New member hello (and, bit overwhelmed)

Congratulations!!

Know exactly how you feel.. I HATED venue searching. Felt like all I was doing was googling and reading venue websites and brochures for about 6 hours per day after work (In reality, I actually was!!). It took weeks to get my head round it and work out what prices were good, what were ridiculous etc. Even brochures weren't entirely clear on how bespoke they would/could make your day and it wasn't until actually visiting venues that they would tell you what you can't change (Mostly everything in my case!).

Wedding breakfast is just the fancy name for the meal after the ceremony.. My other half thought we were taking our bridal party to a greasy cafe in the morning and even 'bagsied' his fav truckstop cafe for his Groomsmen. I had to explain it didn't mean a fry-up, doofus!

I totally hear you on them not giving straight answers! I actually emailed one venue that I liked the look of asking for a quote, gave her number of guests, date and what I required and she sent an email back skirting round the subject, so again I just asked as there was absolutely no prices in the wedding brochure she sent and on the website. Surely the most important thing is price as if you can't afford it there's no point getting your hopes up?! Again she emailed back without saying a price, even an estimate. So I didn't bother emailing back again. Wouldn't want to deal with a company who don't answer your questions. About a week later they emailed me again, a diff lady this time, asking if they could be of any other help.. So I emailed and said no because nobody would give me a straight answer and were very unhelpful. They then sent me a quote.. £6000 just for the room hire!!! Then you had to have the Wedding Breakfast which would have cost me another £3000. Ahh that's why they don't put it ont the website then, would have scared people off! It wasn't even that special, not for those prices round here!

I absolutely wasn't gonna pay extortionate prices for a meal after the ceremony so set about looking for venues that allowed you to skip that or didn't provide it. If you had to have it, I took them off the wish list. Then I started looking for a completely different venue for my reception. Main criteria being an evening buffet of £12 per head absolute Maximum or a place that allowed self catering. In the end I found a Castle that is going to serve Afternoon tea (Think vintage cream tea, scones, sarnies the lot) as my 'Wedding Breakfast' for my guests.. Then an Old Holy Trinity Church for my Reception which allows outside caterers in and full use of the big kitchen.. so we are now having a more substantial filling meal (But still quite informal) of jacket potatoes with tons of different filling choices and salad working out at less than £5 per head. The evening reception will be where we do hold the speeches etc rather than at our Afternoon tea. We've made a massive saving doing in this way and it will suit us much more. I find traditional wedding breakfasts a bit too formal and unlike us.

Don't give up, keep looking.. A huge weight will be lifted though once you find the perfect venue(s). I was a right moody cow whilst looking lol.. It drove me mad!

Welcome to Hitched! I think I've been quite lucky as all the local venues have an itemised menu rather than a package deal. But there's one venue that seems to think they can justify not only forcing couples to pay an extra £2000 for "exclusivity" plus £1000 to have a marquee in the garden.

Ok it's pretty but I still don't see how they can justify it! The venue we've gone for will be exclusively ours but we haven't had to pay extra for it. We turned one venue down because we didn't "click" with the coordinator.

You'll find your perfect venue! It just takes a bit of research and shopping around...

L x

Hey Annie, am nowehere near you so cant really help but just wanted to say welcome, and offer a bit of sympathy really. For me there really was only 1 venue, I spoke to others but I knew I wanted that one and I was willing to do what was necessary to get it, luckily the lady there is great and explained everything to me when I told her I didnt understand. She gave us a package price, then quoted a bespoke price, and then in the end I met with her and went through each point, and we crossed out what we didnt need, talked over eveything and agreed a price.

At the end of the day, you've never planned a wedding before so give yourself a break for needing a bit of help! This place is great for honest opinions, advice and general merryment! x

Hello and welcome to Hitched!!! ?

I hated venue searching on the net, we had the church that we wanted but finding a suitable reception venue afterwards was tricky. The one we found eventually had a package for out of season weddings which was sooo much cheaper than the same thing a month later.

Our package is split into day guests and evening guests. It's £5k for 60 guests - this includes venue hire, reception drinks, 3 course dinner, half a bottle of wine each, bubbly for the toasts and evening buffet. It is then £65 per head for an extras that we want over the 60. For the evening we can invite extra people and we pay for the buffet for 75% of them (so we are therefore not telling them exactly how many people are coming to the evening!!!)

The same package a month later was about £8k... so well worth having a wedding out of "season".

When you go and visit, have an idea in your mind what you want and be prepared to haggle!

If you need any help just shout - we are quite a helpful bunch!!!

Thanks everyone, appreciate the sympathy and glad it's not just me that feels this way about venues! Mrs C - we can't have it out of season, as it were, August is about the only time that can work for the family and friends we really want to be there. We want to do the same as you, split it into day and evening, with a buffet for the evening.

I'm beginning to see why people go to Vegas. And our landlords apparently just put a marquee in their garden!

Anyway, thanks. Also v. grateful to have the wedding breakfast thing explained.

