new member and a question

Hello & Welcome! ?

I was brought up Catholic (although i'm not practising) and my OH is "nothing" like you. We settled on a civil ceremony. As much as I would've liked a church wedding, I know that I too would be a bit of a fraud as I don't go to church anymore. My OH didn't want a church wedding as he would be "lying" and since it's our day not mine, a civil ceremony was a perfect compromise.

Hi and welcome.

We're in the same situation... we're flying off and getting married on a beach! I don't suppose this helps you! Speak to your OH, let her read your post. There are many options. It doesn't have to be a church, it's just about the marriage not the wedding.

Hello and welcome.

Me and OH are both "nothing" and didn't want a church wedding - although our parents both did for us. We felt the same as you - that it would be fraudulent. I think if you explain it, she should hopefully be happy?

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I would have felt very hypocritical getting married in a church as neither I, nor OH, have any beliefs.

My other opinion is about the closing line in a religious ceremony "by the power invested in me by god" - well, we don't believe in a god, so to us that would have been a pointless ceremony, if you see what I mean? I don't think I'm explaining it very well but basically, if I don't believe in a god, it follows that I can't believe the person performing the ceremony has any 'power'...

I'd explain it to your OH and see how important it is to her to get married in a church.

That is the same reason why we decided on a civil ceremony. I didn't want to take the p of anyones religion by only going to church for 6 weeks before getting married and I would feel awkward going there anyway.

We are still going to be having a "dream" wedding but it will be our way and not the "conventional" way at the end of the day, it doesn't matter where you get married, it's who you marry that makes the day more special ?

Thanks all for answering, the better half understands how i feel but the thing is she and her family are both catholic, they go to church regularly, is their a way around the ceremony so that i won't feel out of place and we can still get married in her parish church?

her family are close with the father at the parish and she wants him to marry us, should i go and sit down with him over a cuppa and see what he can suggest?

How about a civil ceremony and a church blessing? this is something my mum did when she married my stepdad x

thats exactly us but reversed, she's slowly gone less and less since we met and me being the one who never goes lol,

she wants her local chapel, the father from the church goes round her mums regularly for tea, her dad works at the chapel doing the gardening during the summer and the priest has seen my OH grow from a child until now,

I'm happy with that too, was the priest easy going about you not being catholic?

was there anything different in the service?

the only thing i have said is i don't mind our hopeful future children being brought up catholic but if they chose to not go then there won't be any pressure from us.

Andy i come from an Irish catholic background so they dont get much more religious than that trust me!! Having said that i personally dont go to church and havent been for years. After reading yoru first post i would say this, marriage is about doing something that makes the other person happy not yourself. from what you wrote you do not mind standing in a church but would feel slightly hypocritical or as though you were offending other people, instead of thinking of it like that think of it as you doing something for your future wife that will make not only her but her family happy as well. You may not believe in 'The Church' but you obviosly believe in marriage so if you neither believe or dont believe (and there is a difference) then i dont think people will have a problem. As there are fewer and fewer true catholics around priest are becoming more relaxed about non catholics. I would sit down with the priest and see what he says.

There are 2 ways to get married in a church - the marriage ceremony on it's own or incorporated in a full chruch service.

I'd say a very good compromise would be having just the ceremony.

Thanks everyone, you've helped us out no end, it's good to know others are going through or have gone through similar circumstances,

now to get on with the planning!