, but being a bridesmaid is a position of responsibility, so I suggest you remind her of this and say she can either not do the job/role but she won't be a bridesmaid, or continue being a bridesmaid, but you expect her help with your day.

Do you and I have the same bridesmaid?

Mine is saying she, too, cannot afford to come on my hen night - even though she's known about it for months.

I am fully prepared to un-bridesmaid her if she doesn't come. You should do the same.

I ditched 2 of my bridesmaids before the wedding, and don't regret it for a second! The 2 that remained were absolutely spot on and couldn't have been any more amazing. One of mine, like yours, couldn't afford my hen do and kicked off saying she couldn't afford her dress - which I was paying for anyway so how that worked I'm not sure - but could afford £500 for a puppy and train fares and hotels to chase a band all over the country every weekend. I think it's worth saying something beforehand to her, ask if she would prefer to attend as a guest so she is reponsibility-free.

OMG - I thought it was just me in this situation!!

My BM has been my best friend for over 20 years, but ever since I got engaged she has been distant and difficult towards me. She actually went through a marraige breakdown 2 years ago so I was extremely considerate to her and not even mentioning the wedding so I wouldn't upset her in any way. However 2 years later she is still being difficult and generally has a 'poor me' attitude and is completely uninterested in anything wedding related - all she is interested in is being out with single friends and getting smashed! I actually feel uncomfortable even asking her to come and order a BM dress or asking her opinion on anything. My wedding is now in 5 months and I am very worried how this is going to turn out! I am very tempted to de-BM her but I am worried it will end our friendship....

Arrggghh!! Why do weddings bring out the worst in people?!

Thanks for letting me rant Ladies

x

Sounds like there are quite a few of us who have been in the same position! Look on the brightside, my bridesmaid said she probably wouldn't be coming to my wedding!! All sorted out now, but after a lot of strong words were exchanged.

I would say if you aren't sure you want her there, tell her! It's your wedding and you should have everything exactly how you want it, and if that doesn't include her, then tell her! Like other posters have said, being a bridesmaid comes with responsibilities, and she can't just ditch you!

Or try and explain to her how she is making you feel? This is what I did, and we managed to get it sorted, turned out as maxine said that she just didn't have the same excitement and hadn't really thought about what she was saying/how it seemed all so close to the wedding, and that of course she would be there, she was just having a few logistical issues!

Lovely how some people treat their 'friends' isnt it? Wait until its her getting married and she'll realise what a rubbish friend she was to you! Keep her as your bridesmaid but just allocate all duties to one of your reliable bm's. x Try not to worry - its your day and you'll have a fabulous time regardless x

I ditched my chief bridesmaid 2 weeks before the wedding, we've never talked since and I don't regret it. I remember coming on here at the time totally stressed out and a lovely OM said simply "after everything she's done why would you even want her at your wedding". x

Talk to her. From this it sounds like shes using money as a excuse for alot of things - if she had concerns she should have talked to you when booking the hen night and before she booked a holiday.

i don't think she is reliable enough to be a friend, let alone a bridesmaid. I hope she sees this when you point it out to her.

You, Ali and me all must have the same one.

Had crisis talks last week, things unremarkably better...

I'm unsure what to do next aswell!

I think you definitely need to talk to her, I am a bridesmaid soon (MOH ?) and have taken my responsibilites very seriosly, its all in the name Brides Maid, you are there to help the bride. There was a previous MOH, who never actually wanted to do it anyway but wouldnt admit it and made the brides life hell, she was a nasty cow to put it nicely. In the end this finally came out after months of stress and she got struck off. Now everything is all lovely again. Definitely have words! even if it makes things worse now it will be worth it by your wedding.

So after a few words with my bridesmaid i told her I don't want her to be my bridesmaid so she said she wants the money for the dress (all bridesmaids have paid for their own dress) OH and my mum have said your not paying for dress youve got enough to pay for so dont know what to do.

I gave her another chance at the weekend (stupid i know!) if she came to the makeup trial, of course she made up the excuses.

Today she text me saying I dont know if I want to be a bridesmaid as its too much hassle!!! WTF!!!

Cant believe how shes acting!!

If that's the case then I would tell her to get stuffed and seeing as she's the one backing out, she's not getting any money for the dress. My BMs are so excited that I've asked them to be part of my wedding and even my close friends who aren't BMs are over the moon just to be invited and have all offered to help me in any way they can even though they live over 300 miles away.

DO NOT let her ruin your day! xx

She's not a friend. No one who cares even one inch for you would ever say being an important part of your day is "too much hassle". Dump her.

Hi all

I totally sympathise with everyone who is having bridesmaid trouble. If anyone previously read my posts then they will know that ive had a few problems with mine. Lately i decided that i would see how long it took for her to txt or ring me childish u might say but it always seems to be me and we havent spoke since the 17th june and i was the one who rang her. She has never seemed interested in my wedding or even if im ok. I hate confrontation but maybe this is my way of telling her i dont want her to be bridesmaid. I probably will lose our 20yr friendship which i am really sad about but life is too short and i need to get on with mine.

sorry for rant aswell x

So this is still going on but I told her its best shes not a bridesmaid.....and now shes wanting me to pay for the dress and is saying im a bad friend and she wouldnt dare ask someone not to be a bridesmaid then still ask them to come to the wedding.....so shes not coming now to the wedding. I thought i'd be grown up about it and not fall out with her but she said its best to call it a day and not bother with each other.

Sorry but shes been a bad friend to me for years and I say shes not a bridesmaid and im the bad friend....HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN! ?

Forget her. Concentrate on your friends who ARE excited and happy for you. Weddings have a way of showing you who your real friends are.