I found the whole process infuriating!! I also thought the prices were extortionate! - when you could get hold of the prices.... it is like no venue wants to break cover first and show their hand, incase they get undercut! If you are like me on a budget it seems even worse as most places wanted more than our entire budget! As a result we are holding our wedding breakfast - hogroast and salad buffet in my parents village hall. To get what you want you may have to step back from all the grandeur - I had ideas of beautiful grounds, lakes, barns, manor houses, but just could not afford or justify the expense of them. Keep you chin up and think outside the box!

Hi and welcome to Hitched!

Am kinda still new myself, only got engaged on 7th October, and experincing similar problems to you - we are still venue hunting and by the sounds of things we may even become date buddies! as were looking at dates in July/August 2012 - we have no date set yet, were hoping that when we find the venue we like, see what dates they have available and go from there, but everything is very expensive - esp the drinks and meals, with some meals costing something stupid like £70 per head!!!!

Let us know how you get on x

We did find a really cheap village hall but I just thought - and I know it sounds snobby - that I'd feel cheated. Need to be realistic and all, but I know in my heart of my hearts I wouldn't be happy having it there (uh, because I burst into tears while looking at their website).

What we have realised is we have inflated our numbers a bit. After a bit of a prune of the guestlist, we are now looking at more like 50-60 for the wedding breakfast. We're having the ceremony at the town hall but I don't want to have the rest of it there (see above posts for how annoying they've been, plus I don't like their menus). Looking into hotels as they throw in loads of extra stuff like free accomm for bride and groom, cheap rooms for your guests, spa treatments, etc.

I just found a venue that does an all-inclusive package but for £45 a head which is a vast improvement...

I don't think you are being snobby and there are vast differences in the quality of village halls, I turned down on the basis it would be shared parking and there was a playpark next door, the one i have chosen is 5 years old super high ceilings huge patio area behind the building - stealing containers from people to decorate outside aswell as in, I think if you go for a hall it is good as you generally can pick your caterers but you will spend a bit more on decorations. Plus you have to do all the setting up yourself! oh and the cleaning afterwards....

Turns out the Town Hall could have directed me to their caterers' page which has a very good, very reasonable set of sample menus!

http://www.oxford.gov.uk/Direct/FostersEventCateringWeddingsOxford.pdf

Turns out, also, we don't even have enough people to qualify for their overpriced inclusive deals. *headdesk*

Can't type a long explanation of our horrific venue search because my youngest is wiggling and it's hard to type but just wanted to say hello and welcome to Hitched!

Hi there, I found the same and this is why I've hired a private 'holiday' venue for a week and limiting numbers to 40 throughout the whole day. I will have caterers to do afternoon tea and a buffet later on. We are getting married on a Wednesday also and have found vendors bending over backwards to accommodate us!

Welcome.... I'm going to go back to the start and read you post in full but just wanted to say hello ... if you're feeling a bit 'argh' then hitched is a great place to hang out and 'vent'!!!

SP x

Ooo, just seen this! We are also getting married in Oxfordshire in August 2012! Welcome to Hitched! ?

Can appreciate your venue frustrations, we've also found the prices round here crazy high, hence we opted for a village hall in a rural village called Wytham just outside of Oxford, the hall was built in the 1920's so it's actually quite pretty and has a roof with beams like a barn inside. We're getting married in the village church round the corner too. People will have to get taxi's there and back if they want to drink, but we have a fair few non-drinkers coming plus it's only a 20 min journey from Abingdon where we live and 10 mins from Oxford so not too bad I figure. If we have enough leftover in the budget we might consider laying a coach on later on!

Some city centre suggestions you might not have come across:

/venue-hire/ (Down South Parks Road)

http://www.vaultsandgarden.com/page6.html (Great cafe coverted from a chapel near the Bodliean)

Or have you tried The Coseners House in Abingdon?

Let me know if you want any more suggestions for suppliers and I'll help if I can - I've found it difficult sourcing suppliers in Oxford, seems to be a bit of a wedding blind spot!

xx

Thanks so much everyone! Liverbird - ooh, another August one! I know Wytham, that sounds like a lovely idea. We are currently looking at the Town Hall, Oxford Centre or Westwood Hotel but need to actually go and visit them. I'd rather not go too far out because most people would rather drink than drive, really, I think. My friend had a coach at her wedding and it went down really well so that's a good idea too. I know OH and I appreciated it!

Thank you SO MUCH for the links, it's much appreciated, had not thought of those, and thanks to everyone else who's posted too.

Re suppliers we are pulling a LOT of favours. Friends doing the band and DJing for free, also have friends who are wedding photographers and the best man is a jeweller so getting a lot of discounts. I have no idea what kind of suppliers I need yet (have only just learned what "wedding breakfast" means) but likewise if you need a photographer or anything recommending... or does suppliers mean venues? Honestly, totally not got the hang of the wedding jargon yet!!

xx

No problem. Definitely visit a few venues, you'll be able to get a much better feel for them then. Not heard of Oxford Centre/Westwood Hotel (I only moved to this area in June - my fiance is a native though!) but been to the Town Hall before, it's lovely in there, and smack bang in the middle of town - you'll definitely be the centre of attention there! ?

Suppliers is just anyone providing a service for the wedding I think, dress, cake, photographers, caterers, DJ etc etc! Already got our rings and have a photographer in mind (not entirely sure she's available though!), but do you mind me asking who your band/DJ is please? We were thinking of having a jukebox, but if we can find a reasonably priced band we'd probably prefer to have live music!

I hadn't heard of them either until about half a day ago...

http://www.the-oxford-centre.co.uk/

http://www.westwoodhotel.co.uk/

Just sort of canvassing prices at the moment - I know 2012 is a long way away, but we really want to make sure we get the venue we want. When we figure out what that is. Whereabouts are you? I am from Oxford and OH is from Didcot (absurdly we were born in the same hospital, grew up not too far from each other, knew the same people, went to the same places yet didn't meet until we were 27 and 33). We are living in London at the moment, but planning to move back to Oxford in June.

I don't know who the band and DJ actually are yet! Just that they are OH's friends and he has been talking to them about it (he knows a lot of musicky people and have kind of put him in charge of the music). But he knows a few good wedding bands and DJs. Can ask him for you and send you details of ours and some other recommendations if you like.

Hi Anniegirl,

Welcome to the forums from another Annie (well Anne really but close enough ?)

I totally share your venue nightmares. It was my least favourite part of the planning so far. We had an idea of what we thought was reasonable to pay based on our overall budget, and we found so many venues to be so inflexible and unaccommodating - not to mention incapable of responding to enquiries!

The first venue we had in mind was the one everyone goes to first around where I live, a beautiful building and grounds. We emailed them and they took over a week to get back to us - no prices were given despite our asking for them, just like you. We arranged to meet the wedding co-ordinator and in the meantime had a look at their website which quoted a package deal for £4k, which we thought was reasonable, although the options were quite restrictive. When we finally got to meet the wedding co-ordinator, she explained that (in spite of the info on the website) that deal was only available from November to March. We wanted a late spring wedding. All the same we thought we'd have a look around and see whether it was worth considering.

When we got to have a look round the venue things got worse. The wedding breakfast room was beautiful, but the dining room, the bar and the dancefloor were in three separate rooms. We were only planning on having around 70 people to the wedding, and to split them three ways could 'lose' a lot of people in different places (especially in the bar - which is not where we would want to spend our wedding party!).

Even so, it's a lovely place, so we looked around then sat down to talk pricings. She quoted us nearly £6k - for the basic package for 50 people!! And this gave us no flexibility - one menu choice per course, one glass of wine per guest with the meal, and the minimal evening buffet options. We asked about any price reductions and the co-ordinator basically said "We don't need to haggle - if you don't take this date someone else will and they will spend more than you." Our jaws dropped and we made a hasty exit! Funnily enough, she didn't contact us again!

We saw a couple of other venues before finding our actual venue, and both were OK but nothing special - and again there was little flexibility in the packages they were offering. Finally we went along to our favourite local restaurant, which has an upstairs room which seats 60 and bar/relaxing space downstairs. They were so nice, and helpful, and we can tailor the package exactly to our needs. We can offer several options for each course, welcome drinks, canapes, the wine will keep coming during the meal and we'll have champagne for the toasts, plus finger food and an evening buffet. They just couldn't do enough to meet our needs, and the whole thing - exactly as we want it - will come in cheaper than the first venue above's cheapest, most basic option. It's a perfect location and although I do have some wobbles about not having my beautiful country mansion, it will be a fab intimate day.

So...the moral of my story is you will find somewhere you love. Try thinking (oh how I hate this expression) outside the box a bit about venues. Try local restaurants, town halls, historic buildings...don't just look at your standard wedding venues as they will jack up prices whereas somewhere else might be nicer, in a different way, and cheaper because it's not their main source of business.

And remember as well...people can ALWAYS get a taxi if you go out of town! ? Don't get daunted and don't rule anything out just yet - focus on what's important to you (e.g. to us the key thing was flexibility and choice of menu) and let that guide your ultimate decision.

I am an Anne too, actually. But loads of people call me Annie and I like it better...

Can't believe what they said to you about not needing to haggle. I think you can tell so much about how people are when you enquire - I mean, these are the people who will be making your wedding run smoothly (or not) on the day. It sounds like your wedding is going to be lovely

Wow, Rhodes House costs £5,000 just for venue hire... had to abandon that pretty quickly!

Sorry to waffle on but it looks like the Town Hall has a pretty good individual package - tailored menus, etc.

These are the prices I've got though they'll go up a bit by then I think.

Town Hall

Civil ceremony: £250

Room hire for wedding breakfast: £105 an hour

Catering and drinks: bespoke menus but sample ones are about £35-40 a head including toast drinks, reception drinks, etc

Evening venue hire: £1,650

Buffet: about £8-10 a head

Bar set-up: £150

Reckon this would all come to about £5,500ish.

Oxford Centre

Civil ceremony if we had it there instead: £350

Wedding breakfast: £50 per adult all-inclusive of room hire etc

£25 per child

Evening buffet: £10ish a head including all room hire etc

Which comes in at around £3,800-900 by my reckoning.

I think those are quite good from the research I've done... my head hurts. Sorry to waffle on!